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The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life

 


FATHER'S DAY 2011

Most of us are not aware that the first father's day in the U.S. was to honor the death of 210 fathers. The first observance of Father's Day actually took place in Fairmont, West Virginia on July 5, 1908. It was organized by Mrs. Grace Golden Clayton, who wanted to celebrate the lives of the 210 fathers who had been lost in the Monongah Mining disaster several months earlier in Monongah, West Virginia, on December 6, 1907. (1)

Although President Woodrow Wilson made Mother's Day an official national holiday in 1914, it was not until 1966 that, President Lyndon B. Johnson made Father's Day a holiday to be celebrated on the third Sunday of June. The holiday was not officially recognized until 1972, during the presidency of Richard Nixon

More phone calls are made in the United States during Mother's Day than during Father's Day, but the percentage of collect calls on Father's Day is much higher, making it the busiest day of the year for collect calls

Father's Day is accompanied by a smaller total number of phone calls, greeting cards and gifts than Mother's Day. It is speculated that this is due to the greater number of households with a mother than households with a father (due to single mothers), to the greater role of mothers in unpaid household labor, and to different personal or societal expectations (3)

I do beg to differ on this last statement. Yes mothers do a lot of labor around the house. Cooking, cleaning, laundry and other things but this statement negates the work dads do. (4)

Salary.com values a stay at home dad's work at $60,128 a year. Working fathers would be paid $33,858 a year. This compares to stay-at-home moms salary of $115,432 a year. Working mothers would make $63,472 a year however, James Rohl, a stay-at-home father of two and popular dad blogger in Oregon, said there is a likely explanation for the discrepancy.

"I believe, on average, stay-at-home dads see working moms as a valued partner and so dads only count the hours they are alone with their kids," Rohl said. "But on average, stay-at-home moms count all the time they're with the kids no matter who's there. Even if their husbands are home, the idea is moms are still working and on the job. I don't think that accurately reflects what's really happening." (5)

In researching this, I have found several "slaps in the face" to fathers such as this one: "
Report: Dad’s Work Around The House Not As Valuable As Mom’s" I did post a reply on their forum


As the director of Shattered Men, a ministry for abused men (which also helps abused women on an equal basis) and as a pastor, I want to point out that GOD never intended there to be a “battle of the sees” I note that in the poll, 40% say moms work is more important because her work around the house is most important. Well, in many families, there would not be a house to work around if dad did not go to work to provide for one. This means he will miss so many of the mile stones in his kids lives

More to the point masking why work is more important is like asking whose job is more important, a fireman or a police officer. Well, if your house was on fire, you would say a fireman. If you were being robbed, you would say a police officer. The fact is we need them BOTH.

Today as never before, fathers are under attack. Our society glorifies single moms and by this, I mean women who plan on being single moms by choice. This is despite the harm single fatherless families are doing to our kids.

63% of youth suicides.
71% of pregnant teenagers.0% of all homeless and runaway children.
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders.
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger.
71% of all high school dropouts.
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers.
85% of all youths sitting in prisons

I would say fathers are VERY important.

Oh, for those who say fathers abandon their children, although a few do, most of the fathers who have not been able to see their children today have had ACCESS DENIED.

There is so much to say but I will leave this with one least comment. BOTH mothers and fathers are needed! God created us to work together, not to compete with each other and if society treated fathers with the respect they deserve, we would see fathers valued as much as mothers. It would help if the media, TV and Madison Avenue stopped showing fathers as some sort of idiot that needed to be rescued by mom or even their daughters as we seldom see them needing to be rescued by their sons, after all, they are male too aren’t they?

Oh yea, that pay gap myth that women get 78 cents for every dollar a man makes has been trashed by many including the Independent WOMEN’S Forum

The Late Minister Ron Smith of Children Need Both Parents wrote a response to a Time magazine father bashing article which although it will length this message, I will repost it here as it is message number 1418 in Shattered Men and many reading this would not have access to but unless you join...but that is perfectly OK too. (6)

As Vice Chairman of the National African American Coalition for Shared Parenting
(NAACSP) located in Washington DC, we find it appalling that Time magazine would
be so calloused and indifferent as to allow an article so denigrating,
discriminatory, biased and factually incorrect too be printed in reference to
fathers, in of all issues, its Father’s Day edition.

We are constrained to ask: Has Time Magazine lost all sense of balance and fair
play in its attempt to capture a market share of the American reading audience?
Is Time so desperate to placate a radical fringe in America that it turns a
blind eye to what is really going on and what is really at stake? Time magazine
should be ashamed of itself.

