hidden half of domestic violence
to have eternal life
As a woman who grew up in a home in which my father
broke several of my
bones, almost killed me twice, kicked in my mothers ribs, and held a reign
of terror in our home....your site horrifies me.
Men are not the enemy. I love men - and have a kind,
gentle, nurturing and
caring boyfriend. But quite frankly, I don't know
how you people can sleep
at night putting out this kind of irrational text. It is hateful, and
hurtful to the many women and children out there who live in fear every day.
Men may not be the enemy - but you can include yourselves in the 'enemy'
category by virtue of the slander you publish here.
I hope that the burden on your conscious and soul is as heavy as the
negative impact of your hateful work.
Note: For those unfamiliar with how email
addresses are formed the above message from jus.gov.on.ca is from the
Justice Department (jus.) of the Ontario government (gov.on) in Canada (.ca).
Dear Ms. Milijasevic,
About one half of the responses received with
regard to the
Domestic Violence Against Men in Colorado Web
site are from women. Commonly they are from women whose son, brother, friend,
neighbor, husband, or lover has been battered and abused by a woman and
the legal system that you represent.
There are also many responses from women who admit
their abuse and are seeking to find a way out of it.
We also get a number of email's like the attached
letter to the Canadian Prime Minister from a Lebanese grandmother, or the
following. These two happened to arrive about the same time as yours.
Subject: Thank you
Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 01:55:06
You may think this is
strange but I am a woman who wants to thank you for the information you have
put on your web site. I understand the problem that the Domestic Violence laws
are creating. It is scary when laws can convict someone without any real
reasons. It is also frightening that a vindictive woman can destroy a man's
life with accusations only. It make you wonder if the Constitution means
I am going to be going
to court to have my X husband given supervised visitation due to "domestic
violence". I have been studying a lot about what domestic violence is and the
laws. Your web site has given me the best info on what a "real" abuser is
through your article
"The ABC'S of People Who Batter".
Every one of the observations explained what I was dealing. I kept my abuse
secret for all of my marriage because I was scared and thought I was at fault.
My X continues to do the same things to me but at a distance. During the past
year I have seen him do the same to his girlfriend and is now starting to use
the same controlling behavior on my 2 daughters. I had always thought he just
hated me until I saw the same behaviors committed on others. I just wanted to
thank you again for all of the information you supply on your site. It helped
me understand things much better and also know what I was experiencing wasn't
made up in my head.
God Bless you and your
efforts to protect the good fathers.
If I understand your position, it is of no moment
that men are beaten, maimed, and killed by women? And anyone who attempts to
describe the injustice men suffer under current laws is "hateful"?
You ignore 30 years of research that shows women
are at least as violent as men in domestic situations, and probably slightly
more so. That finding has been replicated in over
studies and is one of the best established
findings in all the social sciences.
As to the "slander" you speak of, we openly and
continually invite anyone to provide factual data that challenges the data or
conclusions of any of the authors on our sites. Typically, you make the
accusation without offer of proof.
You apparently overlook the fact that seven (7) of
the authors who have contributed to the
DV against men
site are women. But, because you may have been abused, all of us are wrong and
our work and stand for justice are to be despised and hated?
Do you, as a representative of the justice
department of the government of Ontario, Canada, have any basic scientific
training, e.g., multivariate statistics; the calculus; matrix algebra;
deductive, inductive, and symbolic logic; relational database experience;
history; economics; or any of the many other disciplines necessary to
formulate an informed opinion on the topic of family violence? Or are you
expecting men to surrender all of our civil liberties simply on the basis of
your emotions and feelings?
As it is you who is accusing us of being
"irrational" it is entirely reasonable to expect you to have had training in
May I also express concern about your claim that
your father abused you? It would appear you are referring to your biological
father? In that case the available data suggests what you may have endured is
quite rare. The majority, roughly 60% of child abuse is inflicted by women.
Where a man is involved it is typically a stepfather, the mother's boyfriend,
a male relative, etc. While sometimes biological fathers do abuse their
children, that occurs in less than 10% of known cases. Conversely, there are
many thousands of cases of
memories of abuse by women. Not having heard
any other evidence, the possibility that you suffer from that syndrome cannot
be dismissed. That is why the concept of "due process" evolved.
However, with the notorious Bill 117 in Ontario,
all legal protections for a man accused of domestic violence or abuse have
been cast aside. A woman simply claims she has been abused; the man is
arrested and jailed on little more than her accusation; while he is safely
locked up she goes to court and is awarded all his property. There is
absolutely no "due" in the process.
Variations of this injustice are played out daily
here in Colorado, and elsewhere in the United States as well. It is currently
estimated that about one million restraining orders that tear men from their
homes and children are issued against men every year in the United States.
