Shat terd

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The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


How to Help  FROM an MPDer

Inside littles are smart kids. They can detect insincerity a mile away.
Don't patronize. Don't pretend to know more than you do. Don't pretend to
care if you don't.


Insiders time out is often restricted and/or limited. It's important to
remember to talk to them (if you can)
at the time they ask. They may not be "out" at YOUR convenience.

Supporting us with MPD is a very taxing, time-consuming job. It must be a labor of love. If you do not have the time, or
do not have the dedication to follow through, please don't start.

We have had enough let-downs and rejections.


Remember that insiders are just like outsiders. They like to form real
friendships. Remember to ask about their days.

It's a real turn off to think someone only wants to talk to us for the
purpose of "fixing" us.


Many of us have a therapist--what we need is a friend and safe parent
figures.


Remember that to a child (insiders or not) their crises are as important to
them as adult ones.


You wouldn't brush off a "real" child. Don't do it to an insider.


You may have only one chance to establish trust. Don't blow it.


Forgive me if this sounds too firm. Just be thankful suzie is not writing
it.


We are just so tired of folks starting and not following through, so tired
of folks pretending to care.


Kids spell love--T-I-M-E.


Don't bother to assert you love if you won't give your time.


VERY IMPORTANT: Alters are just like outside people. They each have
unique personalities. Sometimes, these personalities aren't so pleasant. We
may be tempted to ignore these "ornery" alters and concentrate more on the
ones that are more pleasant. This is just as wrong as it is to do it to an
"outsider." Some alters are very quiet and are often ignored because
they don't assert themselves. Sometimes they are quiet because they are
depressed. We should pay particular attention to the quiet and ornery
ones.

Most of the time, it is these that need the most help.

For the record, I am talking to myself as well as everybody else. Just like you, I am learning, and I make mistakes, but if my mistakes help me and help me to help
someone else, then negative is turned into positive.


I am in no means disputing Ken's assertion that a person must be
prepared to work with someone with MPD. Knowledge of MPD is certainly helpful.
However, I have found that some of the folks that have helped me the
most have little knowledge of MPD. They possess what I feel 3
characteristics more important than intellectual understanding: acceptance, patience, and love. Working with someone who is MPD is overwhelming at times, even
for another person with MPD. The switching and the drastic mood changes can
be unnerving. Yet, if we accept the alter, have patience, and show our
love even when we haven't the slightest clue as to how to help, we can help
him/her. It goes back to something I said earlier. As supporters, we may be
prompted to fix the problem, but that is not our duty. Most of the time all
we need to do is listen and show our support. This does not take
special training. Sometimes we help and never even know it. Some alters are not
going to say thank you. That's ok. That doesn't mean they weren't
touched by our willingness to listen and encourage.
 

 If I could some up the MOST IMPORTANT "rule" to helping someone with MPD:
TREAT ALTERS LIKE REAL PEOPLE.

 

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