The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
by Cheryl Wetzstein
The Washington Times
September 16, 2002
Darrin and Valerie Chandler were struggling financially and thinking about
ending their nine-year marriage when they reluctantly attended a
government-funded marriage-education workshop near Phoenix this summer.
The workshop turned their relationship around, they said.
"We're both stubborn people," said Mrs. Chandler. "We even went into the
program thinking, 'Yeah right, we'll go, but for all we've been through,
this probably isn't going to help us.'"
But the weekend class "has been a total blessing," said Mr. Chandler,
adding that with the communication skills he and his wife learned, "we've
been pulling ourselves out slowly" from their debts.
The Chandlers are one of 517 Arizona couples who have taken
marriage-education classes paid for by funds from the Temporary Assistance
for Needy Families (TANF) welfare program. The program, created in the
landmark 1996 welfare reform law, has several goals, including "promoting
job preparation, work and marriage" and to "encourage the formation and
maintenance of two-parent families."
The Chandlers' positive experience was echoed in most of the dozens of
interviews conducted over the past year with couples, educators, welfare
caseworkers and welfare recipients in Arizona, Oklahoma and West Virginia,
where TANF funds are being used to promote or support marriage.
In Arizona, where more than $1 million in TANF funds has been spent on
marriage-education classes, many couples share the views of Scott Mielke,
who attended classes in Flagstaff with his wife Zona. "I think if the
federal government is going to do something about families, it needs to be
proactive like this," he said.
In Oklahoma, around $1.8 million in TANF funds have been spent on a
wide-ranging "marriage initiative," including communication-skills classes
with TANF recipients. "I can see things from my mate's point of view,"
said one Oklahoma welfare mother who attended such a course.
"I should find the right person and take my time not to rush into a dead
end," concluded another mother.
In West Virginia, the state has spent $12.8 million to give 128,497
married couples an extra $100 a month in their welfare checks. "It was
like a blessing in disguise. That $100 makes so much difference," said
Darren Butler, 30, whose family went on welfare last year when both he
and his wife lost their full-time jobs.
Law up for reauthorization
The 1996 welfare law, which expires Sept. 30, is now up for
reauthorization, and the Bush administration and its allies in Congress
want to see more states get involved in promoting healthy marriages.
"My administration will give unprecedented support to strengthening
marriages," President Bush said in February, when he unveiled a proposal
to allocate up to $300 million a year in TANF funds for pro-marriage
grants. "Strong marriages and stable families are incredibly good for
children. And stable families should be the central goal of American
welfare policy," he said.
But liberals and feminist groups reject the idea of government-funded
support to bolster marriages.
"It's a hare-brained scheme as a poverty-reduction strategy," Heidi
Hartmann, president of the Institute for Women's Policy Research, said at
a welfare briefing earlier this year.
"If government were to encourage or coerce welfare couples to get married,
it could endanger the lives of women and children" since 60 percent of
women on welfare have suffered from domestic violence, said Rep. Pete
Stark, California Democrat, who this year introduced a resolution saying
that the government should not be involved in personal decisions about
"The purpose of welfare is to help the poorest people move out of poverty
and into self-sufficiency," said Kim Gandy, president of the National
Organization for Women.
"To make 'finding a man' the administration-approved ticket out of poverty
is not just an insulting throwback, it's terrible public policy," she
said, adding that "not a single dime" should be diverted from child care,
transportation and other critical welfare services.
In several states, efforts to use TANF funds to promote marriage have been
successfully challenged by opponents.
In the late 1990s, Wisconsin lawmakers allocated $210,000 in TANF funds
to hire a "marriage policy coordinator" to assist members of the clergy in
adopting community marriage standards.
The Freedom From Religion Foundation sued Wisconsin, saying its "marriage
meddlers" law violated the separation of church and state. In May 2000, a
judge agreed with the foundation and the $210,000 marriage project "never
went anywhere," said a spokesman in the Wisconsin Department of Health and
TANF-funded marriage-promotion plans have also died in Colorado, Iowa,
Mississippi, New Mexico and Washington.
