Shat  terd

Men 

The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


2 Corinthians 1:3-4  tells us:

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
 
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

Jocelyn is doing just this in writing her story for Shattered Men.   Each of have have our stories.  Each of have different levels of tolerance.  However for each one of us that expresses our story, our pain, it opens the door for others to be healed of their hurts and pains.  It is not easy to do this.  It is not easy to expose all our warts for all to see, but it is worth it.  It IS worth it!  

It took me several weeks to write Ken's Story, but it has helped so many others...men and women.  Jocelyn, thank you for expressing your inward feelings.   Not only does this help others heal from their wounds, it also keeps satan from using it to build strongholds within us.    I am proud to call you my friend.  

Jocelyn's Story

I was born in 1965 in England in a Christian family as the first child…my father being 45 and mother 36. In 1973 we moved to Belgium as my father wanted to leave England and I later found out my mother couldn’t stand England and she wanted to live in Belgium close to her family… By this time my English grandparents had died so there where no ties anymore for my father….I was 7 ½ when we moved to Belgium and don’t remember much from England…The only thing I do remember is a feeling of lose…because very quickly my father changed from the fun one who taught me to cycle and used to play with us a lot…into a morose tired man. 

Affection and love was not something showed in our family. Love was a word only to be used between man and wife…and even that behind closed doors. My mother told me about 3 months ago (I was 35 at the time) for the first time ever: “I love you”. You did know that she asked? Well as an adult I found out… but the child in me still hurts. I grew up feeling unloved even not wanted. After me came a son 2 ½ years younger than me…and still to this day my mother sings his praise :he does everything so well and is so nice…. (when in fact I don’t think so…but that’s an other story). I had a very tough time as a teenager… I kept trying to talk to my father and get him to listen…really listen to me…but it only ended up as the next screaming match. He was the traditional monarch…and his word was law…and I wanted a better reason then :”cause I told you so”. Why I kept bashing my head against the same wall time and time again… I still don’t know.

 

Then school: I had learning problems ( I’ve know found out I am ADD and I believe I’m dyslexic too) they couldn’t understand why one time I had good marks and the next bad ones…If I had good marks then I could do it….so I got stamped as lazy and crazy….bla bla bla. We used to read the Bible at table after supper: my father, me and my brother….each 3 verses…I can remember counting which ones were mine and “practising” them in my head so as not to make any mistakes and get laughed at again… I was trying and all I got was mockery. Then came the day where in the end I refused to read like that anymore…I said the Bible isn’t for a reading lesson…I don’t want to read and get us all angry while reading His word. So that stopped… but with studying it was the same…My father would quiz me and after 5 minutes….”you haven’t learnt this. Go up to your room and only come down when you are finished.” Needless to say that in my room I did every thing except study. I started thinking I can’t do it…so tried listening in class…cause then I could get pass marks …if I was lucky… I only got my high school diploma in the end by going to school in the train with a girl friend who got me to quiz her and so learnt it with her….by the skin of my teeth. After hearing that I “ was only going to be fit to sell oranges on the market place….” For years you really are not interested in studying….or anything else for that matter.  

After high school I half heatedly started a study hostess cause that’s the only study I was “allowed” to do. They never forbade me to study what I wanted…but they sure didn’t encourage me at all….they did everything they could to dissuade me…cause my choices would have been photography or archaeology. But they were not a study or a job for a woman…cause it would leave me no time for husband and to have children…. 

The summer before starting this study I met my future husband…after the first year I dropped out and the year after wards we got married and I moved to the Netherlands with him. After 2 ½ years we had our first child…a child who turned out to be very difficult and a bad sleeper…when she was 7 we found out she has ADD and that’s when our struggle with medical facilities began. 2 ½ years after that our first son was born…a very lively child….and he turned out to be a genius…(we had the diagnose about 6 months ago) 2 ¾ years after him our second son arrived. A lovely child but showing problems from very early…and we now suspect he has Asperger Syndrome ( a syndrome within the autistic spectrum). 2 ¼ years after him come our last child a girl…who is doing well if you forget about a language back log… of about 6 months ( that the medicals are getting worried about). It’s been so hard coping and trying to help the children with their problems but also finding out what IS wrong with them that I had a depression in 1999 and am actually still suffering from it now. I’m like a mum with a medical degree in these areas…lol…well not quite but learned anyway, and so as a therapist or observer to be able to get a diagnose. 

What I notice as consequence of my youth is that I am oh so insecure about what I am what I do….Got a big insecurity complex. I am also shy…believe it or not I am. I find it very hard to open up to people especially in a group and feel at ease…but I’m learning. I’ve also lost the norm…I find it very hard to know and judge what is true and what isn’t in what people say…in what the papers says…They could nearly convince me of anything.  

After a very difficult spring I turned back to the Lord for comfort. He got me down so far because I wouldn’t listen and wanted to fix things my way…He’s since taught me that He does the healing. He has given me a blessing in more ways than I can tell. In this short period of 5 months I have seen His hand at work so often…that no one can tell me no God exists. He has rewarded my small faith with His Love and He put me in a position to be able to share that Love by letting me join this club and putting such marvelous people on my road as Ken, Elise, Bridge, Becka, Faith, Connie….and many more…thank you all. 

What Ken doesn’t know is that I’ve had on my heart for years to open my house in hospitality to needing Christians. Having gone through a lot in my youth and even marriage, I have been shown by Jesus that He had a reason for this all and been looking for a way to do just that. And if that is to be able to comfort just ONE person, to point them toward the God of Love then it was worth it. …but that it would end up here on internet in a club I could never foresee. Thank God for the internet…for this club and the loving founders and members.

 

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