Shat  terd

Men 

 

The hidden half of domestic violence

 

How to have eternal life


Baptism By Fire's Story

 

Baptism is one more friend I have found through Shattered Men.  Baptism has given her permission to repost her testimony here.  The original is found as a link by clicking on the title above.  Baptism  has a prayer ministry.   Please check her website and her prayer group below:


Click to subscribe to powerprayerhouse2

 

 

I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN SAPULPA, OKLAHOMA TO A YOUNG SET OF PARENTS. THEY LIVED THEIR LIFE TO THE FULLEST. THEY REALLY DID LOVE ME, BUT THEY FOUGHT A LOT.

I WAS SENT TO THE BAPTIST CHURCH BY MY PARENTS AS THEY REFUSED TO GO CALLING CHRISTIANS HYPOCRITES, BUT THEY MADE SURE I NEVER MISSED A SUNDAY. BOTH SETS OF MY GRANDPARENTS ATTENDED THIS CHURCH. I GUESS I WAS MY PARENTS' SACRIFICIAL CHILD SENT IN MY PARENTS' PLACE TO KEEP MY GRANDPARENTS FROM NAGGING THEM. THEY DID GO EASTER AND CHRISTMAS.

I CERTAINLY BELIEVED JESUS DIED FOR MY SINS AND THAT HE IS THE SON OF GOD. I REMEMBER HEARING THE PREACHER SAYING I WAS GOING TO BURN IN HELL AND I WOULD GO FORWARD TO REPENT AND GET SAVED. BUT I NEVER FELT CLEAN. I HAD BEGUN DRINKING AND WAS BEING MOLESTED BY MY STEP-GRANDMA'S NEPHEW AT AN EARLY AGE. I WOULD THINK I WOULD EITHER GROW UP TO BE A PROSTITUTE OR A NUN AND I KNEW I WASN'T A CATHOLIC OR A VIRGIN. SO WHERE DID THAT LEAVE ME?

I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE SENT TO FALLS CREEK BAPTIST CAMP A FEW SUMMERS DURING MY YOUTH. ONE HOT SUMMER NIGHT IN THE OUTDOOR TENT, I REMEMBER THEM SAYING WE COULD BE CALLED TO MISSIONARY WORK. I FELT GOD CALLING ME TO THIS, BUT I WAS SCARED BEING SO YOUNG. I CRIED SAYING YES I WOULD GO, BUT WOULD MY PARENTS LET ME GO. ANOTHER SUMMER WHEN I WAS OLDER, I HAD MR. TEEGARDEN TO BAPTIZE ME IN TURNER FALLS CREEK IN DAVIS, OKLAHOMA. HIS WIFE AND HIM PLANTED A SEED THAT WOULDN'T TAKE ROOT UNTIL YEARS LATER.
 


THE OLDER I GOT THE MORE DEEPER INTO SIN I WENT INTO. WE MOVED OUT IN THE COUNTRY WHEN I WAS 11 1/2 YEARS OLD. I HAD A WHOLE NEW SET OF FRIENDS. OK SO THEY WASN'T REALLY MY FRIENDS, THE NEIGHBORHOOD TEENS. I WAS THE BUTT OF THEIR JOKES AND THEY TREATED ME LIKE DIRT. BUT ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE ACCEPTED AND LOVED SO MUCH I LET THEM DO THIS.

YOU KNOW HORMONES ARE A TERRIBLE THING.



WELL MINE WAS NO DIFFERENT. I WAS BEING BULLIED AND CALLED NAMES. THE SEXUAL MOLESTATION CONTINUED ON UP UNTIL I WAS 16 YEARS OLD WHEN I FINALLY COULD TELL HIM NO! I HAD BEEN AN ONLY CHILD UNTIL I WAS 13 1/2 YRS OLD. I REALLY LOVED MY SISTER, BUT SHE SURE CRIED A LOT. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT ALL.

WE HAD MOVED OUT TO THE COUNTRY AND SO IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO GO TO CHURCH. I WAS INVITED TO AN OUTREACH THERE IN SAPULPA CALLED LIVEWIRE. THIS WAS MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE HOLY GHOST TYPE OF PEOPLE. THEY WERE DETERMINED I WAS GOING TO BE SLAIN IN THE SPIRIT AND TALK IN TONGUES. BOTH WHICH WAS BIZARRE TO ME. I WAS TAUGHT AT THE BAPTIST CHURCH THAT ALL OF THIS WAS OF THE devil.

