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The hidden half of domestic violence

How to have eternal life


A Memorial Service

On Monday June 25th A memorial Service was held for all those that have lost loved ones and especially babies.  Many had requested copies of the service if at all possible.  I do not think any were able to save it so I am recreating it here to the best of my ability and I will be posting it on the Shattered Men web site and we can post pictures there so if you have any, please send them to me.   Also bear in mind that these posts will be a rare exception to our NO last name policy. 

In MEMORY June 25th 2001:  A MEMORIAL FOR LOST LOVED ONES. 

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.  Psalms 116:15

  One of the first things we need to remember is that when a child dies, he/she is a considered a saint in the eyes of the Lord and is covered by His Grace until such a time that child is able to recognize his need for a savior.  We call this the age of accountability and it varies for each individual.  We see this with King David when in  2 Samuel 12 he said: 

16 David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth.

17 And the elders of his house arose, and went to him, to raise him up from the earth: but he would not, neither did he eat bread with them.

18 And it came to pass on the seventh day, that the child died. And the servants of David feared to tell him that the child was dead: for they said, Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spake unto him, and he would not hearken unto our voice: how will he then vex himself, if we tell him that the child is dead?

19  But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead.

20  Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.

21  Then said his servants unto him, What thing is this that thou hast done? thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread.

22  And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?

23  But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.

  Verse 23 strongly indicates that David expected to go to his child and other scripture shows he was expecting to go to be with the Lord..or to go to heaven so this verse does not refer to the grave.

  Some of the precious babies we are about to name died as a direct result of abuse.  Some very intentionally inflicted in worship to satan.  It has been asked WHY!  Why does God allow this to happen.  It is a very good question and one worthy to be answered.  God when He made humans, made us with "choice"  We can chose to love and serve God or we can chose not to.  Most of us chose not to for a good long time and we ourselves did some pretty horrible things but yes I know...none so nearly as horrible as some of this.  Yet God gave us choice and now we are chosen to do good.. to serve God.  However, many do not chose to serve God and some actually chose to serve satan himself. Yet these people too have free will.  They have the free will to do evil and often to those that chose not too. Or worse yet, can not chose at all.  So where was God when these precious little ones were being abused or even killed?  Well, it may be hard to understand this, but Jesus was THERE with them.  For those who were beaten, he was beaten with them.  For those who were raped, He was raped with them.  You see we are told He, Christ Jesus has suffered all the things we have.  God has not promised to take His kids out of all the bad things, but to help us to go through them.  He has not promised to calm every storm but to calm the child in the midst of the storm. He wants the world to see how His kids handle bad things.. How they rise above them to praise the Lord in the midst of these storms. Often they happen before we are His kid and then it is to cause us to come to Him and to call upon His name.  I have also noticed at times He has allowed us to go through these storms apparently alone, for a while so we can learn to depend upon HIM and to call out to HIM and then He brings the right people in at the right time to show His Love for us...using flesh and bones....and often the flesh He uses are OUR arms as we are used to show His love to others in the midst of their storm.

 

Another question often asked. is where are they right now

 2 Corinthians 5

7  (For we walk by faith, not by sight:)

8  We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

9  Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.

 Paul said when he would be absent from his body he would be present with the Lord.  We know meant instantly because in Philippians 1:21  For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If he were to be in a grave for any length of time, it would not be gain.  So Paul knew he would have everything to gain the second he died.

 Where are our loved ones?  If they were adults and  they had placed the trust in Christ, they are WITH  The Lord.  Walking on streets of Gold and praising our Lord.   Babies, even pre-born Babies are covered by His mercy and grace so they too are there.  People, this includes anyone that was "conceived"  If a sperm cell enters an egg, those two cells ARE a human being and they then have a soul.  This as iamsshpehard pointed out, and IUD does abort a baby.  Our service also included all these nameless, and most often not even known children of our Lord.

 Many of our precious children were aborted deliberately.  Some thorough not choice of the mother,  Some through their choice.   We want everyone to know there is HEALING in the Lord.  Upon our confession to the Lord for this, HE forgave.  Now you need to forgive yourself.

