Shat terd

Men 

The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


This story is posted was originally posted on a dear friends web site with this introduction.   I have read it often when I have felt this battle getting overwhelming.   Sue's site was responsible for me to see the real truth about domestic violence.  It is the reason I am doing what I am doing now!

Thank You so much Sue!

Now Playing: Amazing Grace for His grace is amazing.

 

I am proud to call Ken a friend, and though we've not known each other long, I have found him to be a most warm and loving person. He first wrote asking if he could do anything to help in the fight to get justice for men, then within a short space of time he'd founded a wonderful online support group for men. It was no surprise to me, and an indication of Ken's integrity and love of people that, though his Support group was for Christian Men, he asked me, a woman to join. Not only that, but I'm also Jewish, but Ken's loving kindness knows no bounds. He works tirelessly to help anyone who comes his way, and fights fearlessly anyone who would cross swords with him in his quest to seek justice for all human beings. More amazing than all this, Ken's early life had not been filled with love, he'd not known a stable and loving home. He is a true testament that children who have been abused truly can break the cycle.

I hope you will read Ken's story, then go to his Club and introduce yourself. I know you'll come away, as I do, feeling inspired and ready to fight one more battle.

Ken's Story

How Does Abuse Affect Men?
How do I start this? I guess from the beginning.

I came from a poor family. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people do. However, I did not have a good male role model in my life. My grandfather was an alcoholic and mean as anything. My father was in and out of hospitals and seldom at home. When he was he was dominated by my mother.

I do not remember a time when I was hugged and I do not remember being told I love You.

I do remember earning my own money to buy tooth paste and then seeing my younger brother smear it all over the window. When I tried to stop him, I was beaten., NOT spanked...beaten. To this day, I think my dental heath suffers from that as I did not develop good dental hygiene as a result.

I also remember my sisters being treated better then I was. Oh I can not remember all the details about it but I do know early on I started thinking it was nice to be a girl.

Then one Halloween night when I was about 9, I went out trick or treating to get candy we seldom could get, The trick was on ME. I was kidnapped and raped that night, I remember all the vivid details to this day, I remember the man drove a 52 Ford.

I also remember being too afraid to tell my parents because I thought I would be in trouble for what happened.

I hid this from the world for over 40 years. I never told anyone about it. I started thinking women were superior. After all, women did not do these things., Only MEN did.

As an adult, these feelings were reinforced by society. I saw women being valued so much more then men. Why anytime a crime was committed and hostages were taken, the first thing done was to try to get the women released, That made it far more likely that armed intervention would take place since the women were safe... only males would die then. It seems as if this was OK with society,

I see this in history, When the Titanic sank the main thing that was needed for one to die that night was to be a male. It is more tragic that ALL the women and children could have been saved AND 212 more men had they not been trying so hard to keep men out of the life boats.

Then of course, we had the male bashing jokes. I am not repeating them. Too many people really believe them. Too many believe that men think with the “little brain” Too many really think men are always wrong. I too believed them for so long. I believed them so much I was spreading them too. Maybe it was means of coping. If you can not beat them join them.

Then the net came,. I have told you that by this time I had it deeply entrenched in me that women were superior to men. I could not put it into feelings at that time but now I realize I did not like being a man. I started finding web sites that were centered on abusing men. I will not even mention the name of some of these sites.

Then I got ICQ. I remember looking for random contacts by women that said “intelligent conversations wanted” I contacted them and said that left out half the population and I did not mean women. It worked almost every time . Then we both got into male bashing.

I even sent many of these women explicit cartoons and even some pictures but always about men. One of the cartoons was about a woman hanging her husband by parts she did not have. I often told women they should really do this to rapist and if the question ever came up about them being innocent,. my answer was at least they would be males. I often told them what they could do to these men in very plain language. I never used slang language for any of a woman’s; anatomy but we would use anything for a mans’. All of this was because of never hearing anything good about men.

It was ICQ that I started to tell women about my rape to let them know why I hated men and hated being one. However at this time I did not know I did not like being a male. I always told then women were far superior to men but “I” was an exception.