I WAS SO LONELY AND IN SEARCH OF LOVE. THE GUYS I KNEW WHERE NOT INTERESTED IN ME FOR ANYTHING, BUT SEX. I WAS TRYING TO FILL A VOID THAT ONLY GOD COULD FILL. MY BEST FRIEND AT THAT TIME WAS LIKE A SISTER TO ME. I WILL CALL HER ANN IN THIS TESTIMONY.
 


BY MY JUNIOR YEAR, I MET A GUY THAT I THOUGHT WAS COOL. WE DATED THROUGH MY SENIOR YEAR AND HE NEVER TRIED TO FORCE HIMSELF ON ME. I WAS VERY NAIVE FOR BEING OUT THERE IN THE WORLD. I FOUND OUT AFTER GRADUATION THAT HE WASN'T MY BOYFRIEND, BUT A SMOKE SCREEN. HE WAS 100% GAY. IT CAME AS A BIG SHOCK TO ME AND HAD ME MORE CONFUSED THAN EVER. I ALREADY HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND WOULD CUT THE BOTTOM OF MY FEET. I GOT HEAVIER INTO DRINKING AND HEAVY ROCK MUSIC. MY BEST FRIEND WAS GETTING MARRIED AND MOVING OVER 200 MILES AWAY AND I WAS COMING TO A CROSSROADS AS I GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL. THAT SUMMER WAS THE LONELIEST EVEN THOUGH I HAD A JOB SITTING FOR A RICH LADY AND WAS ABOUT TO START COLLEGE. I WANTED TO GET OUT OF ALL THIS PAIN I WAS FEELING SO BAD.

AS I MOVED AWAY FROM HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME, I LOOKED AT THIS BEING A NEW BEGINNING. I WAS HUNGRY FOR KNOWLEDGE OR WAS IT PARTY LIFE. HERE I WAS 18 YRS OLD AND LEGAL AGE OF DRINKING IN THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA IS 21. I COULD GO INTO A LIQUOR STORE AND NOT EVEN GET I.D'd. BACK THEN THAT WAS COOL TO LOOK OLDER THAN I WAS. BUT LIKE I SAID I WANTED TO DISCOVER WHO I WAS.

I LIVED IN THE DORMS AND MET A LOT OF CHRISTIANS. CHRISTIANS WHO WERE DIFFERENT DENOMINATIONS THAN I WAS. I WOULD GO FROM GROUP TO GROUP SEEING WHERE I FIT IN. I WENT TO ANYTHING WITH FREE FOOD OR BEER. (YES YOU HEARD ME RIGHT....THOSE EPISCOPALIANS KNEW HOW TO HAVE A PARTY.) MY ENLIGHTENMENT CAME WITH RITUALISTIC SERVICES. I KNEW WHEN TO STAND, SIT, BOW, KNEEL, CROSS MYSELF, WHAT OUR SERMON WAS GOING TO BE ON ANY GIVEN SUNDAY NO MATTER WHAT CHURCH I WALKED INTO. I THOUGHT YES THIS IS FOR ME...I DON'T HAVE TO THINK AS IT IS ALREADY PLANNED OUT.

BY MAY 1982, I HAD WENT HOME AND THOUGHT I WOULD CRASH MY EX-BOYFRIEND'S GRADUATION PARTY. HIS NAME WAS "TOMMY" AND AS NAIVE AS I WAS....DIDN'T REALIZE ALL THE GUYS THERE AT THE PARTY WAS EITHER GAY OR BI-SEXUAL. I WAS TRYING TO DECIDE WHICH ONE I LIKED. THEY INVITED ME TO GO OUT TO THE BARS. SO HERE I WAS IN A CAR WITH "TOMMY", "RUSTY", "JUNIOR", "ANTONIO" AND "ROB" HEADING OUT TO THE UNKNOWN. I TELL YOU EVEN WHEN I WALKED INTO THE CLUB I WAS SLOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF BAR I WAS IN. IT WAS A LEATHER BIKER BAR. THE STEREO TYPE ONE YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU THINK OF GAY BARS. I BEGAN TO FREAK OUT, BUT THAT IS WHEN MY LIFE CHANGED AND NOT FOR THE GOOD. ROB DECIDED HE WAS GOING TO BE MY PROTECTOR. I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE HOW SICK SICK HIS WORLD WAS AND HOW DEEP IN IT I WOULD GO IN THE NAME OF LOVE.

ROB WANTED TO HAVE ORGIES, DO VERY DISGUSTING THINGS. HE DID DRUGS, POT AND MORE SERIOUS STUFF. I SLOWLY BEGAN TO ALSO TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS. I BEGAN SNIFFING WHAT IS CALLED RUSH. IT WAS POPULAR IN THE CLUBS. WHEN I SAY THE CLUBS I MEAN GAY BARS. I WAS INTRODUCED TO DRAG QUEENS AND EVEN AT ONE TIME HELP DESIGN CLOTHES FOR A TINA TURNER LOOK ALIKE. TALK ABOUT SPIRIT OF DECEPTION. HE MAKE ANY WOMAN JEALOUS OF THE CLOTHES HE OWNED. OK SO I REALLY AM NOT JEALOUS, BUT A REAL WOMAN DON'T DRESS THAT WAY.

