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The hidden half of domestic violence

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More abuse of Men by Child Protective Services

I don't know if you can help but I have a real problem here and I am trying to find a way to repair what I have done.

In January of this year my ex and I split up. We had been living common-law for 4 years and in these 4 years we had two children together. I had 3 children prior to our relationship making it 5 children in all. Towards the end of our relationship things really got stressed and anyway I was not in my right mind when we did split finally. I and the five children went to live in a shelter for women. I had pressed charges against my ex but in the end dropped them.

After quite some time and a lot of counseling from the workers in the shelter I finally came to my senses. Now what I do realize is that what

I had really believed in January is untrue. The damage, however, is done. In this process of regaining my sanity...I falsely accused my ex of abusing the kids. The result of this is a peace bond where he can't see the 3 older children and supervised visitation for the two younger ones and of course his name being dragged in the mud and labeled a child abuser. Now that I am back to myself and see what I have done...I have no clue how to repair the damage. I want the kids to see him freely and I don't

want the threat of him being arrested for seeing them. The youth protection is involved as well and they have told me if the judge grants

unsupervised visitation for the two younger ones then they will signal and go over the head of the judge. I've been told by the youth protection that if I allow my ex back into our lives that the 5 children

will be signaled and they will be placed.

My question is ...how do I fix this so there is no more peace bond and that all five children can freely see their father? How can I clear his name? and how can I get youth protection to see that what had been said in January is not true? and one more question... What can I do about the lies that the youth protection told us and the court? We are talking about the Quebec Youth Protection.

Like I said...I don't know if this is the right place to be asking these

questions. If not maybe you can direct me to the right people. I do have an appointment with a lawyer in September but this is really bothering me and I would like information before.

Thank you for your time.

my reply to this lady and her replies follow: None, I do take your question as sincere. It takes courage to admit that we have lied. However, one thing I have found out is that almost anytime a woman accuses a man of a crime. the authorities bend over backward to assume it is the truth. When she admits she lied, they will not believe her and will continue to press charges against the man. This is odd in the fact that one way or the other, she has proved she will not be fully honest. This is one reason so many men feel we have a very anti-male society.

Maybe it would be a good idea to go public...but I doubt if the media will listen very well. When a man has to go to "classes" about abuse and it is from a woman's shelter, it is almost universal that it is from a feminist slant and often that causes more harm then good. It is my feeling that these groups make men feel as if they are 100% wrong and a woman is always right.

None, you said you have stayed in a woman's shelter....I would be very interested in the approach they took and how they treated men vs. women. I do have a forum for abused "men" and although it is a well kept secret, there are far more abused men then most realize. The address is below.

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You are right in your statement "these groups make men feel as if they are 100% wrong and a woman is always right. " Not just make men "feel"...but women "believe" this to be true. We were in shelters for 6 months. Stayed in three different ones. They are all basically the same and have the same mandate in mind. I was lucky though...in those shelters 95% of the workers are all the same. Even worse that what some women leave...They say that the shelters are a "control-free" environment....BS!! But as I was saying...I got lucky in the last shelter and ended up with a worker that actually was thinking about family and the kids...Maybe she didn't realize it...but she helped me see what I was doing. She herself did not agree with alot that was going on in the shelters...she did not agree with alot that was going on with dyp...she would sit in meetings with me and dyp and shake her head several times... There are SOME workers in those shelters that aren't "men bashers"....I say "some" because I only ran across one in the 6 months I was in there.

I will be going public with this...I had told them that the day I left the shelter in July. However, selfish as it may sound...right now I want to fix my mess...the lives of our children depend on this...they need their father...and their father needs them.
 No...he not only is he NOT a child abuser...but he is NOT a woman beater either. What lacked in all of this is belief in him and trust. Plain and simple... I won't go into details...but that is the foundation of the problem... Like I said to Athena above...yes I got pressured ...pressured really hard for that matter...but I STILL let them do it...I STILL let it happen.

There is got to be a way to fix this...our children are suffering and he is suffering as well.....


FROM THE FATHER....

Just a few words from the father involved the last 8 months have been hell on both me and my family but throughout all of this i have had the faith that in the end what i believed would triumph over all the madness and it has .. i have finally been able to talk to my kids and i have what i want .. nothing else matters this is over .. at least as far as the kids and i are concerned i have their love and respect .. NO ONE will change that .. not my ex .. not the government not now .. not ever and after all isn't that what's most important?
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Coerced...yes but not by the court...by Youth Protection and two of the shelters that I had been in. But as our kids have put it...yes...I was pressured into doing what I did...but I still let them do it. I should have believed in my ex. but I choose not to.
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We have been to court...both for the custody and the assault charges. The custody hearing...unfortunately, came first and because I was sitting in a shelter with the kids it looked really bad for my ex. I don't know what he pled for that...all I know the results was that I have full custody and he has supervised visitation. We are slated to go back to court in November for this. After that court hearing a couple weeks later was the assault charge. I dropped the charges and he was acquitted...however there was a peace bond tagged on to it. In the peace bond the three older children were added. He, according to the peace bond, is not allowed any contact whatsoever with me or the 3 older kids till May 2001.
 As you have noted I have posted the messages from the
FBI (no not that one) site and I do appreciate your joining us.

All it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.

To ALL: The previous dozen post are not to say that there are not real abused women. we know there are.

One point I want to make very clear is one thing that vixenstwin stated. TRUST...we need to trust our spouse...however we EACH must be careful that we do not violate that trust as it is often very hard to reestablish trust once we have done so.

vixenstwin once again Thank you for having the courage and integrity to come forward and post this on the
F.B.I and here.

Ken

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