Congress, however, has warmed to the marriage-promotion idea: The House
welfare bill, passed in May, includes the Bush administration's annual
$300 million proposal for pro-marriage projects, while a Senate Finance
Committee bill offers a smaller pot of money for an array of services that
include marriage education.
The Senate is expected to take up welfare reform this month , but it's not
clear whether there's enough time to pass a bill by Sept. 30. If
differences cannot be worked out, Congress is likely to pass a measure to
continue the current law for another year, congressional aides say.
Taking up the challenge
Meanwhile, Arizona and Oklahoma have attracted attention with their
ambitious TANF-funded marriage projects.
In 2000, the Arizona legislature set aside around $1.1 million in TANF
funds to subsidize marriage-skills seminars and create a booklet on
marriage and family-related issues.
The funding - a fraction of the $17 million originally sought - is an
important first step, said Arizona State Rep. Mark Anderson, a leading
sponsor of the marriage legislation. "The breaking down of a marriage, or
even existing in a marriage wracked by conflict and violence, is the
essential source of a host of social problems. It's time to move in the
direction of prevention."
Last summer, the Arizona Department of Economic Security (DES) issued
grants ranging from $6,720 to $231,050 to 11 contractors to offer marriage
education to couples. A second round of grants to four contractors was
As part of the deal, the state pays 85 percent of class costs for couples,
unless they are low-income and have children, in which case the state pays
a voucher for 100 percent of the costs.
To date, 517 couples have taken classes, including 26 who came on a
voucher, said DES spokesman Ben Levine.
Many Arizona couples said in interviews that they benefited from the classes.
Bill Jenney and his second wife, Vanessa, paid $60 to attend Bob Tures'
eight-session Couples Workshop in Flagstaff in order to meet a premarital
requirement of her church. To his surprise, the experience "was real good."
"It wasn't an emotional strip-search. They weren't there to solve
anybody's problems. They were just there to teach people how to talk to
each other," Mr. Jenney said.
When asked if this was a good use of welfare funds, Mr. Jenney said:
"I'm basically a libertarian and think the least government is the best
government, but in this case, I can see how a lot of people can really
benefit from this class." Furthermore, he said, the government funding
"gets people in."
The classes are a valuable use of TANF funds because "money runs out,
but education you are able to keep forever," Mrs. Jenney said.
"My mom was married four times and every time she remarried, she married
someone worse than before," Mrs. Jenney said. "If my mother had had
marriage education, she could have changed and things could have changed
for us. It would have been a wonderful experience if she had chosen a
Mr. Chandler, who attended the faith-based National Association of
Marriage Enhancement (NAME) workshop near Phoenix, said that classes
might have helped his parents as well.
"I grew up, briefly, in a welfare house and when my parents broke up,
I can remember the bickering that went on," he said. "I think my father
would have been so much more of a man if he had had a chance" to get
marriage education. "And my mother - it would have helped her, too."
Mrs. Chandler said it was important to have the option of attending a
faith-based program like NAME. Other education programs might offer
the "same ideas and concepts," she said, "but I think if I had gone to a
[secular] program, we probably would have followed through with the
Most of the Arizona couples that were interviewed dismissed the idea that
government-funded marriage-education classes might coerce poor women to
marry abusive men.
"That sounds pretty fatalistic and negative," said Kip Moyer, a
pharmaceutical sales representative who attended the Couples Workshop
with his fiancee to "answer some questions we had, as a new couple starting
out." The workshops are voluntary, said Mr. Moyer, "and I think anything
we can do to strengthen couples and families can only help the fabric of
The workshops may actually help women escape abusive relationships, said
Kristi Baty of Flagstaff, who has attended the Couples Workshop with her
husband and now refers some of her clients in her parenting class to it.
If a woman is in a supportive situation and sees how other couples talk
with each other, she may see more clearly what she's up against "and she
may feel empowered to make a better choice," said Mrs. Baty. "I think
education always provides power."
In Jennifer Vaughan's case, the TANF-funded FranklinCovey Seven Habits
of Highly Effective Families workshop she attended in April with her
boyfriend has helped her rethink her relationship.
There were no serious problems in their relationship when she made the
appointment to go to the workshop, but by the time they went, she decided
to leave her partner. "It just wasn't coming together after a few years
and I was frustrated, at the end of my rope," said Mrs. Vaughan, adding
that both she and her boyfriend have been divorced in previous marriages.
