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The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


It can happen in our group. 

A false rape accusation is easy to get.  This is an exchange of what could easily have led to a false rape charge for someone one of our former members invited to her house.  One of our former female moderators did an excellent job at seeking the truth.  Meanwhile, I did talk to the man involved to hold him accountable too.  ALL sexual gratification obtained apart from ones own husband or wife is SIN.  Some important messages to read on this are:  These are actual posts in Shattered Men however the names have been deleted. It is not our purpose to cast stones at anyone.  It is our purpose to show how easy consensual sex can be called RAPE.

The Pleasure of SIN 

The Hidden Cost...of SIN!


Message 7561

For those who don't know, my husband and I have
been separated for the last 10 months. I've prayed
every day and every night for our reconciliation. So
many different things have happened as of late, to
mention them all would take way too much space. However,
suffice it to say that in the last week, I've fallen away
from the Lord and now feel so out of touch. Please
pray for Gods Will in my life, pray for Gods Will in
my marriage and pray for the person who abused me
last night and calls himself a Christian.

Message 7565

This abuse I speak
of was not was sexual abuse by a trusted
"Christian" friend. I have found out he's neither of those
things now. I just feel so out of touch and that God is
just too ashamed of me. I know I'm ashamed of me..
just need someone to talk to..

Just not feeling to good right now. I do feel so
far away from God and now I'm very concerned about my
marriage and how it has suffered from this past weeks
events. I've emailed my husband and he won't talk to me.
I'm praying constantly that I'm not pregnant after
what has happened, I do not want this mans child in
me. I guess I'll get what God thinks I deserve
Ken, you already know that talking to (husband) is
pointless. He doesn't answer email. As far as this person
being provoked by me.. I guess I have different
opinions than others in here as I did talk to (former moderator)  this
morning. No means no. Sorry, I guess that doesn't apply in
this club, but that's just how I feel. Yes, it was
wrong that I invited this man into my house..but, he
was invited under completely different circumstances
than what was in his heart. He made himself sound like
a solid Christian and he goes around making himself
sound like a prophet. Either way, I know my part in
this that was wrong.. I guess Christian or not, I
shouldn't have invited him here. However, when a man gets
on top of you and you scream NO.. and you tell him
that he is hurting you..and he doesn't stop and
meanwhile makes really sick remarks about your husband..
that's not rape?? Everyone is entitled to their
opinions..but, that's just how I feel.. no means NO!! He was NOT
provoked. I mean, the way it sounded to me this morning..
Why doesn't anyone just go ahead and call me a
whore?? Isn't that what they are doing anyway by saying I
provoked him? He's not to be blamed in any of this? I just
needed prayer.. I didn't need the insults.

No one has ever said this man was not
wrong, he most certainly was. I have said many times
here that the only sexual gratification that is
permissible in the sight of God is between a husband and his
wife. There were many wrongs that were done in
this situation. It is not mine job to say who did what
but it is my job to try to help each person
re-establish a right relationship with God.I do want
to remind each one that the sex drive is one of the
most powerful urges in most people. The time to say no
is long before one "gets on top of another" The time
to stop a locomotive is before it gets started..Not
when it is moving on down the track. This is
now past...lets learn from it, and go on. We
will not condone any sinful behavior from either men
or women here..but we will love the "sinner" with
all of our heart.


Since you mention me by name in your
post to Ken--I feel I need to defend myself in this
club so that there is no
misunderstanding. First off, Ken asked me to speak with you because of
the delicate circumstances. For you see (name deleted), it is
not good for a man to counsel a woman nor a woman
counsel a man without a third party being present so
there can be no misunderstanding. I spent well
over an hour with you on Instant Message. (name deleted), I
never once judged you. What I did do was try to make
you understand that you were putting all the blame on
this man and charging him with rape. That is a very
serious crime. I was merely trying to point out to you
that in life we have choices to make--you made some
wrong choices (name deleted), but did I not tell you that God
forgives you. Did I not tell you (name deleted) that you have to
forgive yourself. Did I not tell you (name deleted) that to keep
your fellowship with the Lord on the right track that
you had to forgive the man that you claim raped you.
I did all this (name deleted). I prayed with you. I tried to
help you understand that there are always consequences
to our actions. (name deleted), did I call you any
names--I think not. But I remember you called yourself the
same name that you used in this message. (name deleted), it is
you that is calling yourself these names--not me! I
want that made perfectly clear. I am a founder in this
club and I take my position seriously and I do not
want another member in this club thinking I would be
so insensitive as to judge you. I don't know
what you want from me in this club (name deleted). I prayed with
you. You even thanked me for praying with you and said
you felt better. You said you would contact me if you
needed to talk further. Now I'm only human, I can't
absolve what you did--only the Lord can do that. I
did not insult you (name deleted) and I personally don't like
you insinuating that I did. Maybe you should know
that I saved the conversation and I have proof of what
I said to you!  As I said, you will be in my
prayers. I just pray that you will see the truth for what
it really is