ONE DAY, I WENT TO THIS FRIEND'S HOUSE TO PARTY. SHE HAD BEEN MY ROOMMATE THE 2ND SEMESTER IN COLLEGE AT N.S.U. BEFORE FLUNKING OUT. TOO MUCH PARTYING AND BEING INTO ROB. HER BOYFRIEND WAS THERE. AND HE WAS ACTING STRANGE AND ALL. EVERYTHING WE WAS DOING MADE ME PASS OUT IN A BED. LATER I FELT HIM ON ME. I WASN'T ABLE TO FIGHT HIM OFF. HE RAPED ME. I TOLD ROB WHO ONLY THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY.

ONE OF MY FRIEND'S FROM COLLEGE HAD A TEACHING JOB IN NORTH MISSOURI AND ASKED IF I WOULD BE HER ROOMMATE THERE. I THOUGHT THAT THE DISTANCE WOULD HELP ME GET ON MY FEET AGAIN. SO WE BROKE UP AND I RAN AWAY TO LIVE IN MISSOURI. MY DRINKING GOT WORSE. I WOULD WAKE UP AND WONDER HOW I GOT THERE AND WERE WAS MY CLOTHES. I WASN'T EVEN 21 UNTIL 1984. THAT IS ABOUT THE TIME I CALLED AND BEGGED FOR HIM TO COME AND VISIT AND FELT LIKE MAYBE HE COULD CHANGE AND I WANTED SO BAD TO BE LOVED.

I MOVED BACK AND STARTED COLLEGE AGAIN IN TAHLEQUAH, LIVING ON CAMPUS. THE FIRST DAY THERE I MET THIS GUY WHO OFFERED TO ASSIST ME MOVE MY JUNK INTO THE CO-ED DORMS. I KEPT THINKING I KNEW THIS GUY. THEN ONE NIGHT LATE GOING TO THE BATH-ROOM, HE CORNERS ME AND IT IS JOHN, THE GUY WHO HAD RAPED ME AT MY FRIEND'S APARTMENT. HE TOLD ME HE KNEW IT WAS ME AND THAT HE WASN'T SORRY FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME. THAT HE WOULD DO IT AGAIN. I WAS SO SCARED. HE TORMENTED ME UP UNTIL HE GRADUATED IN DEC. I HAD NO PROOF.

AFTER 1985 SPRING, I WAS GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY TO GO TO COLLEGE IN TULSA IN A SPECIAL PROGRAM TO BECOME A PHYSICAL THERAPIST ASSISTANT. I REALLY LOVED THIS AND WAS GOOD AT IT. I WAS SEEING SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF MY TUNNEL AT LEAST I THOUGHT. SOME HOW I MANAGED TO GET A COLLEGE DEGREE, GRADUATING IN 1987.

MY LAST SEMESTER I ALMOST WENT TO JAIL OVER ROB. HE WAS FORGING HIS GRANDMA'S NAME ON CHECKS AND HAVING IT MADE TO ME FOR ME TO CASH. I WAS SO STUPID FOR DOING THIS. HE AND I MADE A SUICIDE PACT TO OVERDOSE ON DRUGS TOGETHER, BUT WE BOTH WOKE UP THE NEXT DAY. I THINK IT SHOOK HIS GRIP ON ME LONG ENOUGH TO ESCAPE AGAIN.

WELL ONCE AGAIN I AM HEADING OFF TO START MY LIFE OVER. I HAD A NICE JOB AT THIS HOSPITAL IN CHARLESTON, WEST VIRGINIA AND DIDN'T KNOW A SOUL IN TOWN. I GOT AN APARTMENT AND A CAR WITHIN THE FIRST 24 HOURS I HIT TOWN.

THE FIRST FRIEND I MADE WAS WHEN I WENT TO A FESTIVAL IN CHARLESTON STERN WHEEL REGATTA. IT HAD FREE MUSIC AND SO I WANDERED AROUND AND MET THIS GIRL NAMED ROSE. I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE RAN FROM HER, BUT IT ISN'T HER FAULT. I JUST SEEMED TO BE DESTINED FOR AGONY.

