Shat  terd



The hidden half of domestic violence


How to have eternal life

Where is GOD? Answers for an "Atheist"  

A few weeks ago, someone left Shattered Men. Following is an e-mail
he sent to us in reply to our exit letter each person gets when they
leave. The leadership have been carefully writing to this man. We
do not want to drive him any further away. Please read this and you
will know why it burdens me to have Christians reject those that do
not fit our mold. I will reply to this letter at the end of it. I do
not want to take the impact of this letter from you by replying
before you have read it all.


I have been a male abuse victim since I was 3 years old. I would
love to find piece in my life and happiness.

One of the abuses in my life is I was raped as a kid 3 years old and
became very sexual in my life with other kids. I was raised in a
family that went to a "Southern Baptist Church" and was about to
accept Jesus. This was a big thing to me at the age of 5 and talked
it over with my brother 3 and we agreed to go up together. That day
the preacher did a sermon on sin including homosexuality and other
sins and of course 'blasphemy' I could not discern that what I did
was not blasphemy and listened as the preacher said it was the only
sin that could not be forgiven. I felt isolated, alone as the
preacher described the separation I would face, eternity in hell,
fire and brimstone, while my family would go to heaven. God could
see everything and there was no way to be forgiven or to hide my
blasphemy. I was going to HELL ALONE. I became depressed then and
never recovered.

I am 46 now. It is not the only abuse in my life as there have been
many. It is the TURNING POINT in my life. Before this I was happy
and now I life a life of depression.

I left this group because of the religious nature of the group. If
this is what you believe I can respect that but I do not agree. In
fact I was so hurt by this I would rather go to hell alone than to
be with a god I have to fear.

This is not something I wish to get into a long discussion. I do not
want my mind changed about GOD. I have accepted my status as an
Atheist and Bisexual. I have told my family about this. The answer
my mother gave was "she didn't raise a child to be like this" well
my mother didn't raise me. I am the product of a divorce at the age
of 3. My mother left me with her uncle who raped her and raped me.
She married a man who also raped me.

She raped me (preformed oral sex on me) and had me perform sexual
acts for her.

I have no contact with any of my family.. Looking for a new family
and GOD is not it.

Comments were not made to me directly. I was a child listening and
waiting for my time to get up and go to the front to accept Jesus.
Sermons of his nature are too complicated for children to hear and
assimilate. Nevertheless, The message to me was I had committed a
sin that could not be forgiven and I couldn't hide because god could
see all things past present and future. I was devastated weather
this was the intent of the "person" or not. I have had a long time
to think about this, 41 years to be exact, and am set in my
feelings about God and religion in general. I respect the rights of
others to believe as they do and expect the same.

I give my permission for you to use this story to explain how I was
hurt so long as my words are not taken out of my context. This is
not the only reason I have chosen not to believe in God, as I said,
I have had a long lifetime to think about this and other suffering
that I cannot understand.

What I will leave you with is a question that only GOD could

If god could see and know all things; past, present, and future, how
could he allow me to get the message I got and feel the pain I felt
and am still affected by. I was an innocent child and had committed
no act with the intent of hurting anyone including myself. I see to
much suffering of people I consider innocent to understand, if
there is a god, how he could cause or allow this to happen.

I have seen things in life no one should ever see. I have seen the
pain of death in both strangers and people I know and love. Cancer
patients, when my grand mother died, all the children that were
there. My son died due to negligence of a doctor and hospital just
after birth. My first wife was MURDERED> the crime never to be
solved. I have suffered in Prison for crimes I did not commit
because the system allows false accusations in a divorce. I
lost all contact with my children of that marriage. My second wife
used that information when she and I divorced to deny my daughter
and I contact for 2 years. I now see her on a limited basis....

PAIN IS MY LIFE and I cannot accept a god that would allow all this.
I would rather go to hell.


"I would love to find piece in my life and happiness."