The article, written by two women, has all the makings of radical feminism at
its worst. The article is frivolous and superficial and fails to cite accurate,
if any sources. Moreover, there is no mention whatsoever of Dr. Sanford Braver
who received the largest federally funded grant in America to study divorce. Dr.
Braver began his study of fathers and divorce anticipating that generalizations,
like the ones made in this article were true. However, he found that each was a
“myth”. His publication “Divorced Dads, Shattering the Myths” is the most
comprehensive, definitive and objective study ever done on the subject in
America. His protocol and methodology are beyond reproach.

The reality in America is that since the introduction of no fault divorce and
the assault of radical feminism on the family; the family court system has
systematically violated the Fundamental and Constitutional rights of fathers and
children by stripping fathers of their ability and right to parent their
children. The states act with impunity. This process also empowers mothers and
burdens them at the same time. Dr. Braver pointed out that the issue underlying
such biased public policy appears to be more about money that anything else.
Maintaining an adversarial ‘winner take all’ protocol and awarding custody in
most cases to the mother is more about the dollars generated through Title IV-D,
than what is best for a family. Bottom line, federal incentives give the states
a huge financial stake in the big business of divorce. It is profitable for the
states to collect and distribute child support as opposed to having a base line
of ‘shared parenting’ which would allow fathers adequate parental time with
their children and give children a balanced view of life. The destruction of
‘paternal’ relationships by the state family courts is a major source of revenue
to the states and that is the bottom line.

Moreover, fathers are not walking away from their children; they are
systematically removed for the sake of generating dollars. The radical fringe
(often times under the guise of intellectuals) that cites fathers as ‘absentee’
spends a significant amount of time in committee meetings nationwide denouncing
shared parenting legislation as well as other pro-family proactive legislation.
Their message is “we don’t want you (fathers) involved.” While lobbying against
the involvement of fathers, other than for the payment of child support this
radical fringe attempts to downplay fathers and attacks Father’s Day as an
unnecessary day of celebration in our society. Such a pathetic and disingenuous
agenda cannot be condoned. Respectfully, men and fathers forged this nation. Men
and fathers have shed their blood and paid the ultimate sacrifice whenever it
was necessary to preserve this nation. Without men and fathers there would be no
America!

It is crystal clear that the radical fringe would like nothing more than to have
fathers considered as completely worthless unless of course they are sending in
a check. To the radical fringe fatherhood is to nothing more than a financial
obligation and for Time Magazine to play into such a perverted myopic radical
agenda reveals how immature and naïve Time is.

We are demanding a retraction of this article and a public apology to the
fathers of America. To print and give credibility to this type of biased
propaganda that perpetuates confusion, misinformation and hatred between the
genders is destructive to our nation’s children is not in our nations best
interests.



Minister Ronald E. Smith, CEO
Children Need Both Parents, Inc.
www.cnbpinc.org


Although this father bashing weighs heavily on my mind and heart, there are two things that are far more of a burden for me and for anyone who cares about fathers.   The first is the damage done by fatherless homes as I have mentioned above  knowing that many of our fathers were not able to see their children because of access denied.  Much of this denied access is due to false accusations of abuse. False accusations of abuse cost the tax payer 20 BILLION DOLLARS per year. (8)

Children are often harmed by false claims. Attorney Lisa Scott of Bellevue, Wash. notes, “The ones hurt most of all are the children kept away from a loving parent.”

The report highlights the recent case of Emily Hindle whose mother falsely accused the father of domestic violence in order to abduct the child. The mother later discontinued the child’s medical treatment, causing the child to lose her sight in one eye.

“False allegations of abuse are currently the greatest violation of due process in our legal system,” reveals family attorney Gregory Hession of Springfield, Mass. “In my practice, I’ve found the majority of the allegations used to obtain restraining orders are false or greatly exaggerated.”

False allegations often arise from programs funded by the Violence Against Women Act. RADAR recently launched a Fix VAWA Now! campaign to increase awareness of the need to reform ineffective and harmful domestic violence laws. (8)

 

Most often, the loving parent whom the children are kept away from is the father.  This is due to restraining orders which can be obtained without any evidence of violence or even the threat of violence.   False accusations also may result in arrest of innocent persons, mostly men as the VAWA encourages the arrest of men when police are called to a domestic disturbance.  Domestic violence victims who live in a state that mandates arrest for domestic violence face an unintended, yet deadly side effect of such policies. Each year, over 600 persons die as a result of mandatory arrest laws, according to a report released today: (9)  Often these "victims" were never physically abused.  When in a heated argument, some may think the ace in the hole is calling 911 thinking their spouse (mostly husbands) will just get a good talking to by the police but because of the must arrest policies, they are arrested.  As a result, many also lose most if not all of the rights we take for granted all without due process of law since these cases are tried in civil court where all they need is a reasonable believe the violence occurred.  Usually this only means her word that it did.  Often men are not even able to tell their side of the story.  Convictions are often "back door" convictions when they are told charges would be dropped if they attend an abusers class.  Part of this class is to admit they are an abuser. Often the "abuser" will lose their jobs leading to the lose of their homes and their children. This will lead some to drastic actions. 