The couple went their separate ways after the workshop, but a few weeks
later, "Randy called and said, 'Well, I learned a lot about myself and I
would like to talk with you about our relationship again,'" she said. They
are now reconsidering a future together, using a FranklinCovey workbook
they got from the seminar. "It is just amazing," she said. "There's this
feeling of getting onto the same page."
Still, not everyone thinks TANF money should be used for workshops. Alice
Ferris, who attended a Couples Workshop with her husband a few years ago,
personally enjoyed the experience. "But if the end goal is to reduce the
number of families on welfare, I'm not sure this is the way to do it," she said.
In Oklahoma, $1.8 million in TANF funds have been spent on a far-reaching
Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, started by Gov. Frank Keating in 1999.
By 2010 the initiative seeks to reduce Oklahoma's divorce rate by
one-third, including outreach to businesses, churches and faith-based
community groups, educators, service providers and the media. More than
137 workshops have been held through the Prevention and Relationship
Enhancement Program (PREP) that seeks to enhance communication skills,
and 1,600 people - including 350 newly minted PREP trainers - have taken
TANF families can connect to the pro-marriage initiative by taking free
PREP classes offered through the Oklahoma State University Cooperative
"I'm excited about [teaching PREP] because I think some of the skills
people lack in marriage are taught in this class, and hopefully, they can
avoid getting to the point where they seek a divorce," said Ranel Lasley,
who has taught five PREP classes in the last year, mostly with TANF
"Overall, their reactions have been positive," said Mrs. Lasley. "People
say, 'Oh, I wish I had known this early on in my relationship.'"
"I think the people who work with the TANF clients see a lot of merit
because it gives them real skills to use," said Cindy Griffith, who has
also taught several PREP courses to TANF mothers.
Most TANF mothers - who could not be reached directly for comment -
reported positive new insights on evaluation forms.
"Instead of yelling and interrupting, I've learned to listen and take
turns [talking]," wrote one mother. "I think I can overcome thinking just
one person is right. I can understand where the other person is coming
from," wrote another.
In June, Oklahoma State University released a study of 2,323 Oklahoma
residents concerning the marriage initiative. It found that, of the
respondents who had ever been on welfare, 72 percent would "consider
using relationship education to strengthen" their relationship.
This rings true in Mrs. Griffith's experience with TANF mothers. "Yes,
they buy in," she said. "With some audiences, you have to build a little
trust. But after that, they are pretty much receptive, at least to parts of it."
Meanwhile, in West Virginia, state lawmakers decided two years ago to give
married couples on welfare an extra $100 in their monthly welfare check.
The policy has been called a "marriage incentive" to reward families for
staying together, or a "marriage rebate" because it offsets any tax penalties
the couples might face.
Darren and Terri Butler, who have been married for four years and have
three children, don't quibble over whether the money is an incentive or a
rebate. All they know is, it translates into an extra $100 a month in much
needed family revenue.
Asked whether a state should pay for marriage classes or provide bigger
checks, Mrs. Butler said: "I think it makes a difference for couples to
get the money. We are members of a church. If we need anything like
[marriage education], that's what our reverend is for."
"We have enough books to read," added Mr. Butler.
Earlier this year, West Virginia officials, faced with welfare budget
deficits, debated whether to end the $100-a-month policy. Recently, the
state decided to keep the policy.
Rita M. Dobrich, an official with the state's Office of Family Support,
said there have been cases in which the mother married while on
assistance; "however, we do not know how many."
Breakups also occur. One West Virginia couple interviewed in February
spoke highly of the bonus. "It's wonderful that they promote marriage like
that," the young wife said.
But the couple have since separated, according to their caseworker. As a
result, their welfare check fell from $660 a month to $560.
Copyright © 2002 News World Communications, Inc. All rights reserved.
Washington Times Home: http://www.washtimes.com/
by Edwin J. Feulner, Ph.D. -- Heritage Foundation, 26 Aug 02
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by Caroline Polk -- WEnews, 23 Oct 01
Welfare Reauthorization [CLASP]
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services [HHS]
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