AT WORK, I MET A STUDENT NURSE, NAMED JANIE, AND WE BECAME INSTANT FRIENDS. SHE HAD THE CUTEST LITTLE GIRL NAMED ANGEL. AND I JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH HER. WELL JANIE AND I WOULD GO OUT TO THE BARS, BUT I THINK MY MATERNAL CLOCK WAS TICKING. I HAD WANTED A BABY SO BAD OVER THE YEARS AND WAS TOLD I NEVER COULD.

ROSE HAD ME GO HOME ONE NIGHT WITH HER CAUSE SHE LIVED ABOUT 40 MINUTES FROM TOWN. WE WAS GOING TO GO OUT. WELL I NOTICED THIS MAN ACROSS THE STREET. I THOUGHT HE LOOKED NICE, BUT KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT UNTIL WE LEFT. IT SEEMED ROSE WAS DETERMINED TO FIX ME UP AND I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT.
 

BABE WAS HIS NAME AND ROSE AND HIM WORKED IT OUT FOR "US" TO HAVE A "DATE" HE SEEMED FUNNY AND FRIENDLY. HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIS CHILDREN FROM HIS FIRST MARRIAGE AND HOW HE IS BUILDING A PARK OUT IN THIS HALLOW WHERE THEY LIVE FOR THE NEIGHBOR KIDS. HE SOUNDED WONDERFUL.


WARNING...... SIGNAL.... RUN..... BUT I WASN'T RUNNING. IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS LITTLE SUBTLE THINGS WITH HIM. HE WOULD BORROW MY CAR AND DISAPPEAR FOR HOURS LEAVING ME IN THIS HOUSE WITH NO RUNNING WATER OR ELECTRIC. I COULDN'T GO ANYWHERE AND IF I HAD TO GO POTTY WELL IT WAS ALA NATURAL. THIS WOULD CONTINUE ON. AND I FOUND HE HID DRUGS IN MY APARTMENT. I WAS FURIOUS AS I THOUGHT HE WAS CLEAN AND GOOD MAN, BUT HE WAS DEALING TO THOSE KIDS. MY MONEY WOULD GET SPENT ON HIM AND I HAD TO MOVE OUT AS I COULD BARELY MAKE CAR PAYMENTS. SO I MOVED IN WITH JANIE, BUT SPENT MOST OF MY WEEKENDS AT HIS PLACE. HE HAD RIGGED THE HOUSE TO STEAL ELECTRICITY. BUT I COULD ONLY USE IT LATE AT NIGHT OR ON THE WEEK-ENDS. I HAD STORED ALMOST ALL OF MY BELONGS THERE. WAS I STUPID OR WHAT?

MY FRIEND JANIE, FOUND HERSELF PREGNANT. I WAS STAYING IN WHEN SHE WENT OUT DURING THE WEEK TO BABY-SIT. SHE HAD DECIDED TO HAVE AN ABORTION. I BEGGED AND PLEADED WITH HER TO NOT DO THIS. I TOLD HER I WOULD RAISE THE BABY. BUT NOTHING SEEMED TO WORK. I TOLD HER I WOULD WATCH ANGEL, BUT SHE WOULD HAVE TO FEND FOR HERSELF IF SHE DID THIS. I WAS IN THE PARKING LOT WAITING FOR HER TO GET OUT. I TOLD HER IF SHE WAS LATE OR DIDN'T COME OUT I WOULD LEAVE. WELL SHE WAS LATE AND I THOUGHT "OH NO, SHE IS SITTING IN THERE AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS" BUT AS I PEEKED INTO AN EMPTY ROOM I HEARD THE SCREAM OF A MILLION BABIES THAT WAS IN PAIN.

I RAN BACK TO THE CAR AND WAS BACKING OUT WHEN SHE CAME STUMBLING OUT. I WAS CRYING AND IT TORTURED ME KNOWING THAT SHE HAD MURDERED HER BABY. LATER I SAID...."GOD THIS ISN'T FAIR. WHY IS IT THAT THOSE WHO CAN HAVE BABIES, THROW THEM AWAY AND THOSE WHO WANT BABIES CAN'T HAVE THEM?"


YOU KNOW THEY SAY BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR OR AT LEAST BE SPECIFIC IN YOUR PRAYERS.
 


WELL IT WASN'T TOO LONG AFTER THIS I FOUND MYSELF PREGNANT WITH BABE'S CHILD. HE BECAME MORE VIOLENT TOWARDS ME AND I WAS TRULY SCARED OF WHAT HE WAS CAPABLE OF. AFTER ALL HE WAS VERY MUSCULAR AND COULD OVERPOWER ME ANYTIME HE WANTED TO AND I HAD A RIGHT TO FEAR HIM.