My precious friend, that is what everyone is seeking. Many search
for peace and happiness in relationships with another person only to
be disappointed when these relationships crumble time after time. You
see, far too often we bring too much baggage into each new
relationship and many are not able to handle it...they often have
brought too much baggage into the relationship also.

I do not believe homosexuals are born, I believe they are created.
They are created by abuse as children. I doubt very much if this man
would have become a homosexual had he not been molested at a very
early age. Please hear this. Just because a girl is molested by a
woman, or just because a boy is molested by a man, that does not mean
they are a homosexual. Even if they "learned" to enjoy it if it goes
on, that is a defensive behavior to survive! Even if they do become
homosexual by choice later on, it is not an unforgivable sin.

Paul talked about this in 1 Corinthians 6 verse 9 where he
said: "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom
of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor
adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,"

Please notice he said adulterers and fornicators too. This is
HETEROSEXUAL sin folks. Not just homosexual sin. He also includes more
in the next verse but the good does not stop at the sin.
Paul goes on in verse 11 where he states: And such were some of
you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified
in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

What wonderful words..."And such were some of you"

I believe this pastor was trying to do what is right and I do not
think he actually said that homosexuality was not pardonable, but
remember it is satan's main job to distort the Gospel so people will
not accept it. Yes there is a sin that God will not pardon. IF we
die without placing out trust in the payment Jesus made for all our
sin, that is not forgivable. I will assure each of you that if there
is one least bit of desire to know the LORD, one ounce of interest in
wanting to be accepted, you did NOT commit this unpardonable sin.

"I would rather go to hell alone than to be with a god I have to fear"

I do think many people misunderstand what this "fear" mean. Yes,
fear does mean to be afraid, to be struck with fear, to be seized
with alarm. In fact, in the New Testament, the word fear comes
from "phobeo" (number 5401 in Strong's) but it also means:

of those struck with amazement and to reverence, venerate, to treat
with deference or reverential obedience

Folks, I fear my LORD...but I am not afraid of HIM. I do stand amazed
at what I see HIM do so very often...what I see HIM do in this
ministry. I believe when we approach GOD, fear could be translated
as ..worship also. When we reverence something or someone, we will
worship it. (This is the main reason if I need to do so, I use
pastor ken instead of Rev. ken. I do not want one bit of
belongs to my LORD ONLY)

This person states that his mother said she did not raise him to be
like this...(a homosexual and an atheist) but she sure did help him
become one by. He has presented a lot of the very things this
ministry does address. He was abused by both men and women as a small
child. He was placed in prison due to false accusations in a divorce
and he was denied contact with his children based upon that false
information. It is normal to question GOD when the world is falling
apart around us. I know of many very good Christians that still do

I have attempted to answer some of these in Why Lord Why?

This is more for those who know the LORD already then those who do
not so what do we say to someone who has wondered why for so many
years? What do we say to those who have suffered horrible abuse and
have cried out to GOD but have not gotten answers?

First, I would like to let this person know that GOD is there. The
very fact that he came to Shattered Men shows that GOD still loves
him deeply. The fact that he did respond to our e-mail and our
replies to his replies show that he still cares too and I do believe
he wants to know that he can be loved...he can be accepted and I
assure you that he is.

We are told that they that sow in tears shall reap in joy. I assure
you my friend; there has been some sowing over this e-mail. I
believe each of our leadership has sown tears over this. I called
one of my strongest supporters in this sister and more
tears were sown as we brought this precious person before our LORD.

"PAIN IS MY LIFE and I cannot accept a god that would allow all this.
I would rather go to hell."

This statement is often the hardest one to address. Much of the
burden on my heart is that there is no way I can answer these
questions sufficiently. Yes God could have stopped this from
happening. Those that abuse children could be struck dead on the
spot as often happened in the Old Testament. They could have a major
stroke or a heart attack because we do know that God tells us that if
anyone harms a child, it is better for a millstone to be placed
around their neck and to be cast into the deepest sea. Yet, we do
not see this happening. There are no millstones missing.