I found myself going to femdom sites,. Female supremacy that punished men for being males and often using parts these women do not have again. (it is a good thing I am typing this out and not telling it live so I can pause at times. It is not easy to think of these things again but if it helps just ONE man. to realize what I am about to say, or helps ONE woman to realize what is happening to our men and boys it is worth it. Anyway, one thing I did not point out when I started is that I did go to a youth rally when I was 12. it was Oct 1, 1958 that I put my trust in Jesus Christ for my salvation. This fact has made all the difference in the world for where I am today,

Although during these painful times in my life, I thought God hated men, that he was very unfair to men, He was always there protecting me...mostly from myself. He used my wife to whom I had been married for over 20 years to protect me. You see, with getting into these femdom sites I think if it were not for her, I would have turned fantasy into reality, I would have found some of these women and would be a slave to them now. It was the LOVE of a very Patient God that kept me from that. He even used a femdom site to get me out. I posted a question on a female supremacy board to ask why women were superior , It was at this time I was thinking of making a web site about why women were superior, This was on Deja new groups and I had posted about a 100 messages at that time. all about women being superior. Then I had a reply . This God used this reply to open my eyes. A women posted that she could care less what a male thought and that I could lick her a**.

Most men on this forum would have loved her answer. It hit me the wrong way thanks to God. I then started posting pro men things on deja. ( I now have almost 2000 pro men post there)

This, plus telling about my abuse as a child, was the cracks in the dam that I had built over 40 years. Then one day this dam broke WIDE OPEN! I realized for the first time in my life why I was doing what I was doing. I realized I did not like being a man. It HURT., it HURTS to know you can never change what is hurting the most.

Since I was a Christian., ( I had gone to church most of my life but had stopped going when I got into the femdom web sites) I knew what I had to do. I deleted those clubs I was in. I erased the memory and the cookies and did everything but format the drive. I wanted all traces of this garbage gone. I then joined several Christian clubs on Yahoo and went to my pastor and told him everything. I started looking for more information on men that have been abused, I found Sue’s web page and have used the information in many of the posts on Deja. I then went to a Biblical counselor . The HEALING had at long last begun . and it changed my life around.

A month after this I started a club called Shattered MEN. It is for abused MEN

Ken's Web Site

It still hurts at times. It hurts to see men being abused now but it is great to want to help them and not enjoy the abuse.

MEN are being abused even by society on a regular basis, Men are given longer prison terms for crimes women often get away with, THIS IS ABUSE

Men are often denied custody of their children when a divorce not of their making occurs, even when the mother has abused their children THIS IS ABUSE

MEN are denied the right to SEE their children even when a court so orders and they can do nothing about it but they better keep paying the support that often leaves them with very little to live on themselves. THIS IS ABUSE

Boys are being told in school verbally and non verbally that girls are better then boys. They see girls being valued far more then boys., Girls are given affirmative action to get into college (never mind more girls are going to college then boys now) They see women’s lives valued more then men’s, Remember, we did not go into Bosnia when “men” were being killed. We did go in when women were having “property” stolen from them. It tells men and boys that a woman’s discomfort is more important then a man’s life. THIS is ABUSE!

We still see it today. Russia  is preventing men and boys from leaving a war zone. Shortly it will be illegal for them to be there and they can not leave. This means many boys from 12 on up will be killed wholesale but there is NO OUTCRY. Why? Because they are ONLY MALES! - THIS IS ABUSE!

We saw it this week (Feb 2000) when the president of the US asked for 220 Million dollars for poor WOMEN with cancer. Not a DIME for MEN! THIS IS ABUSE!

It does show greater value being placed on WOMEN and NO VALUE on MEN! THIS IS ABUSE!

The Violence Against WOMEN Act (and now part two coming) Shows it is all right to be violent against MEN and I do have confirmation from the Department of Justice that this does NOT give ANY funds to stop violence to MEN THIS IS ABUSE!

Is it any wonder WHY our men and boys kill themselves at five times the rate of females?

I firmly believe this could be one reason for the rash of school and work place shootings.

Many men and boys can not put a feeling on this. They do not know way they feel as they do, It took me over 40 years to do so and I have had extensive training in this area.

I have worked in psychiatry for 25 years.. If it took me this long, what chance do our boys have to understand why they are feeling inferior? Most MEN do not understand this either. Oh many come up with a MACHO image but is this a front? Are they hurting inside? I feel this answer is a very firm YES!

People, if we do not start listening to the cry of our boys, if we do not DO SOMETHING about all the socially acceptable abuse to our men and boys, SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN! Ahh but more then likely it will be that MORE MALES will die and for most that is not a big deal OR IS IT?

THINK ABOUT THIS? What if it is YOUR SON, FATHER, BROTHER, HUSBAND, UNCLE OR other male relative that is hurting so bad? Believe me IT HURTS to have these thoughts and for the most part, have only the pain and not really know why!

