The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
Now Playing: Amazing Grace for His grace is amazing.
Patti has been a friend through the good times, and the hard times. She has been one of the first in prayer and encouragement. I strongly feel it was her prayers that kept this ministry going when we were needed them the most. I do thank the Lord for friends like Patti. This is her testimony... a testimony again of a loving and caring God. PLEASE check Patti's web site, this story was originally posted on her site
Over Thirty years ago, at age eleven, I was baptized at The Church of Christ. I Thank God for placing me in a Christian Family. I am so very blessed. I have never doubted God's existence, but I was slow to seek more of Him. When I was 21 is when my trials started, now at 41 these trials are my Blessings. Although not knowing this at the time, each and every step has only brought me 'CLOSER TO GOD'! In so doing, He has and continues to mold me to His Plan. I now am closer to Him and love Him more than I ever knew was possible. I want to be more, so I can give Him more. I will Praise The LORD for ever and ever, and Where He Leads Me ... I Will Follow! His path calls for, 'DAYLEE WALKIN' and I Thank Him for each step, is to a 'CLOSER WALK WITH THEE'.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation,
that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble,
by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
2 CORINTHIANS 1:3,4
Over Twenty Years ago, my mom killed herself. I found her dead in the garage and from this I suffered deep depression and thoughts of killing myself for several years. I made a couple of weak attempts at suicide, as I cried for help. Instead of looking to God for comfort and strength, I tried to find it in drugs and alcohol. It is only By God, that I did not kill myself intentionally or unintentionally, during those 7 years of depressions darkness. Thankfully, God pulled me out of the darkness so that I was with Him for this next loss.
My brother was 34, when diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was this year and a half of him suffering, that I learned what prayer was all about. I learned to pray, and I mean really pray! My first prayers for my brother were that a cure would be found, and he would be healed. My second prayers were for God to take me instead of him. He so wanted to watch his daughters grow up, and although I had gotten over wanting to die, I would have gladly given my life if it would of given him a happy, healthy and longer life.
It is this third prayer, that was answered immediately and over and over again. My brother had 3 surgeries, radiation therapy, and other numerous ordeals, of which after all of this, he was told there was a new tumor. He had been on medication to keep his brain from swelling, allowing him to live longer, but what the medication did to his body was hard for those of us who loved him so, to watch. He did not even look like the same person. It was basically only through his eyes, that I still knew him. Several times, I found myself at the door of his hospital room, not being able to go in. I cried and pleaded for God to give me the strength to go into that room and be able to give my brother the care and comfort, he so well deserved. I could not bare to see him suffering so. Yet, I knew I must be strong for his sake. God answered these prayers by giving me a strength so powerful, it could not have been my own. ONLY By The LORD Thy God!
My fourth and final prayer for my brother, must be the hardest words I have ever spoken, yet surely the most loving words I would ever say for him. I prayed for God, to take my brother; to end his pain and suffering and to take him home. Within only a few days, God also answered this prayer. He gave me the comfort of knowing that I would never doubt asking this, and never doubt that it had been answered. God gave me His Blessed Assurance. Jesus was present. I was not just praying to Him, I felt Him present.
My brother, for several days, had not been alert to his surroundings. He was not even aware of being in the hospital, he thought he was at his house. His eyes had seldom been open, and when they were open they were not seeing; just eyes that had no life. My sister and I were sitting by his side, when he sat up and asked, "Who is that?" Having no idea what he was talking about, and knowing we just went along with what he said anyway, I said "I don't know who it is!" He looked back, to where he thought someone was. I just figured that he thought it was our dad, but then I realized it was not. It was our Father! My brother then said, "Oh, I know who it is!" The beauty of the light in his eyes, showed my sister and I, Who it was also. Both my sister and I were so aware of His presence. We did not see Him like our brother saw Him, with his eyes. But we did see Him through our brothers eyes. This was beyond amazing, beyond glorious. This was Jesus taking my brother home!