 Some of the women that last a baby due to abortion were but children themselves at the time and they were forced to have the abortion by adults.  Some were forced to have the baby so the baby could literally be used for sacrifice.  I have talked to women in both these groups and I have heard a recurrent theme.  "I could not protect them.  Some have felt guilty for years.  Other parents may feel guilty for the lost of a teenager because they allowed the teen to go out and they were killed in a traffic accident.  My friends, this is loves unseen enemy,  It is false guilt.  Please read

 LOVE'S UNSEEN ENEMY

  One other thing that often comes to mind, is what are they like NOW?  Are they still babies?  Are they grown?  If they went to be with him as a still born ten years ago, are they a ten year old in heaven?  Well the only scripture I can think of on this is in 1 John 3: 3 where we are told we shall be like Him.  I do believe our babies; even those who were aborted via an IUD will know us.  I believe those that were aborted have forgiven us and will love us and welcome us home when we do go to our Lord ourselves.  You see perfect love thinks no evil and our loved ones that are with HIM do have perfect love now.

  At this moment, perhaps may who are reading this are weeping.  Please remember that Jesus weeps WITH you and that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

  Psalm 126:5  They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. 

  My Lord, we come to You as we are about to place in memory our loved ones.  Please help it to be a time for closure, a time for healing as many have given their babies a name for the first time. Be with the moms as they heal.  Help us to remember those that so often suffer silently in the background but are often hurting so much themselves. the dads...Help us to realize and remember that when a loved one departs this life, the dads hurt so much too.   We ask for healing for all involved.  Forgiveness where it is needed.  Forgiveness of those that may have forced an abortion, forgiveness for ourselves if we elected to do so.  DADDY, we ask forgiveness for those who may have sacrificed one of these little ones and ask for healing for those who are most in need of it. Now as I place the names of these precious loved one in memorial let it be to You and to those who loved them.... 

Thank You Daddy.   

JAMES RUSSEL  miscarriage this month. 

ISABLEA ROSE  was due to be born July 3, 2001  heart stopped April 18, 2001...grandparents Marilyn Matthews or also known as our beloved dovetales. 

IAN BELGARDE  18 years old Dec 18, 2000 and placed here in memory by Sharon Belgarde.  May his memory always be treasured by all who knew him. 

SUSAN BALLA,  beloved mother from cancer 

LEANNE GIBBS  remembers beloved  KIMBERLY DOUGLAS  6 y/o leukemia  Her older sister, mom and dad remain. 

DIFORU  lost an uncle to cancer.  Thank you for honoring his memory. 

DAVE and SUE WAPENSKY places here in memory JANA, who went to be with you by abortion and SARAH and DAVID both who were miscarriages.  My Lord, may they find forgiveness in You and in themselves. 

BABY RUIZ aborted when his/her 15 y/o mother was forced to do so  May she forgive those responsible.   

MELISSA adds  that her sister TERRY and husband SAM have lost two precious children.  Again we are urging that they give names to these precious babies and as soon as we do, this will be updated to reflect that. 

CONNIE EL-GENDY  has placed in memory a SON who lived for 7 hours and 5 minutes and another precious baby that did not live that long. 

CAROL MAXWELL  whose nephew and his wife lost their first child at 6 weeks.  My Lord, help us to remember the dads as well as the moms in the lost of a child.  

CAROL also remembers JOHN THOMAS CLAYTON who was due in the middle of May 1984 but was miscarried in 1983.  My Lord, thank YOU for the testimony Carol included with this. 

PEGGY GOLDSTEIN is greatly missed by MARY who was unable to say goodbye. May she find peace in this service and rest in our Lord that she is in HIS care. 

ALDRICH WIGHT beloved mother-in-law BLANCHE GETZELS...pancreatic cancer.  My Lord thank you for Aldrich's love and concern for her mother-in-law.  

Our beloved ELISE places HEATHER LEIGH miscarried at 3 months and CHRISTOPHER DANIEL beloved grandson.

