hidden half of domestic violence
to have eternal life
At times marital separation is warranted
to stop abusive behavior or to demonstrate emphatically that you mean
business when dealing with un repented, sinful behavior. Under specific
circumstances and with careful planning, separation can be a step towards
It can be a strategy used to say, "knock it off . Get
serious; get self-control; and stop misbehaving. When you can show that you
are a changed person (over time), we'll reunite." Separation can sometimes
temporarily disrupt the negativity when couples are busy blaming each other
and toxic in their interactions. The purpose of separation under these
circumstances is to give individuals spouses time and space to think more
about the relationship and work on personal issues.
Time committed to prayer is essential. Prayer should be directed towards
asking God to reveal your part in the problem, not to seek His will about
divorce, because God does not want divorce. Christians should know that the
heart of the Father is for reconciliation, so every person who is separated
should know that the ultimate goal should always be reconciliation.
Reconciliation requires both forgiveness and a true change of heart. Jesus
knew that relational problems are heart problems: When the mother of James and
John, the sons of Zebedee, went to Jesus requesting that her sons each sit at
His right and left respectively, it created a disturbance with the other ten
Instead of mediating the dispute, Jesus questioned James
and John if they were able to drink the cup He was about to drink (Matt.
20:22-23). Then He admonished the other ten that to be great in the kingdom of
God, they had to be willing to serve (Matt. 20:26-27). Jesus never addressed
the dispute. He knew that relational problems are heart problems. He instead
challenged each individual in the area of his/her own problem.
Relatives caught in the middle should do just what Jesus
did. Challenge each individual to look to their own hearts. Remind them that
separation is a step necessary to heal the relationship. Do not take sides,
remain neutral. Follow the example of our Lord. Pray for the relationship and
share this very effective scripture....Galatians 5:22-23. When sharing this
scripture explain that every born again believer receives the fruit of the
Spirit at salvation.
This fruit however must be developed by yielding to the
work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Read it out loud to them and ask them
to meditate on the scripture. You may also explain the following: Often people
think that marriage is design to bring out the best in people. In fact, it is
quite the opposite.
The closeness of a marital relationship brings character
flaws to the surface faster than any other relationship on earth. Right now
the very circumstance that they seek to run from is what the Holy Spirit wants
to use to mature His fruit within them. They must allow the Holy Spirit to
work in their individual lives and their relationship. Do not run away from
the problem. Their maturity is measured not by the years they've been going to
church, but by the degree to which they will yield to the work of the Holy
Spirit within them.
Carlos & Tes
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is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month