Shat  terd



The hidden half of domestic violence


How to have eternal life

A Guest Book Entry by a Domestic Violence Director

NOTICE....Mayor Seybold of MARION INDIANA ...what do you have to HIDE?  

I sent this information to the mayor of Marion Indiana and got this in return:
A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its
recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed:
SMTP error from remote mailer after RCPT TO:<>:
host []: 550 <>:
Sender address rejected: Blocked

He has blocked my e-mail although I have not overwelmed him with e-mails...I have simply pointed out both sides!!!!


As the Director of the Hands of Hope domestic violence program which is a division of Family Service Society, Inc. I wanted to reply to a couple of the statements made in your web site. Yes, we do our best to serve men, women and children. Originally, before I took over as director, Hands of Hope was called Women's Services. I changed the name in 1997 to try to help society understand domestic violence is a male and female issue and there are men who are victims. As far as our materials and brochures, I appreciate the comment. The number of male victims we receive is minimal. I do know that in Wabash County, our non-residential victim's advocate has worked with more than we have had call for services in Grant County. I will in future brochures work to nclude information about males. I will say that when I do presentations I am very clear that while the majority of times the victim is female, there are men who are also victims. As far as our local shelter more than likely we would work with a male victim to find safe shelter other than at theFlannery-Keal Home, but we would not just turn our backs on that male, we would find the man safe shelter, just like we would a female victim. Frankly, the way our facility is designed I am not sure it would be conducive for a male and female victim to be in the same sleeping area. I would suggest you search and look at the web site for a group called MEN CAN STOP RAPE. They seem to be a group of men who are taking the issue of domestic violence and sexual violence and working on how to change society for the positive.


Ms Wilk
Thank you for signing our guest book.  I do appreciate your willingness to consider men who are victims of domestic abuse.  After all, that is all we are asking, that ALL abuse victims are given equal protection and equal services.
I do realize you are making an attempt at reaching men by changing the name to Hands of Hope but honestly Ms Wilk, I still contend that it is a well kept secret.  You see, I can see many references in our own area to abused women but I see no public service announcement pointing out that there are far more men who are victims then society is aware of.  In fact, unbiased sources reveal it is about equal although more women get  harmed.  It certainly is not evident by anything other then a name change.  It would still be like expecting a man to go to a women's hospital for health care.
Ms Wilk, I am sure you have seen Mayor Seybold's "Mayor's commission on domestic violence" handbook. It starts off with a myth.
 Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between ages 15 and 44 in the United States - more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined


Ms Wilk, have you contested this myth or do you allow it to go unchallenged because it services a purpose?

These were the leading causes of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States in 1996:



Per Cent

Motor Vehicle Accidents



Accidental Falls



Other and unspecified environmental and accidental causes



Accidents caused by cutting and piercing instruments or objects



Sports injuries



Injuries purposefully inflicted by other than spouse or intimate



Overexertion and strenuous movements



Drugs, medicinal and biological substances, in therapeutic use



Injuries purposefully inflicted by spouse or other intimate



Injuries caused by animals



Accidental poisoning by drugs



Misadventures during surgical and medical care



Suicide and self-inflicted injuries



Struck accidentally by falling object



Caught accidentally in or between objects



Foreign body accidentally entering orifice other than eye



Accidental poisoning by other solid and liquid substances, gases, and vapors



Non-transport machinery accidents



Venomous animals and plants



Accident caused by hot substance or object



Foreign body accidentally entering eye and adnexa






This data is taken from the 1996 National Hospital Ambulatory Medical Care Survey Data File, which can be downloaded via ftp from the National Center for Health Statistics. Domestic violence, referred to in the table as "Injury purposefully inflicted by spouse or other intimate", accounts for 2.2% of injuries to women in this age group. Rather than being a larger cause of injury than "car accidents and other things combined", domestic violence causes only one-tenth as many injuries as motor vehicle accidents alone. And as any thoughtful person might expect, as a source of injuries domestic violence is well behind such everyday occurences as accidental falls and cuts.

In reality there are far more men being abused then your one or two that seek services from Hands of Hope. 

New 2006 DOJ stats on domestic violence

This is from one of the female child advocates in Shattered Men regarding the above:.

Yes, they do cover up the stats on male victims of dv...YES YES
YES....on ALMOST EVERY DV site out there, they have stats up from 96-
98...PLUS they never put the compilation of stats up to say that
FEMALE DV had DECREASED in the past thirty years, male dv has
INCREASED, then it seems to level out...ALTHOUGH MALE VICTIM MURDERS

Child abuse in the US is mainly perpetrated by females

AND ALTHOUGH they would have you believe that male perpetrated RAPE
ABUSE CASES AGAINST CHILDREN....three percent of ALL abuse against
children is sexual abuse, AND females are also the perps in ONE
PERCENT of that three percent...fathers are LOW ON THE LIST, where
strangers are higher than fathers, AND BOYFRIENDS and stepfathers
are the highest (chosen by the mom of course)

FEMALES are not CRIMINALIZED at the rate that men are, if you
compare the ACTUAL ABUSE statistics from the department of social
and health services with the stats from the Department of Justice
you will see that MOTHERS, and other females are NOT charged but
only ten percent of the time!