ONE NIGHT HE CAME IN VERY DRUNK AND HE THREW ME DOWN STOMACH FIRST AND RAPED ME. HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE THE BABY. HE PASSED OUT ON TOP OF ME AND I CRAWLED INTO THE OTHER ROOM CRYING. I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST DIDN'T LEAVE. BUT HE BECAME VERY PASSIVE AFTER THAT. HE EVEN WAS TREATING ME NICE AND STARTED DOING THINGS FOR ME. BUT IT WAS OVER. I WAS PLOTTING MY ESCAPE FROM THERE AND I WASN'T GOING TO GO WITHOUT MY THINGS.

WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY HAPPENED, HE HAD WENT OUT OF STATE, I BACKED UP A U-HAUL, LOADING MY STUFF AND HEADED BACK TO OKLAHOMA. I HAD A MAJOR CAR WRECK SLAMMING INTO THE CENTER MEDIUM NEAR ST. LOUIS, MO. I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT DAY TO GET THE CAR FIXED TO GET HOME. IN THE HOTEL ROOM, I WAS FEELING VERY SCARED AND HAD THE TELEVISION ON. I REMEMBER WAKING UP TO GERALDO RIVERA'S PROGRAM ABOUT "SATANIC" EXPOSED. I WAS FREAKING OUT AND GOT MY ROSARY OUT TO SLEEP WITH. WHEN I WOKE THE NEXT DAY I FOUND IT TORN APART WITH PIECES IN THE BATHROOM WHERE I HAD SHUT THE DOOR BEFORE GOING TO BED. I HAD ONLY THE CRUCIFIX PORTION LEFT IN MY HAND. NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS READY TO GET OUT OF THERE.
 


I GOT HOME, FOUND A JOB WITHIN THE MATTER OF DAYS THANKS TO MY MOTHER. I WAS WORKING AND DID SO UP UNTIL MY DUE DATE OF DEC. 19TH. I HAD ALLOWED ROB BACK INTO MY LIFE TO A DEGREE. AS I WENT TO HOSPITAL THE FIRST TIME, THEY INDUCED LABOR FOR 3 DAYS WITH NO PAIN KILLERS. AS IT WAS CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS, THEY DECIDED TO SEND ME HOME. I DID NOT RETURN TO HOSPITAL UNTIL JAN 3, 1989. I WAS INDUCED ANOTHER 3 DAYS BEFORE MY BABY WAS BORN. I HAD A PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL, BUT I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING AT FIRST. THEY HAD TO RUSH HER TO A DIFFERENT HOSPITAL TO NICU. I WAS UP WALKING AROUND AND JUST IN A DAZE. THEY RELEASED ME THE NEXT DAY AND I WENT STRAIGHT TO HER. AFTER MUCH THOUGHT WE CAME UP WITH A BEAUTIFUL NAME. (AS THIS IS VERY PUBLIC AND SHE IS STILL YOUNG I WILL NOT CALL HER BY HER REAL NAME, BUT BY TWEETY) SHE WAS IN THAT NICU FOR 8 DAYS. I REMEMBER THE NURSE HANDING ME THESE 4 OZ JARS AND TEACHING ME HOW TO PUMP MY BREASTS FOR MILK. I CALLED CRYING BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET MUCH OUT. THEY LAUGHED AT ME AS MY MILK HADN'T CAME IN.


TWEETY HAD THE COLIC REALLY BAD. I REMEMBER ROCKING HER AND WISHING THERE WAS A WAY TO MAKE HER SHUT UP. I WAS NOT GETTING ANY HELP FROM MY PARENTS AND I WAS LIVING WITH THEM. AND I DEFINITELY WASN'T GETTING ANY SLEEP. I WAS BACK TO WORK BEFORE I WAS SUPPOSE TO. I WAS HAVING CRAZY THOUGHTS ABOUT HARMING MY BABY. I HAD ALL THE CLASSIC SIGNS OF POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS AND NO ONE RECOGNIZED IT IN ME. I WAS PRAYING FOR GOD TO TAKE THE THOUGHTS AWAY. I WAS EVEN REBUKING THE devil.

STILL I WASN'T SAVED ALTHOUGH I HAD STARTED GOING TO CHURCH WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH TWEETY. MY FRIEND MELISSA WENT THERE AND WE WAS PREGNANT AT THE SAME TIME. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR TWEETY TO BE RAISED IN CHURCH. I WANTED SO BAD TO KNOW GOD AND ALTHOUGH THIS CHURCH WASN'T EPISCOPALIAN OR BAPTIST, I WAS HEARING SOME OF GOD'S WORDS. TWEETY LOVED THE MUSIC AND IT CALMED HER DOWN WHEN SHE HAD COLIC. MATTER OF FACT HER FIRST WORD WAS NOT MOMMY OR DADDY, BUT JESUS. MY GRANDMA SUE WAS LIVING WITH MY PARENTS. THIS IS MY MOM'S REAL MOTHER. TWEETY WOULD GET ON TOP OF THIS LITTLE BOX AND DANCE AND JABBER AND POINT HER LITTLE FINGER AT MY GRANDMA AND SHOUT JESUS.

