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The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


Latoya's Story

 

Although I have just received Latoya's story in e-mail, with permission to post it, it is far too common.  You will note here the all too common thread for women abused by men to want to hate all men, or men abused by women to blame all women.  I  thank God that Latoya "tired of the lying opinions that I heard" and sought the truth from God.   I am not sure who these people are that gave here these views, but I do know I have talked to many women who have spent time in women shelters, only to be encouraged to mistrust all men and to leave their husbands, without once trying to work things out.   Most of these shelters excuse any of the behavior by women and encourage all the blame to be placed on men.  We have seen this in the Al Unser Jr. story where he was hit by his girlfriend first and when he hit her back and left a small bruise, he was the one arrested, no questions asked.  Why are we always told there is "never and excuse to hit a woman" yet we make so many reasons for women to hit men?  Is it not time to value ALL our people and to tell our children it is wrong to hit PERIOD... NOT just that it is wrong to hit girls?  

I'm a 20 year old young woman who recently started dealing with the fact that I was molested when I was 12 by a male step relative. At first dealing with the pain and despair made me bitter and talking to other women didn't help. I started to buy into the stereotypes that most men are dogs and more men than women abuse. But, it just didn't feel right in my soul and it hurt to think my chances to be able to trust and be loved by a man was slim. Because "there are so many more good women out there than men" was what all women and most men agreed with. Then, I just got so tired of the lying opinions that I heard from so many people that I shut everybody out to find the truth from God.

I went back over the months that I dealt with the sexual abuse in entire not just the moment and testimonies that pertained to my abuse. But, several young men I talked to who were sexually abused who felt the same way I did. The young man that was raped when he was 11 or 12 by an older girl cousin, who in his teens when women would constantly try to be intimate with him had the same problem saying no and feeling like he had a right to his body.

Or the young man who remembered laying in his bed at night after his father beat him feeling like because he was a guy he couldn't cry and just let the pain fester as he rolled up into a little ball unable to sleep. I honestly believe that just as many women molest kids as men, just as many women use men for sex as men do women and probably more women are physically abusive, because the taps and the slaps that society laugh off can hurt, not only physically but emotionally by attacking a man's pride.

In time just like sexual and physical abuse against women came out, the same abuse against men and the correct statistics will come out. I agree that violence and sin is not a gender thing but a plague on humankind, male and female playing the same roles both victim and perpetrator. All things must come to the light.

If I, despite the pain and bitterness I had for the men who hurt me in my life can see it, I know that one day society will see it as well. They will see that the same double standard that hold talented women back and cause them to get less pay also protect abusive perpetrating women who can hide behind society's inability to see past the color or gender of a person and see their true personality and hold them accountable for their actions. Just hold on and more importantly speak up and let your voices be heard.

Men were taught to suck it up and not share their feelings, but secrecy will only cause it to fester and derail the possibility of change. As well as, continue to create a rift between men and women due to negative attitudes towards men that contribute to the alarming rate of broken homes.

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