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The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


Ontario justice(?)

As a woman who grew up in a home in which my father broke several of my
bones, almost killed me twice, kicked in my mothers ribs, and held a reign
of terror in our home....your site horrifies me.
 

Men are not the enemy.  I love men - and have a kind, gentle, nurturing and

caring boyfriend.  But quite frankly, I don't know how you people can sleep
at night putting out this kind of irrational text.  It is hateful, and
hurtful to the many women and children out there who live in fear every day.
Men may not be the enemy - but you can include yourselves in the 'enemy'
category by virtue of the slander you publish here. 

I hope that the burden on your conscious and soul is as heavy as the
negative impact of your hateful work.
 

Natasha Milijasevic



 
Note: For those unfamiliar with how email addresses are formed the above message from jus.gov.on.ca is from the Justice Department (jus.) of the Ontario government (gov.on) in Canada (.ca).

 

Dear Ms. Milijasevic,
     About one half of the responses received with regard to the Domestic Violence Against Men in Colorado Web site are from women. Commonly they are from women whose son, brother, friend, neighbor, husband, or lover has been battered and abused by a woman and the legal system that you represent.
    There are also many responses from women who admit their abuse and are seeking to find a way out of it.
     We also get a number of email's like the attached letter to the Canadian Prime Minister from a Lebanese grandmother, or the following. These two happened to arrive about the same time as yours.

From: Michelle
To: <comments@dvmen.org>
Subject: Thank you
Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 01:55:06 -0000

 
HI,
     You may think this is strange but I am a woman who wants to thank you for the information you have put on your web site. I understand the problem that the Domestic Violence laws are creating. It is scary when laws can convict someone without any real reasons. It is also frightening that a vindictive woman can destroy a man's life with accusations only. It make you wonder if the Constitution means anything anymore.
    I am going to be going to court to have my X husband given supervised visitation due to "domestic violence". I have been studying a lot about what domestic violence is and the laws. Your web site has given me the best info on what a "real" abuser is through your article "The ABC'S of People Who Batter". Every one of the observations explained what I was dealing. I kept my abuse secret for all of my marriage because I was scared and thought I was at fault. My X continues to do the same things to me but at a distance. During the past year I have seen him do the same to his  girlfriend and is now starting to use the same controlling behavior on my 2 daughters. I had always thought he just hated me until I saw the same behaviors committed on others. I just wanted to thank you again for all of the information you supply on your site. It helped me understand things much better and also know what I was experiencing wasn't made up in my head.
    God Bless you and your efforts to protect the good fathers.