you may show whatever you like to
whomever you like. I never said you called me anything.
However I will say this. No means NO. If (name deleted) were
here, and I told him I did not want to have sex one
night but he pinned me to the bed and had his way with
me.. ummm that's rape whether he's my husband or not.
This person that did this to me was told NO..flat out
NO!! We had discussed as Christians that it was wrong
for him to be here and he was making the plans to
leave, but he wanted one last trip.. before he ever
approached me I told him NO. Everyone is entitled to their
opinions, however, to make someone who is clearly a victim
feel that it is her fault she was raped is being a tad
bit insensitive in my book. If my daughter is out
somewhere and she's on a date with a bunch of friends and
she invites them to the house. One of the guys rapes
her.. is that HER fault?? I just think the thinking is
a bit off here, that's all. Nobody was here when
what happened to me..happened to me. I just feel like
you sit in judgment of me and you need not. You
weren't here, you don't know all the circumstances and
you have NO place to be pointing your finger at me
saying it's my fault this happened. I didn't ask to be
raped and YES, I was raped. You can call it whatever
you are certainly entitled to your
opinion..but NO IS NO!!! and now that I see what the
true tone of this club is.. I'm outta here..cuz that
is just wrong telling a woman she asked to be
raped.. wrong!

I have the transcript the chat. I am adding
2+2 and am not coming up with 4. First you
are married and want to have your marriage
restored..yet you invite a man you know is not all he says he
is to live with you? Are we not to avoid even the
appearance of evil? I firmly believe in this so that
when I had planned to visit a female founder, I was
going to stay in a motel to make sure no one mistook
what was happing. I will not compromise my LORD or my
testimony.  You say that you know this guy from several clubs and
he is taking scripture out of context yet you assume
he is a good Christian? On top of that he smokes
marijuana because it is natural and he is a good Christian?
Cyanide is natural too..but I sure do not suggest
ingesting that in any way.Also, I do not find it
likely that anyone would stay in contact with a person
that raped them after the fact. You were talking to
this person today.  You are right, none of us
were there..but there is one that was...the man you
are accusing of rape, Shall we talk to him to get HIS
side of this story? YES he was is SIN and I
do plan to talk to him because he is posting in our
partnership clubs as if he is Mr Goodie two shoes. I will not
tolerate that. Once again, I have read the
transcript between you and (name deleted) and I feel she did a great
job. She was pointing out things that are unpleasant
but true. I will stand behind her in her actions but
we do want to reach out to YOU also. NONE Of us are
faultless all the time. but we do want to restore
fellowship between you and God and it is our desire to still
see your marriage restored. God can still
pull something wonderful out of this..If You want Him
to....We are still here to help but we will not compromise
the Word of God. BTW...I sill suggest you
read Marriage..His duties Her duties.  My wife
does not have the "right" to deny my need for intimacy
nor do I have the right to deny her....but yes we
both need to be sensitive to the others needs and


Bearing False Witness

Who Are Your Advisors?

I would like to make it clear that in all this
mess, we are NOT letting the man "off the hook".
Since he is in some of our partnership clubs and does
post I felt it was my obligation as a founder in those
clubs to talk to this man. When I did so, he
readily accepted responsibility of sin in his life and had
been taking action prior to my contacting him to
reestablish a right relationship with God. We here at
Shattered Men will NOT condone sinful behavior on the part
of EITHER men or women.

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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

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