hidden half of domestic violence
to have eternal life
A Letter To WGNR and Focus
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide
house. Pro 21:9
As the director of Shattered Men, I listened with
interest to the WGRN program on domestic violence which was aired on Saturday
Oct. 11th. with Focus Ministries. I agree that far too often the
"church" does not address domestic abuse but this does work
both ways. Shattered Men has had many men who told me that they were
ignored by their church. One was threatened with arrest if he went on church
property again when he asked if their ministry for domestic violence helped
men. (I did contact them and was told that very few men asked for help but
this person told me he knew many men who would have needed their help)
This was not just in one church. I have heard it in may
and one police officer who was being abused told me that his pastor then made
his wife a Sunday School teacher to teach women how to be Godly wives.
One of our associate directors told me that a man in her
church asked her if it were true that she was involved with a ministry for
domestic violence. He then informed her that he and several other men he
knew of were in abusive relationships and they set up a time to meet with many
of these men when a few days later he "committed suicide" Odd,
when he finally had hope, that he would do this. This is why I do wonder
if it was indeed suicide.
I have checked many "Christian" Ministries
that address domestic violence. Shattered Men is the only one that I
have been able to find that helps men. Many of the others will not even
tell an abused man where he can get help. Shattered Men is one of
a very few that I know of that will include the only REAL solution for
abuse... A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST. We have a link to
the plan of salvation on each of over 1,000 pages on our website. We include
it in most of the messages we have written to heal the scars of abuse and we
often remind people that the Psalmist prayed...Search ME oh
Lord,....Not search my husband or search my wife!
Shattered Men is seeing results. We have seen over
three dozen men and women saved from suicide. Many have accepted the LORD and
many marriages have been saved. All of this is in spite of the fact that
almost every Christian Ministry will not acknowledge this ministry.
Although we have had donations of less then $100.00 in nine years (half of
that was from my sister) we know the LORD has done much with little.
When we have sent information about this
ministry to educate them about the truth of domestic abuse, all we managed to
do is get on THEIR list to send donations to.
The result is Shattered Men is in "no man's
land" Christian groups will not acknowledge us because we talk
about abused men while secular groups do not acknowledge us because we do
approach it from a Christian prospective as he talk about things like The
Hidden Cost...of SIN!, Bearing
False Witness and Where
is GOD? Answers for an "Atheist" .
(However far more secular websites have a link to Shattered Men then do
I did not notice a source for these statistics.
I am sure you are aware that if the source is not based upon truth, it can
not be Biblical. Before I begin, I have NOT been abused so I am
not reacting to having been abused. However, I use to believe all of the
typical stats we keep hearing until the LORD helped open my eyes.
Over 30% (some estimate over 50%) of all murders of
women in America are committed by intimate partners.
"Intimate partners" is now used to mask the
fact that some of of the domestic abuse is between homosexual couples. Lesbian
couples have a higher domestic violence rate then do heterosexual and
homosexual relationships. "Intimate partners"
also mask the fact that many of those killed in these relationships were
killed by someone other then a spouse. Both women and children are
safest in a home where both biological parents who are married to each other
Further more, the murder of intimate partners does not
fully reflect on the number of men murdered because it only includes those who
have been charged with the murder. There are twelve excuses women can
often use to get away with murder and when most of these excuses are used, it
is not listed as an "intimate partner homicide" I am sure you
have heard of Mary Winkler? There was absolutely no evidence that Mary
was abused yet this pastor was murdered as he slept.
Revs. Sam and Bunny Sewell point out that:
1. Women are three times more
likely than men to use weapons in spousal violence.
2. Women initiate
most incidents of spousal violence.
3. Women commit
most child abuse and most elder abuse.
4. Women hit
their male children more frequently and more severely than they hit their
5. Women commit
most child murders and 64% of their victims are male children.
6. When women murder adults the
majority of their victims are men .
7. Women commit
52% of spousal killings and are convicted of 41% of spousal murders.
8. Eighty two percent of the general
population had their first experience of violence at the hands of women.