    If I understand your position, it is of no moment that men are beaten, maimed, and killed by women? And anyone who attempts to describe the injustice men suffer under current laws is "hateful"?
     You ignore 30 years of research that shows women are at least as violent as men in domestic situations, and probably slightly more so. That finding has been replicated in over 100 studies and is one of the best established findings in all the social sciences.
    As to the "slander" you speak of, we openly and continually invite anyone to provide factual data that challenges the data or conclusions of any of the authors on our sites. Typically, you make the accusation without offer of proof.
    You apparently overlook the fact that seven (7) of the authors who have contributed to the DV against men site are women. But, because you may have been abused, all of us are wrong and our work and stand for justice are to be despised and hated?
    Do you, as a representative of the justice department of the government of Ontario, Canada, have any basic scientific training, e.g.,  multivariate statistics; the calculus; matrix algebra; deductive, inductive, and symbolic logic; relational database experience; history; economics; or any of the many other disciplines necessary to formulate an informed opinion on the topic of family violence? Or are you expecting men to surrender all of our civil liberties simply on the basis of your emotions and feelings?
    As it is you who is accusing us of being "irrational" it is entirely reasonable to expect you to have had training in logic.
     May I also express concern about your claim that your father abused you? It would appear you are referring to your biological father? In that case the available data suggests what you may have endured is quite rare. The majority, roughly 60% of child abuse is inflicted by women. Where a man is involved it is typically a stepfather, the mother's boyfriend, a male relative, etc. While sometimes biological fathers do abuse their children, that occurs in less than 10% of known cases. Conversely, there are many thousands of cases of false memories of abuse by women. Not having heard any other evidence, the possibility that you suffer from that syndrome cannot be dismissed. That is why the concept of "due process" evolved.
     However, with the notorious Bill 117 in Ontario, all legal protections for a man accused of domestic violence or abuse have been cast aside. A woman simply claims she has been abused; the man is arrested and jailed on little more than her accusation; while he is safely locked up she goes to court and is awarded all his property. There is absolutely no "due" in the process.
    Variations of this injustice are played out  daily here in Colorado, and elsewhere in the United States as well. It is currently estimated that about one million restraining orders that tear men from their homes and children are issued against men every year in the United States.
    From the service of John Corry, Jr. with Capt. Parker's company of Minutemen on the Lexington Green that day in April, 1775; to Thomas Corry's stand with Sam Houston at the battle of San Jacinto that freed Texas; and in all the other wars my country has fought we have sacrificed and given our lives for freedom and liberty. Now how long do you expect us to support your appeal ad misericordiam to give up all those liberties in the name of your ideology? Denying civil liberties and freedom is a historical cause of violence, not the cure.
     My own service, and that of one of my sons, was with the US Marine Corps (1st and 5th Marines respectively). Your description of what you claim to have suffered from your father reminded me of what I and my son endured simply training to be infantrymen. You had the better of the deal by far. And many Marines do die that others may live in the freedom you currently enjoy.
     By no means do I expect women to have to endure from their husbands and lovers what I, my son, and other men endure as Marines. But why should our male children continue to face such punishment and death when every freedom we stand for is denied us? When our children and homes can be torn from us under colour of law without any chance to defend ourselves, why should any man be willing to go to war to defend you, and allow you to live off the backs of taxpayers?
     You may not have noticed it in Canada, but on September 11, 2001, the United States endured our worst foreign attack in history in terms of lives lost and property destroyed. As well, you probably are not aware that enlistment rates for our Armed Forces remained unchanged. Enlistments for 2001 were virtually identical, or slightly less than for the year 2000. Perhaps the sons of those millions of men who have been denied their civil liberties realize their freedoms don't exist and it would be foolhardy in the extreme to put themselves in harm's way to defend radical feminist ideology?
      It may have also escaped you that the basic building blocks of our civilization are families? Current campaigns to stop family violence instead stop families. Our local newspaper tells us the current divorce rate here is 72%. There are reliable estimates that allegations of domestic violence and abuse are made in one third of these divorces. Obviously, the great majority of such claims by women are simply to gain advantage. Fill out a restraining order and a woman immediately has possession of the kids, the house, the car, and all the rest of their property with few questions asked and no proof required. We also have cases where women shack up with a man for awhile, then get a restraining order and take all his property. Do you expect men to put their lives on the line to defend that behavior?
      The very survival of civilization is thus at stake as families are destroyed wholesale and young men never marry. Virtually every pathology in our society correlates most consistently and closely with single mothers and their children. Or, as humans have finite life spans, do you carry your ideology one step further and advocate the same end for humanity that you work toward for civilization?
      In your own case statistics show that children who are abused, particularly during their teenage years, are more likely to abuse their partners by nearly an order of magnitude. Thus, it is hoped that you do indeed have "a kind, gentle, nurturing and caring boyfriend." He will likely need all the tolerance and compassion he can muster. But one phone call by you can destroy him at any time. Can he, or should he ever trust you?
      From your name one logically infers either you or your parents fled from the Soviet Union, or one of its satellites. The ideology you apparently embrace was attempted there as Marx and Engel postulate that class struggle originates in the family. Thus, such features as "postcard divorce" were attempted in order to eliminate families in the early days of the Soviet Union. Now, though you've fled from it, you appear to be attempting to foist that failed ideology upon Canada.
       In order that your false claims not go unchallenged and, inasmuch as you have abused your official position in sending me the above message, I am forwarding this to our distribution list embracing about 20 countries and all the states and provinces of the US and Canada. You may well hear from some of those concerned citizens as well.

Charles E. Corry, Ph.D., F.G.S.A.
President, Equal Justice Foundation http://www.ejfi.org/
455 Bear Creek Road
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80906-5820
Telephone: (719) 520-1089
Facsimile: (509) 472-5275
Domestic violence against men: http://www.dvmen.org
Curriculum vitae: http://www.pcisys.net/~ccorry/CorryBook-79.htm
Personal home page: http://www.pcisys.net/~ccorry/

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