STILL I WASN'T SAVED. I HAD MOVED OVER TO TULSA AND ROB WAS IN DRUG REHAB. THINKING THIS WOULD MEAN WE WOULD FINALLY GET MARRIED WHEN HE GOT OUT. I WAS ALLOWED TO BE BULLIED BY THE DRUG CENTER TO ATTEND AN AMBUSH SESSION. HE TOLD ME IN IT THAT HE NEVER LOVED ME AND HE WAS GAY. I WAS THINKING HEY BUD YOU CHASED ME AND ASKED ME TO MARRY YOU NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. LOL! OK SO I WAS GLUTTON FOR PAIN. I HAD STARTED GOING TO AL NON AND LEARNING THE TWELVE STEPS.

ONE IS TO FORGIVE ALL THOSE WHO DID YOU WRONG. SO I WROTE DOWN EVERY SINGLE PERSON AND I PRAYED FOR EACH ONE OF THEM. AS I DID I FORGAVE THEM AND RIPPED UP THEIR NAME. IT FELT SO GOOD. I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND HOW I NEEDED A HIGHER POWER AND I WAS BECOMING EMPOWERED TO SAY NO. BUT THIS CAME ALMOST TOO LATE.
 


AFTER ROB GOT OUT, HE CAME STRAIGHT AT ME SAYING THEY FORCED HIM TO SAY THOSE THINGS BEFORE HE WAS DECLARED WELL ENOUGH TO LEAVE. SO LIKE A FOOL I LET HIM INTO MY HOUSE OT LIVE. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY LIVED WITH A MAN. AT FIRST IT WAS ALRIGHT, BUT ONE NIGHT HE HAD THIS GUY FROM UPSTAIRS OVER. I KNEW THIS WAS A DRUG USER. I TOLD BOTH THAT NO DRUGS ALLOWED IN MY HOUSE. IF THEY WANTED TO USE, THEY HAD TO LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK. SO THAT GUY LEFT.

I WAS WORKING AND WENT TO BED. NEXT THING I KNEW I HAD TO FIGHT OFF THIS NEIGHBOR. ROB AND HIM SNEAK BACK OVER AND THEY HAD DONE SOME CRACK. I WAS TO BE THE PAYMENT FOR THE DRUGS. AND I HAD A LETTER OPENER ON THE HEADBOARD AND WAS ABLE TO GET IT AND THREATEN HIM WITHIN INCHES OF HIS LIFE. I GOT HIM OUT OF THE APARTMENT. THEN I PHYSICALLY TOOK ROB AND TOSSED HIM OUT THE DOOR. HE WAS POUNDING ON THE DOOR BEGGING TO BE LET IN. THEN HE REMEMBERED HE HAD KEYS SO HE CAME IN. I TOOK THE KEYS FROM HIM AND KICKED HIM BACK OUT.

BY THAT TIME THE POLICE WAS CALLED. I TOLD THEM WHAT HE HAD DONE AND HE WAS TELLING THEM THE SAME THING. ACTUALLY BRAGGING OVER IT. AND THEY TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO TO KICK HIM OUT OF THERE. BUT I WAS LUCKY HE DIDN'T OVERHEAR THIS. SO I HAD TO LET HIM STAY UNTIL THE FOLLOWING MORNING. I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL. I TOLD HIM TO LOAD UP HIS STUFF AND TOOK HIM TO HIS MOTHER.
 

THE TRUTH SHALL SET ME FREE



I HAD DROPPED OFF MY BABY AT MY FRIEND'S HOUSE WHO WAS BABYSITTING FOR ME UNTIL I COULD FIND A PERMANENT BABYSITTER. I WAS HAVING TO GO AFTER WORK TO PICK UP A POLICE REPORT FOR MY INSURANCE COMPANY FROM AN OLD CAR WRECK I HAD BEEN INVOLVED IN. WHILE I WAS THERE, THE PERSON WAS ACTING STRANGE TOWARDS ME AND WAS STALLING ME......I ASKED WHERE A PHONE WAS SO I COULD CALL MY BABYSITTER TO TELL HER I WAS RUNNING LATE. WHEN I RETURNED....THERE STOOD A POLICE OFFICER WHO ARRESTED ME FOR A BENCH WARRANT FOR AN OLD OLD TRAFFIC TICKET THAT I THOUGHT I HAD PAID.