Up to 6 million women are believed to be beaten in their
homes each year. Four million incidents are reported. Up to 90% of battered
women never report their abuse.
Is this the new math we keep hearing about? Since
when does 2/3's of women reporting abuse equal 90% NOT reporting it? If
four million are reporting it, then there would be about FORTY million women
who are abused. Just looking at this would cause me to suspect this
statistic. It is like the myth that more women go to the emergency room
for domestic abuse then rapes. muggings and auto accidents combined. In
reality, more go for dog bites.
The six million referred to above is
based on social studies by Straus
and others supported by the National
Institute of Mental Health. They report that roughly 6 million women a
year are victims of some level of domestic violence in the United States. Of
these 6 million women, 1.8 million are seriously assaulted every year. These
estimates are based on surveys made in 1975, 1985, and 1992 (see Table
However, it is widely ignored that the same
studies consistently found that an equal
number of men were experiencing domestic violence and an
even greater number, 2.2 million men per year,
are being seriously assaulted by their female partners.
Further more, even more men do not report the abuse or worse yet, they are
arrested for being abused. This would throw the statistics off would it
On the average, a woman is battered in the United States
by a partner every twelve to fifteen seconds!
50% of all homeless women and children in America are
fleeing domestic violence.
Again, what is the source? It has been my
experience based upon reports from both men and women that often when a woman
is thinking of a divorce, all she needs to do is get a restraining order and
the man is removed from the home. In reality, there are far more
homeless men because of false accusations of domestic violence. I
contend that many of these homeless women are in fact using one of over 2,000
women shelters and it keep the statistics up, they are reported as homeless.
50-70% of men who abuse their partners also abuse
children in the home.
The average batterer is held less than 2 hours, and less
than 1% serve any jail time.
I notice this only states men...but mothers are
responsible for 2/3's of all child abuse. Does the reasoning you give
above shows that since they abuse their children, they are also abusing their
As far as being held, many police jurisdictions
have "must arrest" laws in which a man has to be arrested if police
are called to a domestic disturbance. Several state attorney generals
have told me that they will not prosecute a woman for domestic violence. I
contend that this is due to the Violence Against Women Act which has destroyed
far more homes and has harmed more women then it has helped.
The very same resource that tells how often women are
battered went on to say in the very next sentence that a man is battered
slightly more often.
Even more revealing is the findings on intimate
partner violence from a study conducted by scientists at
the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The lead
investigator was Daniel Whitaker, Ph.D., a behavioral scientist and
team leader at the National Center for Injury Prevention and
Control (which is part of the CDC). Results were published in the
May Journal of Public Health.
Whitaker discovered, of the 24 percent of relationships
that had been violent, half had been reciprocal and half had not.
Although more men than women (53 percent versus 49 percent) had
experienced nonreciprocal violent relationships, more women than
men (52 percent versus 47 percent) had taken part in ones involving
Regarding perpetration of violence, more women than
men (25 percent versus 11 percent) were responsible. In fact, 71
percent of the instigators in nonreciprocal partner violence were
women. This finding surprised Whitaker and his colleagues, they
admitted in their study report.
As for physical injury due to intimate partner
violence, it was more likely to occur when the violence was
reciprocal than nonreciprocal. And while injury was more likely
when violence was perpetrated by men, in relationships with
reciprocal violence it was the men who were injured more often (25
percent of the time) than were women (20 percent of the time).
"This is important as violence perpetrated by women is often
seen as not serious," Whitaker and his group stressed.
Once again, the ONLY real solution to this problem is a
right relationship with Jesus Christ. We need to be encouraging
personal accountably and responsibly and until both men and women do
that, this will remain a problem in our homes. As well as being an
ordained pastor I have been a mental health nurse for 30 years and I have
seldom seen a conflict between two adults where BOTH did not add to the
problem. Is it not time to value ALL our people...to recognize that
abuse is a HUMAN problem, not a gender problem?
Pastor Kenneth Deemer
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
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is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month