The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
Please note: This message was written to address some problems within the Shattered Men interactive group. We consider ourselves as a family and at times families do disagree. How we handle those disagreements is what matters. Since we are encouraging people to strengthen marriages and relationships, we need to start right her in our Shattered Men family. These problems were resolved and we became stronger. My friend, we can not be free of conflict in this world. If we were, it is because we were not doing anything. Conflict does not have to divide, it can strengthen us and make us stronger in the areas we need to be stronger in.
If you are not a part of the Shattered Men family, I do invite you to join us. You do not have to have been abused. If you care about those who have or are being abused, we need you. We need prayer warriors for this ministry. It also does not matter if you are a woman, for abuse knows no gender...either as the abuser or the abused. Come join us as we point people to the nailed scarred hands for real healing from abuse. Remember EACH of us have been abused by the greatest abuser of all time.... satan, and we each need healing from that abuse.
Pass the Salt...
Once again, there have been problems
in the camp. I still have not
read all of the messages. I want to write this without clouding my
perception but I need to respond.
Often it is not "what" is said, but how it is said. We can not hear
voice overtones or inflections in print so we have come up with
emoticons to try to give the sense of how we are saying some things,
but even these can be misunderstood, especially if overused. If
overused, a smile can seem like a grin...a grin with the canary
feather sticking out. A frown can seem like disgust. When done on a
public forum, a suggestion can seem like a put down.
Shattered Men consist of a well rounded group of people. Most have
been abused and many have felt the sting of rejection all of their
life. They have problems understanding that not everyone is going to
throw them out with the trash to the point they are almost ready to
dive into the garbage bin themselves. We also have many that have
never felt the sting of abuse to this point. They have had loving
parents, families and friends, yet they do care. They do want to
help but maybe they do not know how to do so yet. I would guess that
by far most of those good Christians attending our churches have no
idea of the trauma many of the men and women in Shattered Men and in
our churches and society have and are facing.
Yes Jesus did talk boldly to many and essentially "told them
off!...BUT who did HE do this with? Was it not the Pharisees, the
one who prayed "thank God I am not a sinner such as that one"?
I ask, how did Jesus respond to those who came seeking HIM? How did
HE respond to those who came and said "I need help" Most of those
in Shattered Men are doing just that...they are coming wounded,
bleeding, emotionally empty and feeling deep rejection. They are
coming and saying..."I need help"
Shattered Men is reaching out to all. Many who have come here have
found the LORD and trusted HIM for salvation and have found healing
through those nailed scarred hands. Others still do not know the
peace and healing that comes by knowing HIM. We all need to remember
that we are all in different stages of growth both physically and
Spiritually. Some have matured, some have not. Spiritually, some
here have not been born yet.
I ask, would you treat a 5 year old the same as you do an adult?
Would you expect a person that has had to quit school and go to work
to support his or her family to write as elegantly as a college
professor? Look at what Luke 12:47-49 says:
47 And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not
himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many
48 But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes,
shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given,
of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much,
of him they will ask the more.
One of those involved with this latest problem came to Shattered Men
and was hurting. She found the LORD here so we know she is not as
mature as others here spiritually. We need to keep that in mind.
Others have had much more time to grow in Christ. Should we not
expect more from them?
In reality, a few people here in Shattered Men bear the heaviest
accountability here in Shattered Men, the moderators and myself. I
bear the heaviest accountability of ANYONE here in this ministry and
I assume that very seriously.
I have said often that this is a family and families do disagree with
each other from time to time. We can not prevent that and
disagreements in and of themselves are not wrong…BUT...how we deal
with them can be. Paul tells about areas where we can disagree
on...but Paul also warns those that are more mature NOT to be a
stumbling block to those that are new in Christ. Paul again confirms
that a spiritual mature person has more accountability and he even
says that we have to put aside things that would normally be OK to
avoid being a stumbling block to others. (read Romans 14) but focus
on these verses:
13Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this
rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in
his brother's way.
14 I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing
unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean,
to him it is unclean.
15 But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not
charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.
16 Let not then your good be evil spoken of:
17 For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness,
and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
18 For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God,
and approved of men.
19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace,
and things wherewith one may edify another.
Now narrow this down to that last verse..."Let us therefore follow
after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may
I started this message with "Often it is not "what" is said, but how
it is said" This brings up the question...how do we say it? The
word of God has an answer to this:
Colossians 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with
salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
Still have doubts? Then 1 Corinthians 13 will explain it more.
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not
charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all
mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I
could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I
give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity
vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not
easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things,
endureth all things.
8 Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall
fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be
knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part
shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I
thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now
I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest
of these is love.
I am concerned about those that may be looking at us for the first
time. Those that do not know that we do care about each other in
spite of the disagreements. How does it look to see this when you
are coming to this place for help? It is for this reason, I do ask
that if a disagreement starts, lets be careful of what we post on an
open board. Keep in mind what it looks like to those just coming
here. We sure do not want anyone to leave that has come here for
help do we? If need be, the leadership is here to help all sides
reach an accord and even then, we may not be able to do it. We are
often walking a fine line...a tight rope over a dangerous situation
and we do like this...but it is our job as leadership of a very
difficult ministry. As a pastor and as your pastor while you are
here in Shattered Men, I do take very seriously the responsibility to
help you heal and to grow.
Now it is time to set aside these problems and to help healing begin
once again. Let us also remember that what satan may have intended
for harm, will result in our good...because we look to the LORD...so
instead of harm...we will become stronger...as we wait upon the LORD!
For the LAMB
(please click above to vote for this site)
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month