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The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


A Letter To WGNR and Focus Ministries 

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.  Pro 21:9

 
As the director of Shattered Men, I listened with interest to the WGRN program on domestic violence which was aired on Saturday Oct. 11th. with Focus Ministries.  I agree that far too often the "church" does not address domestic abuse but  this does work both ways.  Shattered Men has had many men who told me that they were ignored by their church. One was threatened with arrest if he went on church property again when he asked if their ministry for domestic violence helped men. (I did contact them and was told that very few men asked for help but this person told me he knew many men who would have needed their help) 
 
This was not just in one church. I have heard it in may and one police officer who was being abused told me that his pastor then made his wife a Sunday School teacher to teach women how to be Godly wives. 
 
One of our associate directors told me that a man in her church asked her if it were true that she was involved with a ministry for domestic violence.  He then informed her that he and several other men he knew of were in abusive relationships and they set up a time to meet with many of these men when a few days later he "committed suicide"  Odd, when he finally had hope, that he would do this.  This is why I do wonder if it was indeed suicide.
 
I have checked many "Christian" Ministries that address domestic violence.  Shattered Men is the only one that I have been able to find that helps men.  Many of the others will not even tell an abused man where he can get help.   Shattered Men is one of a very few that I know of that will include the only REAL solution for abuse... A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST.   We have a link to the plan of salvation on each of over 1,000 pages on our website. We include it in most of the messages we have written to heal the scars of abuse and we often remind people that the Psalmist prayed...Search ME oh Lord,....Not search my husband or search my wife!
 
The First Step to Better Relationship
 
Shattered Men is seeing results.  We have seen over three dozen men and women saved from suicide. Many have accepted the LORD and many marriages have been saved.  All of this is in spite of the fact that almost every Christian Ministry will not acknowledge this ministry.  Although we have had donations of less then $100.00 in nine years (half of that was from my sister) we know the LORD has done much with little.
 
When we have sent information about  this ministry to educate them about the truth of domestic abuse, all we managed to do is get on THEIR  list to send donations to.  
 
The result is Shattered Men is in "no man's land"  Christian groups will not acknowledge us because we talk about abused men while secular groups do not acknowledge us because we do approach it from a Christian prospective as he talk about things like The Hidden Cost...of SIN!Bearing False Witness and Where is GOD? Answers for an "Atheist"  .  (However far more secular websites have a link to Shattered Men then do Christian sites)
 
 
Now to address the "facts" as listed on the Focal Ministry website  http://www.focusministries1.org/
 
I did not notice a source for these statistics.  I am sure you are aware that if the source is not based upon truth, it can not be Biblical.  Before I begin, I  have NOT been abused so I am not reacting to having been abused. However, I use to believe all of the typical stats we keep hearing until the LORD helped open my eyes.
 
 
Over 30% (some estimate over 50%) of all murders of women in America are committed by intimate partners.
 
"Intimate partners" is now used to mask the fact that some of of the domestic abuse is between homosexual couples. Lesbian couples have a higher domestic violence rate then do heterosexual and homosexual relationships.   "Intimate partners"  also mask the fact that many of those killed in these relationships were killed by someone other then a spouse.  Both women and children are safest in a home where both biological parents who are married to each other reside.
 
Further more, the murder of intimate partners does not fully reflect on the number of men murdered because it only includes those who have been charged with the murder. There are twelve excuses women can often use to get away with murder and when most of these excuses are used, it is not listed as an "intimate partner homicide"  I am sure you have heard of Mary Winkler?  There was absolutely no evidence that Mary was abused yet this pastor was murdered as he slept. 
 
 Revs. Sam and Bunny Sewell point out that:

1. Women are three times more likely than men to use weapons in spousal violence.

2. Women initiate  most incidents of spousal violence.

3. Women commit  most child abuse and most elder abuse.

4. Women hit  their male children more frequently and more severely than they hit their female children.

5. Women commit  most child murders and 64% of their victims are male children.

6. When women murder adults the majority of their victims are men .

7. Women commit   52% of spousal killings and are convicted of 41% of spousal murders.

8. Eighty two percent of the general population had their first experience of violence at the hands of women.

http://www.shatterdmen.com/Family%20Violence.htm
 
Up to 6 million women are believed to be beaten in their homes each year. Four million incidents are reported. Up to 90% of battered women never report their abuse.
 