On Nov. 16, 2000 a precious friend of Elise's lost their 2 y/o daughter KATE to an auto accident.  Lord we know losing a loved one like this is especially hard as we have no time to prepare. Please be very close to each person who does lose a loved one like this. 

A very precious friend lost SHANNON ROLIN to abortion when her mother demanded it.  Please remember my friend, you were but a child yourself and you were looking for LOVE you never had.  JESUS has filled that void.  I am so thankful HE uses people just like us to SHOW that love to others. 

Another precious friend lost GRACE ANN and HOPE.Ö.sacrifice!    MY Lord PLEASE allow her to forgive herself. She was but a child herself and could not protect them. 

Black is Beautiful. Never has this been more true then it has for DANISHA MARIE.

Danisha was a wonderful 21 year old daughter of a co-worker of mine, Marie. Marie and I have known each other for several years. We have laughed together, cried together, prayed together and most of all, Loved and served our Lord together.

Three and a half years ago, when Danisha was not feeling well, she went to a doctor. A short time later, she heard those dreaded words..."You have cancer" Danisah is well now. PERFECTLY whole and more alive then anyone reading this message.

Still we will miss her. Even as a teenager, once when I went to Marie's to comfort her, Danisha was ministering to us.

Psalms 116:17 tells us "Precious in His sight is the death of His saints. I know well that Danisha was welcomed home by our Lord.

My friend, it is appointed unto man once to die...none of us are assured a tomorrow. Danisha was a bright, wonderful 21 year old college student. She will be placed on our memorial page on the Shattered Men web site but her family, her loved ones although they may be grieving are certainly not shattered as we know we will see her again. How about YOU my friend? Are you ready if your time came today? Do you know for absolute certainty you will have eternal life? If not, come to HIM today...

How to Have Eternal Life

It Is FINISHED

IVORY LADY wrote this in regard to her PRECIOUS LITTLE ONE 

    " My precious Little One, I love you with all my heart and Jesus says it is time for you to go home to heaven.

      I love you, Daddy loves you, Nana loves you, Taylor loves you  your step-brother Nickolas loves you, we all love you .

     You go see my Daddy now say hi to your Papa you will love him he was a great Daddy to your Mommy, Jesus and Papa and other loved ones will care for you in the most wonderful place of heaven. Heaven is the most wonderful place, you will be so happy and at total peace and love.

    I will hold you in my arms when Jesus says it is my time to come to heaven. You are the most beautiful person that ever come into Mommy's life. You are perfect with Jesus.

       With all my love,

           Mommy

STACIE M DeSHAZER brings to us ANGEL DeSHAER who went to be with our Lord at 3 weeks gestation.

  Satacie writes: 

My Little One

By Stacie-Marie Covington DeShazer

1-13-00

A week ago I found out I was pregnant with you my little one. It was a happy  surprise. I was so happy that Anthony was going to be a big brother. Then something happened, Iím not sure what. I just know that you are gone. It hurts. Just as it did when my father, your Paw-Paw, died.   

You were a living human being that was growing inside of me and then you  died inside of me. Can you ever forgive me for not taking care of you?

Iím not sure I can forgive myself. The doctor said that it was nothing that I did or didnít do that it just happens sometimes. But I canít help but think that there mustíve been something I could have done. Maybe if I had talked to you, you wouldnít have died. I talked to your older brother  everyday. I didnít talk to yet because I was trying to decide on a name for you. Although now that doesnít seem as important as not getting the chance to tell you how much I love you--even though you were never born.

I know that you are in safe hands with Jesus and the Heavenly Father. And your Paw-paw is up there to. I know he will play with you and keep you safe until I get there to met you, 

My Little One, My Angel. Just remember how much you were loved in the 4 days that we knew of you. And know that e still love you, Angel.

Love,

Your Mommy.

  LARRY EDMISTON is remember by his wife, CHRISTY. Larry returned to the Lord on May 13, 2000    

My Lord, we know it is so hard since many of these moms and dads were never able to hold their precious babies.  We know YOU are giving them and extra special hug from mommy and daddy now.