Men Can Stop Rape mobilizes male youth to prevent men's violence against women. We build young men's capacity to challenge harmful aspects of traditional masculinity, to value alternative visions of male strength, and to embrace their vital role as allies with women and girls in fostering healthy relationships and gender equity.

Why Do Women Lie About Rape?

The National Organization for Women, radical feminists and Women's Studies departments often deny that women make false accusations about rape by asking the naive, simplistic and self-serving question, "Why would a woman lie?" It turns out that there are plenty of reasons women lie about rape, either deliberately or out of desperation.  

A U.S. Air Force study, The False Rape Allegation in the Military Community (1983), investigated 556 cases of alleged rape, and found a 60% rate of false rape accusations!  As part of the study, women who were found to have made false accusations were asked "Why?"

The study found that most false accusations are "instrumental" -- they serve a purpose.  If the purpose isn't avoiding guilt or getting revenge, it might serve a more focused purpose, for example telling her parents "I didn't just go out and get pregnant - I was raped"; or telling her husband "I didn't have an affair; it wasn't my fault, I was raped."

An unrelated Washington Post article, "Unfounded Rape Reports Baffle Investigators" (6/27/1992) also found a wide range of motivations to falsely accuse men of rape.  Anger towards boyfriends was common.  One woman had her boyfriend spend 13 months in jail before she acknowledged that she lied.  One woman accused her newspaper delivery man of raping her at gunpoint because she needed an excuse to be late to work. Neither woman was prosecuted or even reprimanded for lying to the police and attempting to have a man frivolously imprisoned.

All rape accusations need to be considered seriously as no doubt rape does indeed occur.  But a balance needs to be maintained between the claims of the accuser against the all-too-often legitimate denial of the accused.  (there are NO false rape accusation hotlines)

Women who are found to have made a false sexual assault complaint should receive the same jail sentence as the male victim would have received if he had been convicted. That will put the brakes on fake rape.

 YES YES YES,....there are real rape victims.  Many women in Shattered Men can verify that.  but many were also sexually abused by their mother or other women but nothing is done about that.  More important Ms Wilk I contend that if  more then a slap on the hand was given to false accusations of rape...AND domestic violence, then we can get REAL help for  the real victims both male and female.  

I contend that anyone male of female that willfully accuses another of a crime should face the same level of penalty as the accused would have.  If the accused faced a first degree felony, then the false accuser should also face a first degree felony for doing so.  If this were done across the board, we could  get real help for all victims of crime including rape and domestic violence.

I have seldom seen a conflict between two adults where both did not add to it yet in most of our shelters, we dare not even ask what their part was.  That would be blaming the victim, but it is also ENABLING the victim to be an abuser.  That my friend is exactly what the Violence Against Women Act does, it enables women to be abusive and it criminalize half the victims of domestic  

ABC's PrimeTime recently did a segment for their Basic Instinct
program in which they had hidden cameras to see what people would do
in given situations. One of these situations showed a woman abusing
a man. PrimeTime pointed out that women abuse over 800,000 men each
year. This is not surprising. Even the Department of Justice
confirms this. This would account for almost 40% of the abuse
victims, yet the VAWA does not apply to them? (I personally think
this figure is low)

Many state attorney generals have actually stated that they would not prosecute a women for domestic abuse.  Part of the reasoning for this is that VAWA does not allow it. It encourages an arrest anytime police are called but often they will arrest the man even if he is the only victim.   We can see that in our own areas whereby two of our fire fighters were arrested for assaulting women when they were PROTECTING themselves.

There are many resources from unbiased sources...sources that do not get paid for what they find.  If we use only the biased sources, it would be like asking Ronald McDonald what the best hamburger is.

There are some resources you can check:


RADAR Special Reports

Effects of VAWA

                               Threat to Families

                               VAWA Discriminates Against Male Victims

                               Abuse of Domestic Restraining Orders

                               Justice Denied: Arrest Policies for DV

                               Bias in the Judiciary

                               A Culture of False Allegations

                               Has VAWA Delivered on its Promises to Women?


To conclude, Unless we look at BOTH sides, the problem will not be resolved, it will only get worse 

Pastor Kenneth Deemer
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
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JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

Motivations Given by the Women Who Acknowledged They Had Made False Accusations of Rape

                   Reason                                                Percent
Spite or Revenge 20
To compensate for feelings of guilt or shame 20
Thought she might be pregnant 13
To conceal an affair 12
To test husband's love 9
Mental/emotional disorder 9
To avoid personal responsibility 4
Failure to pay, or extortion 4
Thought she might have caught VD 3
Other 6
      Total                                                                    100

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