We can even see very good intentions punished immediately with death
when a man reached to prevent the Ark from falling because God
declared that no one could touch the Ark other then those HE said
could. So why does HE not stop the abuse today? We know HE tells us
not to harm a child. We also know many children are destroyed for
live because of WHY....WHY LORD?

I believe the answer to that MERCY. (goodness, kindness,
faithfulness) God is not willing for any to perish. If HE struck
everyone dead that harmed a child, they would have no chance of
redemption. Yet what do we say to that child? I believe that Jesus
is with a child suffering the same abuse as that child is getting.
We are told that if we feed or clothe a needy person Jesus tells us
we do it to HIM too so I believe if we mistreat anyone, we are
mistreating GOD too.

I also believe that when we tell anyone about the LORD, be it a
pastor from a pulpit or one on one, we need to make it clear so that
a small child can understand it. As far as misunderstanding it,
satan will do his best to make sure the Gospel is misunderstood.
John 10:10 tells us that satan came to kill and destroy but Jesus
came that we may have life and have it more abundantly.

Too many well meaning Christians place heavy burdens on those wanting
to come to the LORD. We often hear people told to make Jesus their
Savior AND LORD to have eternal life. Most can not do this at the
time they accept Christ. Please read JESUS...Savior AND Lord??? Or
Just Savior??

Jesus said HIS yoke is easy and His burden is light. This song says
it better then I can.

I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say

1. I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Come unto Me and rest;
Lay down, O weary one lay down,
Your head upon My breast."
I came to Jesus as I was,
So weary, worn and sad;
I found in Him my resting place,
And He has made me glad.

Take my yoke upon you and learn of me
For my yolk is easy and my burden is light
and my burden is light.
Take my yoke upon you and learn of me
For my yolk is easy and my burden is light
and my burden is light.

2. I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Behold I freely give
The living water; thirsty one,
Stoop down and drink, and live."
I came to Jesus, and I drank
From that life-giving stream
My thirst was quenched, my soul revived,
And now I live in Him.

3. I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"I am this dark world's light;
Look unto Me, thy morn shall rise,
And all thy day be bright."
I looked to Jesus, and I found
In Him my star, my sun;
And in that light of life I'll walk
'Til pilgrim days are done.

This person has been suffering for 43 years. He has essentially been
alone and abandoned during this time, looking for love and acceptance
only to be hurt once again. I contend that it was not an accident he
found Shattered Men. He does not have to be a member here for us to
care and for us to do what we can to help him even if it means doing
so without mentions Jesus (and those who know me will know how hard
this would be for me) I do believe that his coming to THIS group
shows that God is still reaching out to him..still calling his name.
GOD My suggestion to this precious man and to anyone else that is
feeling like he has had the courage to state..... read this next
link and do it.


Even if you do not believe there is a to Him...yes...even
yell at HIM...let GOD know how angry you are with Him and ask
GOD...where were YOU..... pour your heart out. When you really let
HIM "have it"....ask God to reveal Himself to you if HE is real.

Then listen. HE will not shout back. He will not get mad and strike
you down...but I do believe HE will let YOU know...HE Is
there...waiting...waiting for you to ask HIM to love accept
you just as you are.

There are some other pages that will help you know this...but also,
PLEASE know the leadership and others are here to help you in anyway
we can. If you are on the lower 48 states...and you need to do
so....if you e-mail me your phone number, I will even call you to
help you. You need not be a member of Shattered Men...for we do
CARE....about YOU!

Love Worth Finding



A Hurting GOD

How to have eternal life

Because HE LIVES...We can care....about YOU!

Printer friendly
(click "BACK" button to return to this page)

This message is from the ministry of Shattered Men

(please click above to vote for this site)

JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

Contact us

Interactive Groups


Ken's Page

Jerusalem Daily/Shattered Men

 Read  Guest Book  Sign

Shattered Men Group