Just a false accusation can lead to loss of life.  Many murder/suicides are due to this.  (10)  Often accusations of abuse will just lead to suicide.  It is reported that divorce alone will double the male suicide rate.  Gender feminist claim this is due to the weakness of males and that  they cannot cope with the loss of not having a woman to control and to abuse   Research however has shown that most of this increase rate of suicide for divorced men is due to the loss of their children, not the loss of their spouse. (13) (14)  David A. Roberts, Former President, ACFC  states that the world-wide death toll could easily be 50,000 to 100,000 divorce related male suicides a year, plus hundreds or thousands of mothers yet the VAWA  and almost every organization dealing with domestic violence encourages divorce as the first step to end abuse, real or alleged. This is one reason women shelters do not allow women to contact their "abuser"....they just might work things out.  Even the Christian ministries that deal with this issue have fallen for this "remedy"    

One very recent example of this loss of a human life is Thomas James Ball who self-immolated in front of the courthouse that was integral in destroying his life  Child protective services also played a huge role in his death and I am sure all involved will have to answer to the SUPREME Judge when the time comes, unless they repent.(15)  James fought the system for over ten years which started from false accusations he abused his then 4 year old daughter.  He lost all contact with her even though he was found innocent in court,  CPS would not allow visits. SAVE  has created a poster to help get the word out on this which you can find here: http://www.saveservices.org/downloads/Self-Immolation-Case-Lays-Bare-Inhumane-Abuse-System

What can you do?  If you know a man who is going through a divorce, give him support. All too often,  men who are facing a divorce are abandoned by the couples friends, and often even his own family will side with his spouse. Another thing you can do is to join groups such as Shattered Men (16) and you can become A Formidable Enemy to those who are responsible for these problems.(17)

To conclude, I want to remind each of us that there is another Father who wants a close relationship with us but we have rebelled against him.  Yes I am talking about our heavenly Father and I know many of you may blame Him for not answering prayer of for allowing this to  happen.  It is NOT God's fault. One of the greatest gifts He has given us if free will and many use this free will to do things He does not want us  to do. I have to admit, I still use this free will to do wrong things at times too.  The most important thing is that once we do have a relationship with God, HE will help us through these things.  No, I am not saying all our problems will vanish. In fact, sometimes we may even have more but I will assure you we will find a new strength, a new resolve and new power and resources we never had before.  All it takes is to take the FIRST step toward better relationships and I can assure you that out of the many in Shattered Men who have taken this first step, NONE have regretted it.  

You can find that step  here:

http://www.shatterdmen.com/first_step.htm

(1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father's_Day
(2) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day
(3) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father's_Day
(4) http://www.shatterdmen.com/Value%20of%20Mens%20Work.htm
(5) http://www.salary.com/Articles/ArticleDetail.asp?part=par4231
(6) http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Shatteredmen/message/1418
(7) http://wcbsfm.radio.com/2011/06/17/report-dads-work-around-the-house-not-as-valuable-as-moms/
(8)
http://www.scribd.com/doc/23724190/Radar-Report-False-DV-Allegations-Cost-20-Billion

(9) http://www.saveservices.org/downloads/Justice-Denied-DV-Arrest-Policies

(10) http://www.shatterdmen.com/MurderSuicides.htm

(11) http://www.shatterdmen.com/Divorce%20Releated%20Suicide.htm

(12) http://www.shatterdmen.com/Divorce%20Doubles%20Male%20Suicide.htm

(13) http://www.shatterdmen.com/Irresponsible%20fathers.htm

(14) http://www.shatterdmen.com/fathers%20who%20needs%20them%20printer.htm

(15) http://freekeene.com/2011/06/16/thomas-james-ball-self-immolated-in-protest-of-the-justice-system/

(16) http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Shatteredmen/

(17) http://www.shatterdmen.com/Enemy.htm

 

Pastor Kenneth Deemer
 
Director Shattered Men
P.O. BOX 166
MARION INDIANA 46952-0166
 
shatteredmen@earthlink.net
 
JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month
 
Web site:
http://www.shatterdmen.com
Interactive Group:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/shattterdmen/

 


 

 

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