From the service of John Corry, Jr. with Capt.
Parker's company of Minutemen on the Lexington Green that day in April, 1775;
to Thomas Corry's stand with Sam Houston at the battle of San Jacinto that
freed Texas; and in all the other wars my country has fought we have
sacrificed and given our lives for freedom and liberty. Now how long do you
expect us to support your appeal ad misericordiam to give up all those
liberties in the name of your ideology? Denying civil liberties and freedom is
a historical cause of violence, not the cure.
My own service, and that of one of my sons, was
with the US Marine Corps (1st and 5th Marines respectively). Your description
of what you claim to have suffered from your father reminded me of what I and
my son endured simply training to be infantrymen. You had the better of the
deal by far. And many Marines do die that others may live in the freedom you
By no means do I expect women to have to endure
from their husbands and lovers what I, my son, and other men endure as
Marines. But why should our male children continue to face such punishment and
death when every freedom we stand for is denied us? When our children and
homes can be torn from us under colour of law without any chance to defend
ourselves, why should any man be willing to go to war to defend you, and allow
you to live off the backs of taxpayers?
You may not have noticed it in Canada, but on
September 11, 2001, the United States endured our worst foreign attack in
history in terms of lives lost and property destroyed. As well, you probably
are not aware that enlistment rates for our Armed Forces remained unchanged.
Enlistments for 2001 were virtually identical, or slightly less than for the
year 2000. Perhaps the sons of those millions of men who have been denied
their civil liberties realize their freedoms don't exist and it would be
foolhardy in the extreme to put themselves in harm's way to defend radical
It may have also escaped you that the basic
building blocks of our civilization are families? Current campaigns to stop
family violence instead stop families. Our local newspaper tells us the
current divorce rate here is 72%. There are reliable estimates that
allegations of domestic violence and abuse are made in one third of these
divorces. Obviously, the great majority of such claims by women are simply to
gain advantage. Fill out a restraining order and a woman immediately has
possession of the kids, the house, the car, and all the rest of their property
with few questions asked and no proof required. We also have cases where women
shack up with a man for awhile, then get a restraining order and take all his
property. Do you expect men to put their lives on the line to defend that
The very survival of civilization is thus at stake
as families are destroyed wholesale and young men never marry. Virtually every
pathology in our society correlates most consistently and closely with single
mothers and their children. Or, as humans have finite life spans, do you carry
your ideology one step further and advocate the same end for humanity that you
work toward for civilization?
In your own case statistics show that children who
are abused, particularly during their teenage years, are more likely to abuse
their partners by nearly an order of magnitude. Thus, it is hoped that you do
indeed have "a kind, gentle, nurturing and caring boyfriend." He will
likely need all the tolerance and compassion he can muster. But one phone call
by you can destroy him at any time. Can he, or should he ever trust you?
From your name one logically infers either you or
your parents fled from the Soviet Union, or one of its satellites. The
ideology you apparently embrace was attempted there as Marx and Engel
postulate that class struggle originates in the family. Thus, such features as
"postcard divorce" were attempted in order to eliminate families in the
early days of the Soviet Union. Now, though you've fled from it, you appear to
be attempting to foist that failed ideology upon Canada.
In order that your false claims not go
unchallenged and, inasmuch as you have abused your official position in
sending me the above message, I am forwarding this to our distribution list
embracing about 20 countries and all the states and provinces of the US and
Canada. You may well hear from some of those concerned citizens as well.
Charles E. Corry, Ph.D., F.G.S.A.
President, Equal Justice Foundation http://www.ejfi.org/
455 Bear Creek Road
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80906-5820
Telephone: (719) 520-1089
Facsimile: (509) 472-5275
Domestic violence against men: http://www.dvmen.org
Curriculum vitae: http://www.pcisys.net/~ccorry/CorryBook-79.htm
Personal home page: http://www.pcisys.net/~ccorry/
NOTE: If you would like to be removed from our
mailing list please respond to this message with REMOVE in the subject line.
You are receiving this message because (1) you asked to be added to our
mailing list; (2) you sent the EJF an e-mail or requested help from us; (3)
you are known to work on issues related to men's or father's rights; (4) you
are known to be interested in civil liberties and equal justice for all; or
(5) your name and address appeared as an addressee on email sent to us.
The mailing list of the Equal Justice Foundation is not distributed to third
parties. Occasionally members are put in touch with other individuals on our
mailing list when there are known common interests or problems. In normal
circumstances permission is requested of the third party before disclosing
their e-mail address. Prior permission is not sought if referral is made to
another group or individual working on the same, or related problems, and that
group or individual is known to seek such referrals.
Comments or criticisms of our policies or Web sites
should be addressed to mailto:email@example.com.
(please click above to vote for this
is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month