  I wish to place in memory here two precious girls I consider my own daughters  LUPITA and ANGELINA  BEE.  I feel these precious girls although they never actually met me, will say welcome home daddy someday.   These precious girls belonged to my wife before we met.  Angelina was still born and Lupita died as an infant.  I do feel they are mine.  I KNOW they are now HIS.

There are of course many many more not included here. I do beg forgiveness if I have overlooked any one that has sent me someone to include here.  Also, remember that we will be posting this on Shattered Men and we can post pictures. I also realize many would never have been able to obtain a picture.  Rest assured your precious child is now in the image of our Lord, Jesus Christ. 

In closing this service, I will remind all, that our precious babies, pre-born or aborted, are in the presence of the KING.   It would be a terrible tragedy if you were not to meet them there.  If you have not placed your trust in Jesus Christ for salvation my friend, your child will have waited for you in vain.  Please read the following link and place your trust in Christ today....your precious loved one is waiting for you! 

IT IS FINISHED 

Roses grow where the ground is nurtured and watered with love.  Their roots grow deep into our hearts--forever linking us with our Loved ones and the memories they leave behind.  

Ode to Aunt Vinora..we miss you  :)C.A.M. 

My LORD, we know this was not easy for most to include their loved ones here.  We know in some, it has opened old wounds.  However My Lord, heal these wounds totally and fully and allow forgiveness, and love to abound.  Thank You My Lord for this long needed healing to begin. 

AMEN

On this day, Nov 6, 2001  Michelle. has requested 

CHRISTOPHER MICHEL ....who died at age 6 weeks, and MARISSA MARIE  ......died at 14 weeks gestation and TAYLOR .......had abortion at age 16
thank you for this opportunity to honor my babies

My Lord, we thank You for the healing touch You have placed on so many through this page.  I pray that this touch continues  with Michelle as she honors her precious babies who are now in Your arms.  Thank You for this assurance My  Lord.

Today is Nov 17, 2001.  We  are honored to add another precious lamb to this memorial, SAM, the son of  Joann and Stephen HammettSam here as she was miscarried at 5 months   Joann and Stephen, thank you for allowing me to place Sam here in memory until that blessed day when he will help welcome you home and show you around the city of our Great GOD!  Joann had another precious baby whom she named Chris.  Joann was was forced to abort when she was 15.  Chris, I know you are waiting and will welcome your mommy home someday. I also know you forgive.

We are adding three more precious children today (May 16,2002)  They are:

Donnie (Donald Bernard) Herbert Nov.11/64-Sept.12/74 drown

Kath (Kathryn-Mary Irene) Herbert Nov 01/63-abducted Sept 24/75 murdered not
found until November 17/75

Butch (William Edward) Herbert Oct.21/61-Mar 09/83 died by suicide (hanging)
murder by proxy..never got over not being able to solve his sister's murder

It is so hard to understand why these things happen.  We just have to trust, to rest on the promise that they that sow in tears shall reap in Joy. 

Please visit the memorial pages   for DONNIE,    KATH  and  BUTCH   You can click on the proceeding names or click HERE  to go to the introduction to this site.

My LORD, please let healing begin...let there be forgiveness where it is needed and restoration to each other and most of all, to YOU.

On June 8th, 2002  we are adding:

I have just lost another precious baby on Friday may 30th 2002 at 3:15am. I've named this little one Joseph Stephen Hammett. Joseph I will miss you dearly in my arms. The little one I will never hold. but i will see you in heaven my little one walking those streets of pure gold. I love you my baby. love Joann your mom. P/s Thank you mom Lela for being there for me during this loss and you to popa Mark. love you both you are special to me. love Joann

Joann, our prayers are with you as you are fighting your illness and are also grieving the lost of your precious child   My friends, please keep Joann and her husband in your prayers as both also have major chronic illnesses. 

On  December 14,2003 we add:

Hello--

 

I'm Tabbi (from Jesus and Friends).  I've had a really rough time trying to deal with everything.  Finally I have closure on my baby's miscarriage.  I believe with all my heart that the baby was a boy.  We named him Christopher Henry Schisler and he was miscarried at 15 weeks.  Christopher is for my father and my husband.  Henry is for my great-grandfather who passed away during my pregnancy.