Is this the new math we keep hearing about?  Since when does 2/3's of women reporting abuse equal 90% NOT reporting it?  If four million are reporting it, then there would be about FORTY million women who are abused.  Just looking at this would cause me to suspect this statistic.  It is like the myth that more women go to the emergency room for domestic abuse then rapes. muggings and auto accidents combined. In reality, more go for dog bites.
 

The six million referred to above is  based on social studies by Straus and others supported by the National Institute of Mental Health. They report that roughly 6 million women a year are victims of some level of domestic violence in the United States. Of these 6 million women, 1.8 million are seriously assaulted every year. These estimates are based on surveys made in 1975, 1985, and 1992 (see Table 7).

However, it is widely ignored that the same studies consistently found that an equal number of men were experiencing domestic violence and an even greater number, 2.2 million men per year, are being seriously assaulted by their female partners.   Further more, even more men do not report the abuse or worse yet, they are arrested for being abused.  This would throw the statistics off would it not?

 

On the average, a woman is battered in the United States by a partner every twelve to fifteen seconds!
 
See above., the same studies consistently found that an equal number of men were experiencing domestic violence   http://www.dvmen.org/dv-35.htm#pgfId-1353321
 
50% of all homeless women and children in America are fleeing domestic violence.
 
Again, what  is the source?  It has been my experience based upon reports from both men and women that often when a woman is thinking of a divorce, all she needs to do is get a restraining order and the man is removed from the home.  In reality, there are far more homeless men because of false accusations of domestic violence.  I contend that many of these homeless women are in fact using one of over 2,000 women shelters and it keep the statistics up, they are reported as homeless. 
 
 
50-70% of men who abuse their partners also abuse children in the home.
The average batterer is held less than 2 hours, and less than 1% serve any jail time.
 
I notice this only states men...but mothers are responsible for 2/3's of all child abuse.  Does the reasoning you give above shows that since they abuse their children, they are also abusing their partners?
 
As far as being held,  many police jurisdictions have "must arrest" laws in which a man has to be arrested if police are called to a domestic disturbance. Several state attorney generals have told me that they will not prosecute a woman for domestic violence. I contend that this is due to the Violence Against Women Act which has destroyed far more homes and has harmed more women then it has helped.
 
The very same resource that tells how often women are battered went on to say in the very next sentence that a man is battered slightly more often.
 
Even more revealing is the findings on intimate partner violence  from a study conducted by scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The lead investigator was Daniel Whitaker, Ph.D., a behavioral scientist and team leader at the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (which is part of the CDC). Results were published in the May Journal of Public Health.
 
Whitaker discovered, of the 24 percent of relationships that had been violent, half had been reciprocal and half had not. Although more men than women (53 percent versus 49 percent) had experienced nonreciprocal violent relationships, more women than men (52 percent versus 47 percent) had taken part in ones involving reciprocal violence.

Regarding perpetration of violence, more women than men (25 percent versus 11 percent) were responsible. In fact, 71 percent of the instigators in nonreciprocal partner violence were women. This finding surprised Whitaker and his colleagues, they admitted in their study report.

As for physical injury due to intimate partner violence, it was more likely to occur when the violence was reciprocal than nonreciprocal. And while injury was more likely when violence was perpetrated by men, in relationships with reciprocal violence it was the men who were injured more often (25 percent of the time) than were women (20 percent of the time). "This is important as violence perpetrated by women is often seen as not serious," Whitaker and his group stressed.

http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/31-a 
 
Once again, the ONLY real solution to this problem is a right relationship with Jesus Christ.  We need to be encouraging  personal accountably and responsibly and until both men and women do that, this will remain a problem in our homes.  As well as being an ordained pastor I have been a mental health nurse for 30 years and I have seldom seen a conflict between two adults where BOTH did not add to the problem.  Is it not time to value ALL our people...to recognize that abuse is a HUMAN problem, not a gender problem?
 
 
Pastor Kenneth Deemer
 
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
 
shatteredmen@earthlink.net
 
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
 
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http://www.shatterdmen.com/JDSMCover.htm
 
 

 

 

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