hidden half of domestic violence
to have eternal life
Domestic Violence Against Men web
site went public in November of 1999 we have received hundreds of emails,
letters, and phone calls from or about abused men. Our sample is not valid
statistically in any fashion and the individuals are often not even
self-selected as men don't tell. Commonly we hear about the abuse from the
man's parents (usually his mother), his sister, brother, cousin, or other
relative, his new girlfriend, or even a neighbor.
While not a statistically valid sample, the problems these men have tend to
cluster into specific types that are of qualitative interest.
Abused men who contact us, or whose problems are described to us by those
close to them, have typically:
- Lost their jobs, homes, and
- Are now destitute and often
living on the streets, in their car, with relatives, or in friends homes.
- Called the police because she
attacked him, usually with a weapon, and the police came and arrested him, or
made no arrest at all. For revenge, she then commonly called the police and
claimed he attacked her, and the police then arrested him. To add credence to
her claim she will commonly scratch or bruise herself, or break things in the
home before the police arrive.
- Called the police because she
was abusing the children and, when he tried to protect the little ones, she
attacked him. When the police were called they arrested him and the courts
subsequently gave her full custody of the children she is abusing.
- Found evidence his wife was
having an affair. She then charged him with domestic violence or got a
restraining order to cover her adultery. By doing so she got possession of the
kids, the house, the car, the checking account, and everything else he owned.
For married men this is the largest single grouping with about 40% of married
men we hear about falling in this category. More than half the men we've heard
from, or about, are married or he is living with her (common law).
- Found he is being stalked by a
former wife or girlfriend who is using the legal system to harass him with DV
charges and restraining orders in addition to the phone calls, vandalism,
visitation games, etc., she is playing. Often when she finds him she uses her
cell phone to call police and claim he has violated the restraining order and
has him arrested. A variation on this are vindictive girlfriends who get a
restraining order that keeps a man from his own home or apartment, which she
then often trashes or steals everything from.
- Have lost all contact with any
children they had for months and years. Commonly they were arrested or
harassed if they've tried to contact their children.
- Found she has an uncontrollable
substance abuse problem, a mental disorder, or both, and is using the legal
system, victim's advocates, and women's shelters to harass and charge him with
everything short of the rape of the Sabine women (though I think some men even
get charged with that). It appears that the crazier a woman is the better
"victim" she makes for the DV industry.
- Found that their military or
police service is used against them in court. The Redfem mantra is that such
men are "trained killers." Such ad hominem attacks seem to be most common
against men who have served in the elite branches of the military, e.g.,
Marines, Seals, Special Forces (Green Berets), and Rangers.
- Have spent from three months to
ten years or more in jail though they had no police record prior to meeting
this woman and very often there is no evidence of violence whatsoever.
- Are suffering from one or more
symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), virtually without
exception. Sleeplessness, paranoia, nervousness, impotence, physical or mental
breakdowns, etc., are so common we hardly even ask about them, and simply take
them as a given. Many men were, or have become physically disabled by the
abuse and false allegations against them.
There are, of course, many individual stories that don't include these
components and seldom are two stories from different men the same. Age is
often a factor and I always ask if the woman is over 35 as perimenopause can
put many women over the edge. Young girls are the most violent of all with
upwards of 30% or more teenage and college-age women reporting they initiated
violence in their relationships in several studies.
May 2004 be a better year for all mankind.
The Equal Justice Foundation is a
member-supported, non-profit 501(c)(3) corporation.
Contributions are tax deductible and
can be made on the Web at http://www.ejfi.org/Join.htm
Charles E. Corry, Ph.D., F.G.S.A.
President, Equal Justice Foundation http://www.ejfi.org/
455 Bear Creek Road
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80906-5820
Telephone: (719) 520-1089
Domestic violence against men: http://www.dvmen.org
Personal home page: http://corry.ws
Curriculum vitae: http://www.marquiswhoswho.net/charleselmocorry/Default.aspx
The good men may do
separately is small compared with what they may do collectively.
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is Domestic Violence Against Men Awareness Month