I TELL YOU IT WAS SCARY IF YOU NEVER BEEN TO JAIL. I WAS THROWN INTO A DARK COLD HOLDING CELL WITH NOTHING TO SIT ON AND THEY HELD BOTH MALES AND FEMALES IN THIS AREA. WELL IT WAS ME IN ONE CELL AND TWO DRUNK MEN IN THE ONES NEXT TO ME. I BEGAN TO CRY AND STARTED SINGING EVERY SINGLE CHRISTIAN SONG I COULD THINK OF. FINALLY AS I RAN OUT OF SONGS TO SING....GETTING VERY QUIET. I HEARD GOD SPEAK TO ME. HE SAID, "YOU DO NOT KNOW ME."
 

NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS SHOCKED ME. NOT THAT GOD SPOKE TO ME, BUT WHAT HE SAID. I ASKED WHAT DID HE MEAN AND HE TOLD ME I DIDN'T KNOW HIM AND LIVE FOR HIM. AND JUST LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH WENT ON....I COULD SEE THIS WAS THE TRUTH. I NEVER READ HIS WORD. I NEVER LIVED WHAT HIS WORD SAID. I DIDN'T HAVE A ONE ON ONE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AS MY PERSONAL SAVIOR. I WAS IN AWE AND WAS WORSHIPPING GOD WHEN THEY CAME TO MOVE ME UPSTAIRS WITH THE MAINSTREAM CRIMINALS

BAPTISED BY FIRE



MY LIFE WAS FOREVER CHANGED ON FEB 19, 1990. I DIED THAT DAY AND BECAME A NEW CREATURE IN CHRIST. I WAS HUNGRY TO LEARN ABOUT GOD.

FIRST THING I LEARNED WAS I WANTED ALL HE HAD TO GIVE ME. I WANTED THE HOLY SPIRIT. THE LITTLE CHURCH I WENT TO TAUGHT SPEAKING IN TONGUES WAS PRESENT AT THE FILLING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, BUT EVERY TIME I WENT FOR PRAYER TO RECEIVE THIS, NOTHING HAPPENED. I AM SURE THEY WAS GETTING TIRED OF IT AS THEY TOLD ME TO JUST MAKE A SOUND UNTIL I SPOKE IN TONGUES.

PEOPLE, GOD DOESN'T WORK THIS WAY. YOU DON'T FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
ONE SUNDAY NIGHT TWEETY WAS HAVING HER A HISSY FIT CRYING AND CRYING......SO I DECIDED TO TAKE HER TO CHURCH AS SHE LOVED TO HEAR THE SINGING AND THE CAR RIDE ALLOWS HER TO SLEEP. ON THE WAY HOME, I HAD WEE SING BIBLE SONGS IN AND I WAS SINGING TO HER....WHEN I HEARD THIS AWFUL NOISE. AS I LOOKED UP I SAW IN MY REARVIEW MIRROR A CAR ON FIRE FLYING OVER THE BACK END OF MY CAR. I STOPPED IMMEDIATELY AND GOT OUT OF THE CAR. THE CAR THAT WENT OVER THE BACK END OF MY CAR HAD LANDED IN A PARKING LOT AND I KNEW WHOEVER WAS IN THE CAR WAS DEAD AND NOTHING I COULD DO TO SAVE THEM. AS I TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE ACCIDENT OCCURRED, I FELT LIKE A LIQUID GOLD POUR OUT OVER ME VERY SLOW AND WARM. I SAW IN THE INTERSECTION OF 81ST AND LEWIS (TULSA, OKLAHOMA WHERE ORAL ROBERT'S UNIVERSITY SITS) A MAN COVERED IN BLOOD STAGGERING. I WENT TO HIM AND TRIED TO GET HIM TO LAY DOWN. I GOT A BLANKET FORM THE TRUNK OF MY CAR AS I NORMALLY KEEP ONE IN MY CAR DURING THE WINTER MONTHS. I MADE HIM AS COMFORTABLE AND SAT ON THE CENTER MEDIAN NEXT TO HIM. AS THE AMBULANCE PULLED UP, I GOT UP TO LEAVE. I DROVE ON HOME AND AS I GOT TWEEETY OUT OF THE CAR TO CARRY IN......WHO SLEPT THROUGH ALL OF THIS....I HEARD GOD SAY, "I SPARED YOUR LIFE TONIGHT." THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED. ALSO ANOTHER THING....I HAD BEEN SPEAKING IN TONGUES THE WHOLE TIME FROM WHEN I FELT THAT LIQUID GOLD UNTIL GOD SPOKE TO ME

MY FIRST MIRACLE



AS I CONSUMED GOD'S WORD...MY FAITH WAS AND STILL IS AMAZINGLY STRONG. I HOLD FAST TO ALL OF GOD'S PROMISES....YES AND AMEN.