 

I was comforted by words of a song: "Jesus has a rocking chair, and he holds that precious baby with oh such tender care.  He takes the place of mom and dad.  He's the greatest parent a child could have.  Don't worry about your children there. Jesus has a rocking chair."

One of the Shattered Men moderators as written about her experience with abortion. Please read:

My article by Becky


.In Memoriam -- Wilbur Street

I did meet Wilbur when I was in Washington D.C. for Father's Day. He was also a speaker there. Although he did not post here, Wilbur was a member of Shattered Men. I did notice that Wilbur had posted in some of his groups as late as Aug 5th with no indication that anything was wrong other then the system that our society is in. Wilbur has drawn the wrath of many radical feminist as he has fought for the rights of children to have a relationship with their fathers


Nicole Dodd. September 1, 1989 - August 19,2004

Live in boy friends (or girlfriends) are the 2nd most common causes for the murder of our children. Our children are always safest in INTACT homes with BOTH biological parents Nicole was murdered by her mother's live in boy friend. Nicole would  have celebrated her 15th birthday, and her first day in high school only a few days from the time her life was taken from her.  Nicole was my grand niece. 

Nicole entered this poem in a poetry contest given by a local radio station,

I look out the window and listen to his voice 
He says write a poem and he could be your one and only choice
He'll go with you and stand by your side.
And be your friend even if your shy.
I pray in my mind that he will pick me.
So on the first day I won't be lonely
Even though it is just for one day,
In my heart, I'll feel like I have a friend who's with me everyday
It only takes one time for a person to think, wow people can be kind.
After so much pain and so much hurt, You wish someone was there
watching out for you and always alert.
I wouldn't be doing this if my brother were here, 
Telling me I'll be ok and make it through another year.
I really wish he wouldn't have left,
That he could be here to see me take my first big step.
So I write a poem wondering what it would be like,
To have someone who cares to help you through your fear and fright
I know I should be brave and think happy thoughts
But the thought of growing up makes me really distraught
The thought of high school makes me fight back the tears
Because when my brother left it was also his freshman year
So when I heard about this on U93
I just had to write a poem and just hope It'd be me
Otis and the crew probably don't notice the little things I do,
but to tell you the truth they always put me in a better mood
So now I'll just wait and hope it's not too late
To be able to have the feeling that someone like your brother is there to make you feel happy and safe.


By Nicole Dodd. 

She never knew her poem had won the contest.

The HIGH Cost of ....SIN The Murder of Nicole Dodd

2/17/08

Earlier through some circumstances that only GOD could arrange, I met a woman who felt that she was not good enough to go to heaven,  I sent her an e-mail and told her about Shattered Men.  She joined but left a few days later without having posted anything.  I was on line at the time she left and sent her an instant message when she left just to remind her that she did not have to be a member of Shattered Men to receive help from us.   We then talked for a while and she told me even GOD could not forgive her for what she did.  When I explained all that had already happened to show that GOD was telling her  HE did love her through me, she did place her trust in Jesus and realized that God did forgive her and that He did love her.  One important fact that showed this....when I sent her the instant message which she responded to, her messenger was NOT on! 

What  could bring someone to the point that she felt even GOD could not forgive her?  She had an abortion a year earlier.  I am sure the abortion clinic did not tell her that these feelings are very common down the road.  Often they are so strong that these women will take their own life...which is exactly what this precious woman was about to do until Jesus changed her plans.  This woman accepted Christ on Feb 12, 2008.  Today we are having a memorial service for her precious baby who is in the very presence of the LORD.  Since I am adding this to the website after the date of this additional memorial service, I would also like to add that this babies father accepted the Lord the following week so they will all be reunited someday.   Today we are placing Johnny in memorial and we hold Johnny's mom and dad in prayer to be strengthen and encouraged until we all meet in heaven with you.

Lord we thank You for all that You have done this week for this family. and for Johnny.  I am also humbled that You once again used Shattered Men to accomplish this.  Lord we pray for Johnny's mom and dad that they would be encouraged and that they would grow and mature in You and now that  they know You have forgiven them, that they will be able to forgive themselves too.  Thank You LORD for bringing this family together and that now they know they will all be reunited forever someday.