' CLOSER WALK WITH THEE 'From the time that I had found out about my brothers brain tumor, I had devoted myself to this being the first priority in my life. Meanwhile, I found out my husband was cheating on me. I had to shove this to the back of my mind, to be delt with later, as I had all I could handle, as my brothers days with us were nearing an end.
As his days with us, had now become only hours, and we had been told that my brothers life could end at any time, I called my husband to let him know that the time was short, and he should come to the hospital now. Two hours later, I called him again; this time with more urgency. An hour later, I called him again, now saying only minutes were left. After my brother had taken his last breath, then I couldn't call, so some of my family called my husband to say that we would all be going over to my dad's house, and he should just come there now. Hours later, after two of my uncles went to the house to see why he had not come, he finally showed up at my dads. My uncles had found him back in bed, as if nothing had happened.
As I write this 14 years later, I still have trouble understanding how he could have done this, not only to me but to my whole family. Never have I felt such a lack of respect, caring, comforting, and love, as I feel he showed to us that night. I would have never thought it possible to lose my feelings for this man, so quickly. All my heart felt for him now was emptiness.
Right at the last few weeks of my brothers life, I was also forced to give up my partnership in a Flower Shoppe. Then, soon after my brothers death, we took out bankruptcy; losing our house, truck for income, and all vehicles. I also had to have surgery to have an ovarian cyst removed and then deal with the reason and facts of, not being able to have children.
It had taken me nearly a year to build back up my strength to prepare to leave him, and then late one night the phone rang. My husband came and woke me, saying that we needed to go to the hospital as my dad and step-mom were there. When we got there, my sister said to me, "She's gone." I still didn't even know what had happened and why we were all there. Now I was being told that my step-mom had a heart attack and was gone.
I was not so sure that I wasn't going to lose my dad also. This nearly did him in to lose his son and then his wife, both in just such a short time. I again pushed my plans of divorce back, as my family and myself all needed time to heal again.
Once again God restored my life and finally, 3 years after the fact, I filed for divorce. I worked two jobs, and lived with my dad for a few months to get back on my feet.
At 21, I went into that marriage with hopes and dreams of just a normal simple happy life. A moderate house and a couple of kids. Just a regular life, Normal! At age 30, I left this marriage with none of my hopes and dreams coming true. But, just as always, God is my strength and comfort, He not only sees me through, but He pulls me even closer. I begin to seek God and His word now in such a way as I have never before.
I met a guy at my new job, that was going through a divorce also. This brought us together as friends who helped each other out and gave us each someone to talk to who understood. He had also been cheated on by his wife, so we shared many of the same wounds. I was totally against any relationship with him, other than friendship. But he felt differently and was very persistant. It was his patience and understanding that I finally gave in to. Married, we both began our new start and life seemed to be nice and fairly 'normal'. With this new start, I sought to know the Lord more. I began reading the bible, a couple of times from front to back, and then still read chapters and chapters. I did not understand or realize that God was continuing to prepare and mold me, for I had not come nearly as close to Him as I was about to be pulled.
Five years ago, on a Friday morning, I was tending to my normal chores before going to work. I went outside to the shed where my cats stayed at night, to feed them and let them outside for the day. I had my hands full of food and water for them, and had trouble getting the shed door open. As I tried to use my foot to open it, the wind gushed up and threw the door open, hitting me right in the front of my head. This knocked my glasses off and threw me to the ground. I instantly was sick to my stomach and saw little black dots floating all around me. I must have then passed out, as the next thing I remember I was laying on the ground, but it was not in my backyard.