Is it not time to VALUE ALL OUR PEOPLE? BOTH MALE AND FEMALE?

WHAT CAN YOU DO? Tell the men in your life you appreciate them and then CRY OUT OVER THE ABUSE MEN are getting from, society. WRITE to Your government and tell them you will not tolerate it any longer and that you want FAIR justice and laws for ALL! WE NEED WOMEN to speak out they will NOT LISTEN TO MEN!

Please check out the club site to see what is happening in my life now. Post 22 is the most important post in the club!

Shattered MEN

My Story was originally posted on a dear friends site before we had this web site. 

PLEASE visit her site posted below!

Back To Share Your Experiences

Sues HOME  Page


6/10/2002    UPDATE

Shattered Men was started as a club on October 31,  1999. at 11:30 PM after I had been up almost 24 hours.  That is one reason it is spelled wrong, but even the spelling shows how lives, not just those of men, bit all lives can be shattered.  In the 2 and a half years since this time,. we have seen much  accomplished.  There is so much more to do.   My friend,  I can not tell you how good it feels to have been contracted by several who have told me they would literally not be alive today were it not for this group and or this web site.  This alone makes it all worth the while.  Yet I am also deeply burdened as I still see many places that call themselves "Christian"  that ignore the needs of those not fitting their profile of being worthy to help.  Those who know me, know how much this hurts me.  This is one example of what I am referring to.  The group will remain nameless but this is the introduction to their group:

A UNIQUE MINISTRY THAT WILL USE ANOINTED WOMEN FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUND AND RACES,TO GO OUT AND MINISTER TO A LOST WOMAN. THIS MINISTRY WAS REVEALED BY THE (HOLY SPIRIT)TO GO AND MINISTER TO WOMEN ONLY. GOD WILL USE THESE ANOINTED WOMEN TO NOT ONLY LEAD THEM TO CHRIST, BUT ALSO TO MEET THEIR NEEDS WHATEVER THOSE NEEDS MAYBE. WITH THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATION THAT YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH, GOD WILL BE ABLE TO LEAD YOU TO THAT WOMAN TO MEET HER NEEDS AND MAKE HER LIFE BETTER.

I would be just as hurt if this group, or any other said they would minister to men only...or Blacks or Whites or Chinese only...or anyone else ONLY.   For you see, God is not a respecter of persons. HE said HE is not willing for any to perish.  Yes I do know there are times we need to have select groups to help select people.  I am not contesting that, BUT  even those groups need to reach out to anyone and I mean ANYONE that comes to them for help and at the very least find a source for that person to get help.  The group above did not do this. They ignored the needs of men that have come to them, and simply deleted them from the group without explanation or referral.  My friend, Shattered Men can not and will not do this. 

Shattered Men does include women.  Women have made up about a third of our members from the day it was founded.  Two of our more active moderators are women.  I value them highly.   We even tried to have a group for those women who may have felt uncomfortable in Shattered men...Shattered Lives...but although we tried hard to have this group succeed,  there were few members and little activity. Most stayed in Shattered Men and many women contacted me and said they realized the need to stress men in the main group. The women in Shattered Men have reached out in love to several men that were very hurt by women.  Many have responded to the posts that attacked the purpose of Shattered Men saying we hated women and reminded those that said so that women do have many places to go but men have very few.  There are women's  shelters in almost every city in the U.S. but only two in the entire country that help men.  Women have the Violence Against Women Act to support them.,   This act provides over Three BILLION dollars for women. Not one thin dime for men.  For those who want proof of what we say, we will let our record speak for itself.  Not only do we help women in our group, I personally help as many women as I do men in instant messages.  Some of whom would not speak to any man..until they started talking to me.   One woman I remember well  talked to me only after many many offers that I was  available.  After a few dozen conversations, this precious woman ended a chat with, "I love you ken"   This was one of the most beautiful statements she made, for it indicated much healing had taken place.   My friend. This ministry    DOES help women.  We feel it is time to value ALL our people.  Can those others such as the above say the same?

I have come a long way personally in the two and half years since this ministry was started.  Oh we knew it would not be popular from the moment it was started.  I did not realize however, that most of the battles would be from Christian groups, from churches and other Christians.    Many of whom would deny this ministry is needed, yet almost everyone I have talked to have told me they know of a battered man personally.