Amen

3/16/08  I received an e-mail from a precious friend asking if I could include her three precious babies that were aborted.  I am therefore presenting Chloe, Paul, and Timothy for Shelly and we do remember them at this time.  This is what Shelly wrote to me:

Only the forgiveness of God through the death of His Son has given me the strength to go on after killing my babies. I have named one Chloe as the Lord told me one was a girl. The others I don't know. Thank you Jesus for taking my place. I deserved death not Jesus. He loves me that much. I am at peace now as I know my babies are with Him where I will see them when it is time. Thank you Lord.

I can not agree more...that is it the nailed sacred hand that does the healing.  We do know that Chloe, Paul and Timothy are with Jesus at this very moment waiting for Shelly to welcome her home saying "Welcome home mommy...come and meet JESUS...and I do thank Shelly for her commitment to our LORD

3/27/08   Today we want to include Hope.  Hope was miscarried by Justine and Don.   They are now concerned  that they the child they are now planning  will be miscarried also as Justine is two months along.  She has not carried past three  months so we do ask for your prayers for health, normal child and deliver for them.  We know that with the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, Hope is with HIM awaiting her parents arrival some day. 

7/26/08   Today we are including Maggie, the 5 year old daughter who was killed by a drunk driver last year.  Maggie's  parents, Julie and Jack are also  having difficulties in their relationship due to this which once again shows the high cost of sin.  Julie contacted me today and we did talk for a while.  I did tell Julie that Maggie is with the LORD right now but unless she placed her trust in HIM, she would not be,  Julie has accepted the LORD for full payment for her sin and is now HIS child too.  This once again is proof that GOD can turn something that satan intended for evil to  good.  Let us rejoice for Julie as are the angels in heaven. 

7/4/09   On June 24,2008, Susan's father, Grant took his own life after years of mutual domestic violence. He was an empty shell and he drank  to forget his troubles.  As mentioned, this domestic abuse was mutual as he and his wife both were equal partners in it.  I do contend that Grant could have gotten the help he so desperately needed IF society did look at both sides of domestic abuse as we so often advocate here in Shattered Men.  Most conflicts between two adults involve both taking part in it, yet far too often, even when a couple do seek professional counseling, even the counselor may have a tendency to place all the blame on one or the other and this  doe nothing t o resolve the overall conflict.  This is why we do need to look at both sides without trying to place blame as do most abuse shelters do with the use of the Duluth model of of resolving domestic abuse where all the blame is placed upon men.  Susan stated:  I am so angry at him. but at the same time I can't stop crying. I can't stop thinking of the last time I saw him. I told him I Loved him. and he acted like he didn't care. the pain of knowing I will never see my dad again is tearing me apart. how can I stop being angry at him for what he did to his self?

Karen was 34 years old when she took her own life in December 2007.  Her mother Mary had this to say: "Was I so blind that I couldn't see her pain? why didn't I see it? how can I forgive myself for NOT being a better mother to my daughter. when does the pain stop?" "How  can I go on without her? why couldn't I have gone first? I hate that my Daughter was in so much pain. how am I going to make it through HOW?

This reaction is very common for those who have lost loved ones due to suicide.  They often blame themselves, and they often blame God.  Many blame the person who took their own life and this sets up a major conflict of hate and guilt within them.  They often hate them for not loving them enough to keep living for them.  We see this often in Shattered Men when those that have lost their children through no fault of their own may consider taking their own life instead of fighting for their children.  

If you are suicidal please read this:  Suicidal? and Depression and Suicide 

If you have lost relationships due to false accusations and feel like giving up, remember that those you love will think that you did not love them.  Instead of taking your life, I suggest that you become A Formidable Enemy

If you have had a loved one take their own life and think there is no end to your pain just as Mary explained above, you can find the hope and the healing she found right here: How to have eternal life

If you need help please contact us  or join Shattered Men  We are here to help you.

 

 

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