SHORTLY AFTER MY BECOMING TRULY SAVED AND RECEIVING THE BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT, MY FAITH WAS TESTED. I WAS PACKING TO MOVE FROM ONE APARTMENT TO ANOTHER. I HAD BEEN SUCH A CAREFUL PERSON WITH THINGS, KEEPING OUT OF THE REACH OF MY BABY. BUT IN PACKING, I WASN'T. I HAD GOT HOME AND WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND, WHEN TWEETY CAME AND CLIMBED UP ON MY LAP. SHE GAVE ME A KISS AND THAT IS WHEN I SMELT HER BREATH. IT HAD A STRANGE ODOR TO IT. I SAID, "HONEY HAVE YOU ATE SOMETHING" AND SHE SAID, CANDY. WELL I KNEW I HAD NO CANDY SO I HAD MY FRIEND HOLD ON UNTIL I LOCATED THE "CANDY". IT TOOK AWHILE AS SHE HID IT FROM ME, BUT IT WAS A DIAPER PAIL DEODORIZER AND SHE ATE THE WHOLE THING. I BEGAN TO PANIC. I TOLD MY FRIEND AND SHE SAID TO CALL POISON CONTROL. I FELT LIKE SUCH A BAD MOTHER AT THE TIME. I CALLED AND THEY TOLD ME IT WAS IMPORTANT TO GET HER TO THROW UP. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT SYRUP OF IPECAC, BUT FOUND A NEIGHBOR WHO DID. WELL TWEETY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DRINK FROM A CUP OR A STRAW YET. I FOUGHT TO GET HER TO DRINK IT AND SHE WOULD SPIT IT OUT. FINALLY AFTER AN HOUR THE POISON CONTROL SENT US TO EMERGENCY ROOM. I THINK I BROKE SEVERAL LAWS ON THE WAY THERE ON THE NARROW CURVY ROAD. I GOT IN AND I WAS TOOK STRAIGHT BACK TO A ROOM. WE HAD TO SHARE THE ROOM WITH JUST A CURTAIN BETWEEN US AND THE TABLE NEXT TO US. BUT AS I WAS LEFT TO WAIT ON THE DOCTOR, I BEGAN TO PRAY. I WAS DOING IT OUT LOUD AND I WAS SAYING....LORD YOU SAY IN YOUR WORD THAT IF WE ACCIDENTALLY CONSUME POISON, YOU WILL PROTECT US. I BELIEVE YOUR WORD AND BEFORE THE DOCTORS CROSS THIS THRESHOLD INTO OUR ROOM. I BELIEVE SHE WILL THROW THIS POISON UP AND BE ALRIGHT."

LOOKING BACK I SEE JUST HOW MUCH FAITH I USED SPEAKING THIS. I KNEW THAT THE PEOPLE NEXT TO US JUST THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY, BUT AFTER WAITING ANOTHER HOUR, THE DOCTORS CAME TO THE DOOR AND BEFORE THEY GOT INTO THE ROOM, SHE THREW UP ALL OVER THE PLACE. THE CONTENTS OF THIS HAD UNDIGESTED FOODS FROM THE PREVIOUS DAY. I KNOW THIS AS SHE HAD A HOT DOG FROM THE DAY BEFORE IN IT. I KNOW THAT IS TOO MUCH INFORMATION, BUT AT THE SAME TIME....IT SHOWS HOW GOD HAD PROTECTED HER FROM DIGESTING THE POISON INTO HER BLOOD SYSTEM.

GLORY HALLELUJAH!

I MUST ADMIT THIS HAS NOT BEEN EASY FOR ME TO WRITE. BUT ALL HONOR AND GLORY GOES TO GOD. IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM.

IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SHOUT.....GLORY IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR JESUS WHERE WOULD I BE?

AS YOU CAN TELL FROM MY TESTIMONY....MANY TIMES I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD OR DESTROYED. I CAN SEE THAT CLEARLY TODAY.

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE TESTIMONIES OF WHAT GOD HAS DONE IN ME AND OTHERS I KNOW. I WILL INCLUDE THOSE LINKS AND SOME OTHER LINKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE.

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 


 

CrossDaily.com

(please click above to vote for this site)

JUNE is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month

Contact us

Interactive Groups

 Home

Ken's Page

Jerusalem Daily/Shattered Men

 Read  Guest Book  Sign

Shattered Men Group