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The hidden half of domestic violence

 

How to have eternal life


 

JUDY'S STORY

 

Judy is a new member of the Shattered Men family.   Although we have know each other for a short time, Judy's story is far to typical.  You see, satan wants women to fear men, and men to fear women.  God created us to compliment each other.  He wants us to work together to serve God. 

As you read Judy's story, remember there are many more. As you read her story, please remember to pray for Judy as her healing has just began.  

 

I always thought I was lucky growing up in a strong Christian family.  My Daddy was my best friend.  I always had trouble with my Mother never understanding why she didn't like me.  As a family we always looked perfect.  Now I understand why 

Being sexually molested started at the age of 5 by my uncle, my Mother's brother.  I do not remember all of it, because it's locked away in my mind somewhere.  I do remember being 11 years old and I was at home alone with my uncle.  By then he was in a wheel chair. He was an alcoholic and while out on a drinking spree he was shot in the back. He was paralyzed and lost the use of his body from the waist down. When he came back into our home it did not stop his abuse. I remember being drug across the floor, hit, molested and oh, the threats. I finally got away and stayed outside until my parents came home from work.  I was so scared and never told anyone. I don't remember anything concerning my uncle until I was 15 years old.  He tried to get his hands on me again, I fought and ran.  I got a hold of my little sister's arm and drug her out side. She was only 8 years old. It was summer and 'he' was back in our house again. He had been in rehab for alcoholism.  My parents were trying to help him again.  I tried to commit suicide when I was 16 years old.  My Daddy cried and my Mother got mad.  I had embarrassed her.  My life went on in a strange way. 

I do not remember anything concerning my uncle until I was 17 years old and getting ready to go to college.  I put a butcher knife at his chest and told him I would kill him without a blink of an eye, if he laid a hand on my baby sister.  Every time I came home I repeated my threat to him.  I continued that practice until she married and left home.   

During those years I was being tormented by this animal, I lived a lie you see.  My good family was not so good.  My Mother always seemed to idolize her brother or I thought so. I did not like my Mother when I was growing up.  We screamed and yelled all the time.  She always called me her black sheep.  I never did anything bad, but I let her think I did.  I became a master of lying just to Mother. She would cry and I would laugh at her.  I became her tormentor. Daddy always tried to keep peace between us. 

All the while this was happening in our home we were very active in our church.  I was very active, another lie.  I was lying to my Savior and just did not care.  Now that I look at my life it is a wonder I did not get into drinking, sexual activity and drugs.  Why did I not?  For so many years after I was my own boss I walked away from my family and my Savior. 

My life continued to be out of control.  I married and divorced after six years with only a beautiful son to show for that time.  After experiencing some of the most painful years of my life I decided suicide was my only answer.  I couldn't figure out away to kill myself and my son survive. So I lived for my son.  I took responsibility for him and did not plan on help from anyone.   We would survive.  I brought my family back into our lives for my son's sake.  I eventually remarried and our world was wonderful. 

Well, in 1997 the Lord started talking to my heart.  I found a group of people that have helped me understand God's love for me. My Dad had been taking treatment for Prostrate Cancer, but his health really started breaking down.  I was with  my parents every day.  I became my Dad's side kick again.  Mother and I had found away to love each other.  I still had not spoken of my molestation.  It was buried in my mind still.   

In November 1998 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  I completed my surgeries and treatments in time to start really taking care of my Dad.  In May 1999 the doctor told me Dad had maybe six months to live.  I never thought of myself again.  My sisters, Mother and I took care of the man we loved.  He died in March 2000. 

Since my Dad's death I have suffered the worst depression and anxiety of my life.  The pain was so great I finally picked up a card I had been given and called a man name David.  I saw him the next day. 

I have learned I had my Dad set up in my mind as my protector.  Ever since his death I have pulled away from my Mother.  My mind and heart has opened up finally and memories and God's wondrous hands guiding my counselor I am getting better.  I am struggling with my feelings toward my Mother, because I finally told her what her brother did to me.  She has broke my heart.  I have learned that he did the same thing to her.  She never told anyone but my Dad.  My world was shattered again.  My Dad tried to help his brother-in-law and his daughter was molested.  My parents let this animal in our house knowing what he had done.   

I have not been able to forgive yet, but I continue my counseling and I shall win my battle.  I am a survivor with God's continuing mercy and grace, His name is Life.

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