I was laying in a field surrounded by weeds. I had no idea where I was and I was in unbelievable pain. I struggled to sit up but I couldn't. I had to twist and turn myself while still laying flat to see what was causing my leg to hurt so bad. I saw the train track beside me and I knew why my foot was gone, but I had no memory of seeing a train. I saw headlights over on the highway. I raised my arms as high as I could and was screaming for these cars to stop. But I was too far away and knew that I must come closer to the lights. I was scared to crawl over the railroad tracks, I feared the train would come back and finish off what was left of me. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to help me. He answered before I even asked, as I was now over the tracks and closer to the highway where someone could see me. I saw the red twirling lights of a patrol car, and as the patrolman in his black uniform and his big hat came into view, I thanked God for carrying me.
At the hospital I was told that my leg had been amputated. The pain from my leg being amputated made the 3 fractures in the foot I had left and the 5 broken ribs, seem non exsistant. It was a few weeks later before I had any clarity on what had happened. This had happened the day after I got hit in the head, and it was not at night like I thought. There were no headlights as this happened around 3:00 in the afternoon. I don't think I need tell you where the lights that I saw came from!
It is only from putting what I can remember and what my family knows, that any of this can even be told. My familys accounts of the events of these two days fill in what I have no memory of. The actual accounts of my missing 2 days resulted from being hit in the head by the shed door, giving me not a concussion, but temporary brain damage. That time is gone and will not likely ever be remembered. This I believe is yet another one of Gods Blessings, and I'm sure He is protecting me and saving me from the terror of reliving this traumatic episode of my life.
I had ventured onto work the day I got hit in the head. The lady that I worked for said that I had called her and told her what had happened and how sick I felt, but I still insisted on going to work. She called my husband and my sister, as while at her house I kept being sick, falling down, and passing out.
On Friday evening my family had taken me to the hospital, but I refused to stay telling them that since I didn't have health insurance, I could not afford to be there. Unfortunately, I am quite stubborn and have no doubt that this is how I responded. Since the hospital could not keep me there, they told my family to watch me. I continued all through Friday night, by being sick and unruly, not at all my normal personality. That next morning I was insisting on going to see the lady that I worked for. My husband had said he would take me as soon as he showered and dressed. He also knew how impatient I was, so he made the car so it would not start to keep me from driving off without him. When He came out to take me, I was nowhere to be found. He called my sister, and the two of them started searching for me. Not finding me, he returned home later in the afternoon, only to have the police come to the door and tell him that he needed to go to the hospital as his wife had been hit by a train.
Grasping at straws here - we can only deduce that I found the car would not start so I took off walking. Somehow in this condition I got over 4 miles from home and to this railroad track. I may have tried to jump on the train or I may have been too close to it and got sucked under it. I may have walked right into it. I really don't even know what to think of what may have happened there, as I don't remember seeing a train. I tried to remember for several months with the help of professionals. The end result is that it really does not matter how this all happened. What is important is that again, I was Saved ... by God!
I came out of this with an urgency to live. I felt God with me more than I ever had. I was closer to Him and my desire to get even closer has just kept growing. Of course, I had many steps of recovery to take from losing my leg. I had to adjust, accept, and heal. But God has been with me every step of the way. He carried me. He held me. He holds me by my hand and guides me. These past several years God has continued to mold me, and He draws me nearer to Him with every step I take. I continue to hunger for Him. I desire to give Him my all. I pray to be more, so that I can give Him more. While I used to pray once or twice a day, I now talk to Him all day long, fall asleep praying and wake in the morning still talking. He has turned my disability into a blessing, not a curse. Granted, I can not do all of the things that I used to, but there is so much that I can do. Had I not lost my leg, I would still be in the hectic fast paced life, running to go nowhere. I started slowly walking to Him, then quickened my step. Now I run to Him. My only goal in life is Him. To please Him, serve Him, and spend eternity with Him. I Thank God for this life which He has given me. I will praise the Lord for all of my days and continue in my, ' CLOSER WALK WITH THEE! '
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather
glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities,
in reproaches,in necessities, in persecutions, in destresses for Christ's sake:
for when I am weak, then am I strong.
2 CORINTHIANS 12: 9,10
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month