One person will not even allow a link to the plan of salvation that is on this web site on their group.  We were accused of going to a couple of her groups (groups we had never heard of) to post who knows what.  No proof was offered as none could be given.  Yes I did post in the group with that introduction because I was invited to it with another id I used...tetra55 but I am sure they did not realize I was gasp...a  male.  I was banned and my posts were deleted when I questioned that they would not attempt to minister to a man.  I have no regret  for that action.

I have been banned from several groups because of my stand that we should be able to look beyond a persons fault and see their need.   I have been banned for expressing that love needs to be shown to all.  I will not give names for these groups, but most no longer exist.  I do not feel I had anything to do with that but I wonder if God did as HE is the one that demands we show LOVE.  

I do practice what we tell others.  There are several posts in Shattered Men that literally attack me. All of those posts are still there.  We have had moderators that wanted to delete them to protect me.  I  told them that any post that attacked me has to stay.  I will not respond to them in defense but I will with the help of my LORD respond to them if I can look beyond the attack and see their need.   Message 2191 is one such post as is 5144

We have had a woman that accused a man in one of our groups of coming to her home and sexually attacking her.  She fell just short of calling it rape.  One of our female moderators contacted her and found that she invited him to her home and that the resulting activity was indeed consensual.  This series of posts highlighted well the need for Shattered Men for most likely, had she called the police, this man would have been facing rape charges.  We did also contact the man about his part in this situation as he was just as wrong as was she.  We do feel that both sides need to be held accountable and responsible for their own actions.

When you look at the first part of this page, you can see that I was passive.  Those people who know me today find that hard to believe.  Often in our other groups, I am asked to take on the difficult posts.  I do not back down from a challenge but I do always try to respond in love.  Oh, I do not always do it..  I have responded incorrectly at times  when I felt that someone was being ignored and that a select group would be driven away because LOVE was not being shown. . 

There are times we are reminded of our past in an attempt to tear us down.  This has happened to a dear friend just recently. In closing this update, I want to include some post just recently posted  in our groups:

THANKS TO CALVARY:
1. Today I went back to the place where I used to go,
Today I saw the same old crowd I knew before;
When they asked me what had happened I tried to tell them,
"Thanks to Calvary, I don't come here any more."

CHORUS:
Thanks to Calvary I am not the man I used to be,
Thanks to Calvary things are different than before;
While the tears ran down my face, I tried to tell them,
"Thanks to Calvary I don't come here any more."

2. And then we went back to the house where we used to live,
My little boy (girl) ran and hid behind the door;
I said, "Son, (Honey) never fear, you've got a new Daddy,
"Thanks to Calvary, we don't live here any more."

CHORUS:
Thanks to Calvary I am not the man I used to be,
Thanks to Calvary things are different than before;
While the tears ran down my face, I tried to tell (him) (her)
"Thanks to Calvary, we don't live here any more."

W&M by William J. and Gloria Gaither
 

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new
creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become
new

I have recently talked to someone who had their past thrown back in
their face. I reminded them that the best thing to do in a case such
as that, is to say..Yes...that WAS me...but I am NOT the same person
now...thanks to JESUS. This is a perfect song for it does remind us
that we are new in Christ Jesus.

We also are reminded of our past by satan. When we are, remind him of
his FUTURE.

I do believe there is a purpose of remembering our past from time to
time, but we can not wallow in it. Our past can serve to remind us
where we started from and we can see where we are today. If I were
running a long race, I could look back to the starting point and see
how far I had progressed. If I thought I was running for hours and
had moved only a few feet, I would be discouraged and feel like
giving up. But if I could see the starting point way off in the
distance and the finish line so near ahead, it would give me that 2nd
wind to go on...

My friend, use your past to show you how far the LORD has brought
YOU...and remember..as long as You have trusted Christ..you are NOT
that person of your PAST....


ken
 

Update 2/28/04

The Lord has blessed this ministry and I am grateful for each blessing.,  We have seen more people come to the Lord for salvation and we have seen more that were about to take their own life but found hope in Jesus Christ through the ministry of Shattered Men. 

Recently, we have had a book that has been published which you can read about here

Jerusalem Daily/Shattered Men

I am excited about the possibilities that this book brings to further the ministry of Shattered Men and  although titles do not mean much for me, it often is needed to add creditability for the world I have been ordained by the United Fellowship of Christ and Shattered Men is now registered as a ministry.

Please keep this ministry and it's leadership in your prayers as we reach out to those that too often have been forgotten

ken

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