The hidden half of domestic violence
How to have eternal life
Now Playing: Amazing Grace for His grace is amazing.
Marlin has been faithful not only to Shatterd Men, but to the God's Rest clubs for some time.
He ofen volunteers to lead our chats on short notice and always shows the Love of our Lord i
doing so, He has gown greatly in our Lord since I have known him. I am honored to serve our
Lord with Marlin in side by side in this ministry.
|Our LORD Will never leave us for forsake us (forget us) and although our sins are cast into the deepest sea never to be remembered, HE will not forget the good we have done.|
Well, here goes... First I humble myself and plead the
blood of Jesus that this testimony will only bring others to a knowledge of
Christ, and hopefully bring an understanding to abuse.
It started in a foster home. I was only 3 or 4 yrs. old. I was in the bathroom and an older guy had me perform some acts on him. I felt curious and happy, but at the same time a deep foreboding. Little did I know why. Then in the same foster home, the 'old lady' came up to me with a huge pair of scissors, "I'll make you into a girl if you want!" is what she said. The terror still runs into my heart to this day.
I then got adopted at age five to a 'prominent' military member. It started out pretty nice. Then, it hit. He started with a few unkind words, then outright degradation of my very being. Then the belt came out. Early on I learned not to cry (I still can't cry completely today). Then, his wife started. My twin sister, was pretty well off, but at that time she did get a 30 minute belting while laying on the floor with just her panties on. I knew then that something was wrong.
Then, when I was ten, I was sent to boarding school. I had already put up with constant teasing from other peers, and was always thinking I was what my adopted father's favorite quotation was, " your no good for anything". Well they had put me in with older guys and that was o.k. to me. Until I got pinned on a floor with a knife to my scrotum, being told and forced to do unmentionable things. During that time, about two years it was quickly spread that I gave no resistance and others got into the act. I was called fag, constantly, until I believed it. I really thought the only way to get other guys to like me was to perform for them.
Needless to say I was abruptly removed and several of the ones bothering me (not all). This was a 'Christian school' and of course nothing like that ever goes on in a Christian all male school.
Now I really thought poorly of myself, it wasn't just the adopted father, but now 'God' said I wasn't any good ran constantly through my mind. Meanwhile I was being slammed at home. The belt went to direct to fist upon body and face. I was sent out in the yard to 'pick weeds and keep the yard nice looking (anybody need a landscape artist?). At other times I was sent to my room with the door taped so I could not get out. I was alone with a bible and about fifty National Geographic.
I was sent to 3 other boarding schools, all Christian in about 5 yrs. time. I still looked for console by performing to other guys. I really thought I was a 'homosexual', and no good for anything else. But deep in my heart, I held on. I knew Christ would help me somehow, some way. Along a road at night (yes, when they had company, they sent me out to 'go for a walk' and be home at a certain time), I prayed, "Jesus, your my only friend, teacher, brother and Lord, my all and everything, won't you be mine?" I felt a peace of not on the earth then.
The abuse went on and on and I still believed I was a 'fag'. But, I had a knew meaning to hold on to. Christ was over me. Then at age 17, I found out "We didn't want you, we only wanted a daughter, and your not a part of this family, next time you come into this yard I'll get a gun and kill you". Now I new why my sister (twin), was always treated better. And why I was the 'black sheep of the family'. Needless to say I went back to the last boarding school and told a teacher what was going on in that family. He said," That is not normal, not what a normal family does."
I went to Florida after that, and went to a run-away
center. There I found out, that HRS (now DHR) had known all about what was going
on. But their hands were tied since they couldn't go into a home without consent
of the family by law at that time. I was sent to their town and went to court
for protective custody. I won easily without any time over two minutes before a
judge. Then I went into a foster home and went to the same school my twin sister
was at. She was forbidden to talk to me, and was 'brainwashed' into thinking I
was going to hurt her. I tried to commit suicide, but thank God that didn't
happen. I went to a health clinic and was told "you did remarkably well considering
all the abuse you went through." That I chalk up to Christ.
I then went into the military after Job Corps. I did 11 years, until the disarray of relationships got to me physiologically. While I was in, I found my natural family, and finding out they were devoted Christians, I changed my name to the original birth name.
I then had a downfall. I had a big argument after I got out with my next to oldest sister. I went out to the street to stay overnight. I went to a dark place by myself, and got raped again. Well, I re-dedicated my life to Christ after that. Now, without sex since 1992, I believe that one should wait until they are married for sex. God kept me through my turmoil actions and spared me any disease from what I was doing. I have completely given it up ( the thoughts still come, but Jesus is working on that!)
If Christ pulled me out of that, He can help you, even if it greater tribulation than mine.
In closing I'd like to say that if you are in an abusive situation in any form, CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD--AND GET HELP NOW!!! To God be the glory! (+)
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month